Who enjoys weddings?

[Complainer]

For your own sanity you should accept that people getting married take time to have photos after the ceremony and before the meal.

If this gap has been a problem for you in the past would it not be wise to arrange to do something like grab a sandwich somewhere in this time?

Hear, hear. I´d never head for the hotel with getting some grub under my (expanding) belt. And as for all the whinging about double-night stayovers and having to shell out for the clothes, no-one put a gun to your head. Try wearing the same outfit twice and see if the sky falls in. Try easing off the booze early and driving home the day after the wedding - it´s not that hard.

Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.

 

[S.L.F]

The next worst thing than a boring wedding is being forced to watch the wedding video !!!

Sen my sisters one about twenty times god it never ends

Going slightly off topic, but does anyone else find the business of standing up and clapping when the bride and groom enter the dining room a bit fake and cringey?

The Bride and Groom should be applauded because they finally made it in so now everybody knows food won't be long...

I can't stand those weddings were the bride and groom think that it is a great idea to mix up the guests so that everyone is sitting with people they dont know. Usually end up being boring small talk.

When we got married we put people to gether of the same age group seemed to work very well.

The very last thing we wanted was the same groups sitting together and not moving from their seats like they always do.

Well, as the instigator of this thread, the point I was trying to make was that couples spend an absolute fortune on wedding receptions and half the guests don't even enjoy them. It seems like a terrible, terrible waste of money to me. Can you honestly remember what you had to eat at the last wedding you were at, what kind of dresses the bridesmaids wore, or whether the napkins matched the groom's tie and cummerbund. Most weddings cost the equivalent of a year's mortgage or more and most couples are not that flush with money. Yet they hock themselves up to the eyeballs for an occasion that most people don't even really appreciate. I just think most people would be better off having a small and meaningful occasion and saving their money for more important things. Anyway, just my opinion. I'm sure lots of people will disagree.

When we got hitched we booked the local GAA hall and got a caterer in to do the food (my stomach growls everytime I think of that meal) people were offered seconds and thirds if they wanted, my Brother-in-law to be knew a guy who sold wine so we got cut price wine and since there were quite a few wine nuts there it had to be good wine.

The DJ we got was a guy called Larry Bass (don't have his number anymore) and he was brilliant played what we wanted and kept the show on the road at all times

I've a friend who does photos for a well known college and he did well over a hundred photos for us but wouldn't give us an album so we got 127 photos plus whatever photos guests took too.

Great day and Larry even found some S.L.F. songs in his stash.

Heaven and no hangover the next day.

Needless to say I had to be dragged out to the car to be whisked away to my wedding night

Anyway I like weddings generally speaking but like everybody else I hate the wait between the church and the meal, and I really hate the speeches

 

[MissRibena]

LOL ... so if you're finding weddings a bit of a chore the advice from the party animals on how to have more fun: suck it up even more! You heard it here first guys. Can't wait for the next invite now that I have the key to enjoying myself.

And gimme a break on the fortune these couples are spending to make their guests' day. It's their own day that they are making and we are spending a small fortune to witness the palaver (as has already been pointed out on numerous occasions). The best weddings I've been at have been normal hoolies when a couple comes back from a wedding abroad (back when just the two of them went).

[Sorry SLF, this really should have followed Complainer's post ]

 

[ney001]

Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.

Yeah right! at a give of on average €200 per couple i'm sure it more than covers the cost of a turkey & ham dinner and a few glasses of red wine! As we said complainer (although I note you have chosen to ignore) - sometimes you can't just decline to go to a family wedding - you go, give them the money, buy your drink and your sandwich as has been suggested, probably pay for a hotel and travel and you feign enjoyment then you complain about it later!, albeit anonymously! . Although of course I'm sure that didn't happen at your wedding!!!

 

[deedee80]

Seriously guys, as a newly wed, if you are not super close to the couple they will not mind if you turn down their invitation! I certainly didn't mind one bit if someone could not make it, for personal (hating weddings!) or other reasons, I just totted up the acceptances or regrets and didn't give it another thought. I knew that the most important people in my life would be there because they were happy for me and wanted to share the day with me (and no, the cousin I haven't seen in 3 years or my work friends husband are not the most important people in my life!). I certainly would hate to think that someone was coming 'cos they felt they had to. My husbands sister did not turn up on our day for personal reasons and it did not affect me or my husbands enjoyment of our day in any way (she did what was right for her and we had no problem with it). I have 2 friends getting married abroad next year in the hope that not everyone they have to invite will turn up and its a smaller affair. When planning a wedding there are certain people you must invite to avoid ww2, but these people are not obliged in any way to attend if they don't want to. I know that weddings are expensive to plan but I'm also aware of just how expensive it is for the guest to attend (try not to forget that most married people have actually attended weddings as guests also). And my opinion is that most people do enjoy weddings. If that wasn't the case then why are there still so many big weddings taking place in Ireland. If it was a day you loathed attending would you really then go and plan the exact same thing for what should be a most memorable and enjoyable day in your life I certainly wouldn't! Forums like this are usually a place where people can rant about things they don't like. Its more interesting than saying "I enjoy weddings" full stop. I know myself if there is something that irritates me then I love a good rant but the things I do like don't play on my mind so theres nothing I have to get off my chest. I hate to break it to all those people attending weddings under protest, unless you are the bride, groom, mother, father, sister or brother and really don't want to be there then I can assure you, you are not that important (sorry to burst your bubble) your lack of presence will not impact the bride and groom on their day, so don't go!
Another myth I would like to clear up is the thought that people make wads of money by getting married. I don't like discussing money but seeing as it was mentioned on here I will address it. The food and drink at my hotel cost in the region of 90 euro per person. That is not including the entertainment (great band,dj,dancers), transport, favours, cake, kids presents, key rings, rooms we paid for etc, that I arranged to enhance the guests enjoyment of our day (I have not included the cost of dress, photographer etc cos I'm sure my guests would not have given a hoot about these things). I can honestly say we never once thought of the gifts we would receive. People are extremely generous when it comes to wedding presents, too generous in my opinion, but in no way did we make money or set out to. I am glad that I went to the effort I did in the hope they really enjoyed the day.

 

[ney001]

The food and drink at my hotel cost in the region of 90 euro per person. That is not including the entertainment (great band,dj,dancers), transport, favours, cake, kids presents, key rings, rooms we paid for etc, that I arranged to enhance the guests enjoyment of our day (I have not included the cost of dress, photographer etc cos I'm sure my guests would not have given a hoot about these things). I can honestly say we never once thought of the gifts we would receive. People are extremely generous when it comes to wedding presents, too generous in my opinion, but in no way did we make money or set out to. I am glad that I went to the effort I did in the hope they really enjoyed the day.

I am very glad to see that you have not included the 'extras' in your totting up of the bill! Food & drink in my opinion are they ONLY things you should have to provide when inviting people to your wedding! Favours? Keyrings?, toys? - definitely not something I would ever expect or indeed want at a wedding I was invited to - they definitely all fall under the bracket of what the married couple feel is important on their big day!

For me, I have turned down invite for various reasons, some legit some made up but I would only do this if the person was an acquaintance or distant relative or friend. I have indeed not gone to a cousins wedding again, we never were friends so there was no problem there. However when close friends and family get married i know that they would expect you there, no two ways about it so you go and suck it up. However in my own experience at Irish weddings - boring nondescript meal followed by wine doesn't tot up to nearly the amount I would give as a present! But money aside, it's none of my business what somebody spent per head at their wedding, i just don't buy the old poor bride and groom thing and how they spent all of their savings just trying to make people happy for a day......... rubbish, hand on heart I do not know one bride & groom who didn't break even and most made a profit!

 

[Ash 22]

Well said deedee80. Having had my daughter married this year, she would have felt the same as you if people did'nt wish to go it was'nt going to bother her. She certainly was'nt thinking of the money or profit aspect of it. She put huge thought and effort into her day and we all enjoyed it so much.
Certainly people can go overboard when giving a gift of money. People should just give either a gift or an amount that they can afford and not feel pressure that they have to give x amount.

 

[deedee80]

You are definitely right Ney, favours, key rings and toys are not important at all (lets not be silly, us brides aren't airheads who think the day will not be complete without some pink net with sweets inside) but they are all a nice touch. At my own wedding most of the kids were bored during the meal and when they got their presents the parents got some peace to enjoy their meal. The keyrings went down a storm! And the favours looked pretty. If I went to a wedding and they only provided food and drink and not a bit of music I wouldn't find it much fun. And you can't complain about giving a gift to a wedding and the bride and groom making a profit and all you got was crappy food and a glass of red wine, and in the next breath say the only thing the bride and groom should provide is food and drink. You are contradicting yourself. Also giving out about travelling to places and then when the transport is provided so you don't have to pay for a taxi or stay over in the hotel you feel its not necessary, just give you some food and drink, thats the ONLY thing you expect (yeah right!)

If you feel bah humbug about weddings then nothings gonna please you! Seriously, just don't go cos you will never enjoy it!

 

[ney001]

You are definitely right, favours, key rings and toys are not important at all but they are a nice touch.

For you they are a nice touch!

Most of the kids were bored and when they got their presents the parents got some peace to enjoy their meal. The keyrings went down a storm! And the favours looked pretty. If I went to a wedding and they only provided food and drink and not a bit of music I wouldn't find it much fun.

Fair enough, music or something to listen to would be fine, but the point I was making was that I don't judge a good wedding on how much free stuff I got, or what favour was on the table - that is entirely something which the couple do themselves for their party!

And you can't complain about travelling to places and then when the transport is provided so you don't have to pay for a taxi or stay over in the hotel you feel its not necessary!

Have been to loads of weddings 'down the country' and not one has every provided transport! Not drinking is out of the question as I usually need alcohol to numb the boredom!

Just give you some food and drink, thats the ONLY thing you expect (yeah right!) -

Yep, pretty much! My own wedding will be along the lines of very good food, whatever drink you like, possibly a singer if we can afford it, otherwise ipod and some good singers will do! I personally put more emphasis on good company and a good meal then on favours and presents!

If you feel bah humbug about weddings then nothings gonna please you! Seriously, just don't go!

Don't feel bah humbug at all! However as stated numerous times before when I look back at the sum total of all weddings I have been to.... on the whole I haven't enjoyed them all or if I'm honest even the majority of them! I have of course enjoyed some of them and aspects of the majority of them! Again, the 'don't go' has been done to death for reasons stated before!

 

[liaconn]

And my opinion is that most people do enjoy weddings. If that wasn't the case then why are there still so many big weddings taking place in Ireland. If it was a day you loathed attending would you really then go and plan the exact same thing for what should be a most memorable and enjoyable day in your life I certainly wouldn't!

I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding.

Re the comment from other people that it is perfectly understandable that the bride and groom will disappear to have photos taken, that's fine but 3-4 hours?? Are they appearing on the cover of Hello magazine?

As for going off to get a sandwich, that's fine if you're getting from the church to the hotel under your own steam. If you are being given a lift, or have been asked to give other people a lift or are using transport laid on by the bride and groom then it's not really a practical suggestion. Also, most weddings these days seem to be held in some picturesque location in they heart of the country. There's not a whole lot of cafes and coffee houses around to choose from.

 

[ney001]

I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding.

Yep, I think this is a fair assumption! as I said I popped along to the wedding fair and couldn't believe how alike everything was.....there simply isn't many other options for different weddings here so couple stick with the same formula, country hotel, dancers, dj food etc! I think a lot of the brides, particularly those who are in a group of friends roughly the same age there is a lot of competition over their weddings this is where all the additional favours and little surprises come in! - There is a massive industry built around all of this stuff & people are led to believe that you cannot have a wedding without it! .

 

[Teatime]

Yep, I think this is a fair assumption! as I said I popped along to the wedding fair and couldn't believe how alike everything was.....there simply isn't many other options for different weddings here so couple stick with the same formula, country hotel, dancers, dj food etc! I think a lot of the brides, particularly those who are in a group of friends roughly the same age there is a lot of competition over their weddings this is where all the additional favours and little surprises come in! - There is a massive industry built around all of this stuff & people are led to believe that you cannot have a wedding without it! .

One thing I can't stand is traditional wedding cake. It's disgusting IMHO! It's like a really really poor Christmas cake. More recent weddings tend to have different wedding cakes which are much nicer. Thats a good change for the better.

 

[DerKaiser]

I think one of the reasons so many people plan the same type of wedding is because they are led to believe that this is what people want. It is amazing the number of people who have 'admitted' on this thread that they don't enjoy weddings but, like me, have never openly said it around for fear of causing offence. I also think there's a certain amount of pressure from parents who want to conform and be able to invite all their friends and relatives to a conventional wedding.

Re the comment from other people that it is perfectly understandable that the bride and groom will disappear to have photos taken, that's fine but 3-4 hours?? Are they appearing on the cover of Hello magazine?

As for going off to get a sandwich, that's fine if you're getting from the church to the hotel under your own steam. If you are being given a lift, or have been asked to give other people a lift or are using transport laid on by the bride and groom then it's not really a practical suggestion. Also, most weddings these days seem to be held in some picturesque location in they heart of the country. There's not a whole lot of cafes and coffee houses around to choose from.

I think deedee's large post speaks 100% my opinion, but I take on your point that big weddings shouldn't be viewed as the norm. Everyone should not feel bound to have one. Some people do have 150 - 200 willing attendees but others don't or might not have the money.

I think big wedding can be really great in certain situations and people are offended if there was the implication that no one enjoyed their wedding, that said there are plenty of things about them that can be hard to bear (excessive photography and self indulgent speeches spring to mind) and there's no point in being defensive about this

 

[liaconn]

Hear, hear. I´d never head for the hotel with getting some grub under my (expanding) belt. And as for all the whinging about double-night stayovers and having to shell out for the clothes, no-one put a gun to your head. Try wearing the same outfit twice and see if the sky falls in. Try easing off the booze early and driving home the day after the wedding - it´s not that hard.

Your hosts are paying out dearly for your presence. If you don´t want to go, have the guts to decline the invite.

Nobody was whinging about double night stayovers. I was making the point that couples from Dublin relocating their wedding miles down the country somewhere are unnecessarily adding the cost of an overnight stay to all the other costs of attending the wedding.

Why does it take 'guts' to decline an invitation. It is often the easy option but only at the expense of the bride or groom's feelings or by causing upset in the family.

 

[ney001]

. Thats a good change for the better.

You think???

[broken link removed]

wasn't the fruit cake made because it would last until the first baby's christening or something?? - I never eat wedding cake don't know why, probably assume it's the fruit one! I remember being at a relatives wedding a few years ago and an old lady was sitting on the table behind me, when a plate of cake was put down, she picked up the entire plate and emptied it straight into her handbag, then put the plate back as if nothing happened! Now THAT was amusing!

 

[liaconn]

I think deedee's large post speaks 100% my opinion, but I take on your point that big weddings shouldn't be viewed as the norm. Everyone should not feel bound to have one. Some people do have 150 - 200 willing attendees but others don't or might not have the money.

I think big wedding can be really great in certain situations and people are offended if there was the implication that no one enjoyed their wedding, that said there are plenty of things about them that can be hard to bear (excessive photography and self indulgent speeches spring to mind) and there's no point in being defensive about this

Fair enough.

 

[Guest116]

It is not that straight forward to just decline an invite. I tried that once and the look of disappointment on my friends face was pretty bad. I changed my mind the next day and accepted, making up some excuse about getting dates mixed up in my head.

And not all weddings cost the bride\groom or their family. I know of a few who have made a profit on weddings!

 

[Staples]

I haven't read all of the preceding posts but for what it's worth, I think that those who don't like weddings and receive invitations should do one of two things.

1. Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent. Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.

2. If you do accept an invitation, even though you really don't want to go, then throw yourself into it and put your best side out for the sake of the bride and groom. It's their day, after all, and you should have the grace to put their feelings first.

The worst thing you could possibly do is accept the invitation and make it plainly obvious, either by your demeanour or by what you say, that you're there under protest. The bride and groom (and their families) deserve beter than this.

 

[becky]

I haven't read all of the preceding posts but for what it's worth, I think that those who don't like weddings and receive invitations should do one of two things.

1. Have the bottle to decline the invitation if it's not your thing, but be consistent. Apply the same respsonse to all such invitations so nobody feels slighted.

2. If you do accept an invitation, even though you really don't want to go, then throw yourself into it and put your best side out for the sake of the bride and groom. It's their day, after all, and you should have the grace to put their feelings first.

The worst thing you could possibly do is accept the invitation and make it plainly obvious, either by your demeanour or by what you say, that you're there under protest. The bride and groom (and their families) deserve beter than this.

You are right of course and it is what I do (I hope).

I turned down 1 wedding this year - no made up excuses or anything but they were not close friends so it was easy.

I have 2 this month and hopefully they will be my last. I have to go to one because its my moms favorite niece (I'm her +1) and the other is a good friend.

I'm glad I'm of age where most of my immediate friends are now married.

 

[Caveat]

I turned down 1 wedding this year - no made up excuses or anything but they were not close friends so it was easy.

Just curious - so what did you say - just "no thanks" or something?