Saw Child Verbally Abused in Shop

[FredBloggs]

I think Mandac is right to be concerned and obviously the child's parent was bang out of order but all she saw was a part of what could have been a much longer incident. That doesn't excuse it but it may explain it.

I don't think people here are accepting of a child being shouted at. And I do agree that its wrong to shout at a child but I also think those who are posting here have had incidents where children have pushed them over the brink. I know that doesn't make it right but it does happen. Most parents are very sorry after they blow their top at the child who has driven them to distraction and vow never to let it happen again.

For the record though I'd be extremely embarrased if I ever shouted at a child in public.

 

[ubiquitous]

Am not really looking for advice on whether people feel she was out of order or not, to my mind she was 100% out of order, my question is given that I only have a car registration number, can I do anything.

That is surely for you to decide. Its hardly too difficult to find the State child protection agencies on google.ie

 

[MandaC]

You say the girl was struggling to hold the cereal (almost as big as herself which is big even if she was only three!) but then say she was “attached” to it, being “jerked back and forth”. Either the child was a mini Tyson or the mother was Posh Spice. Can you describe how you know when a person is “stunned” as opposed to observing an interesting cameo from a distance? And, finally, you decided that because the child didn’t cry, she was past that point rather than just being stubborn. Let me rewrite your story:


“Was in Tesco yesterday evening. Heard a raised voice a few tills down. Woman with a child was shopping, a girl of 3 t0 5. Don’t know what happened but the gist of it was when I looked, the little girl was holding onto a box of cereal.
The woman was shouting at the child and trying to wrestle the cereal box from her. The child wouldn’t let go. People were staring. Went on for a few minutes.”

I have related the incident from my eyes, which is the way I saw it. Please do not tell me what I saw. Please do not try to rewrite my story. It is not really your place to do that. I am not on trial here, so please do not question me or try to pick holes, as if I am in a witness box. You are not me, you were not there.

 

[Guest117]

Car registration is useless.

Any agency that may take a complaint of this nature will likely not have resourses to track people down from a car reg. Gardai won't do anything unless you make an official complaint.

 

[MandaC]

That is surely for you to decide. Its hardly too difficult to find the State child protection agencies on google.ie

I am doing something, my question is - best approach to contact community garda or child protection services directly, given that all I have is a car registration number. I know how to get the numbers, just who to contact.

 

[z109]

You're right - the child is probably being abused horribly. The best thing for them is for them to be taken into care or to see their mammy being banged to rights.

Seriously, what do you hope to achieve? Will this end result in a positive outcome for the child or her mother?

 

[ubiquitous]

I am doing something, my question is - best approach to contact community garda or child protection services directly, given that all I have is a car registration number. I know how to get the numbers, just who to contact.

Can you not decide this for yourself?

 

[Calico]

You are best off to forget about. I'm sure you were correct in what you saw but it isn't enough to go to the authorities about.

 

[car]

Ring the gardai and social services and let them advise. If they follow it up, and either they or a social worker call out, listen to the womans side of the story, decide to do nothing, they at least have a record of the behaviour.

Theres nothing else you can do short of having a chance meeting with the woman again and confronting her, letting her know what you saw and how badly you feel about what you saw and hope she listens and doesnt tell you to eff off and mind yer own business.

On the incident itself, only you know how bad that one was, but I remember growing up seeing similar incidents nearly every day, but its mostly behind closed doors these days as the screaming mothers dont want social services calling on them. It still goes on, friends of mine have 3 youngs kids, the mother screams her head off at them, while making their dinner and ironing their clothes. Its not all bedtime stories.

Parents who have young kids would understand, but because of that would also know when an incident is overstepping that "its ok, because its late in the evening, full shopping trolley, who knows whether the child is acting up deliberately or not" mark. Id like to think (father of 2 young annoying little...) that I would step in if I seen something but Id have to be very sure and then some that the incident merited it.

 

[MrMan]

I have related the incident from my eyes, which is the way I saw it. Please do not tell me what I saw. Please do not try to rewrite my story. I am not on trial here, so please do not question me or try to pick holes, as if I am in a witness box. You are not me, you were not there. It is not really your place to do that.

I don't think welfarite was putting you on trial, just providing you with the fact that that same situation could have been viewed by someone else and a different conclusion would have been drawn. Don't take it personally, like someone else already said only you can really make the final judgement on what you should do, but you should also realise what your actions could lead to, thats why absolute clarity is needed and no holes should be able to be picked in your statement.

 

[efm]

I have related the incident from my eyes, which is the way I saw it. Please do not tell me what I saw. Please do not try to rewrite my story. It is not really your place to do that. I am not on trial here, so please do not question me or try to pick holes, as if I am in a witness box. You are not me, you were not there.

MandaC - to be fair you posted the whole incident and were then surprised when people challenged you on it - what you could have said was "I saw something I wasn't comfortable with, got a car reg, is there anything I can do?" - in a forum like this posting the whole scenario invites comment.

To be honest I think car has summed it pretty well and has listed the options available to you, however, I would be very slow about confronting people about their behaviour towards their children based on a single isolated incident - you just don't know 1. what has happened that day to that woman / family to make her act like that or 2. you don't know what they would say or do if you challenged them.

Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[ney001]

I have related the incident from my eyes, which is the way I saw it. Please do not tell me what I saw. Please do not try to rewrite my story. It is not really your place to do that. I am not on trial here, so please do not question me or try to pick holes, as if I am in a witness box. You are not me, you were not there.

Look, if you're really concerned about this, why not just go down to the gardai and explain what your concerns are, give them the registration which they can run there and then and leave it with them to sort out, it is up to them to call social services or perhaps there is a community liason garda who could check it out. If they flat out refuse to do something about this then write a note explaining your concerns and asking it to be kept on file somewhere so that if god forbid something does happen in the future there will at least be somebody who witnessed it and came forward.

 

[Guest117]

Look, if you're really concerned about this, why not just go down to the gardai and explain what your concerns are, give them the registration which they can run there and then and leave it with them to sort out, it is up to them to call social services or perhaps there is a community liason garda who could check it out. If they flat out refuse to do something about this then write a note explaining your concerns and asking it to be kept on file somewhere so that if god forbid something does happen in the future there will at least be somebody who witnessed it and came forward.

As I posted earlier the gardai will ask if you want to make a complaint or not and generally will only act if you do make a complaint. This is understandable as they are grossly under staffed and they cannot be expected to follow up on every single concern of every citizen.

 

[Megan]

Would there be any CCTV footage of this. Some supermarkets have cameras on the tills.

 

[eileen alana]

I can I do anything.

Yes you can, if you are that concerned go and do some volunteer work with Barnados, that will open your eyes to the extend of child abuse in this country. Child protection has for many years been way down the politicial agenda for our politicians.

 

[heretohelp]

You're right - the child is probably being abused horribly. The best thing for them is for them to be taken into care or to see their mammy being banged to rights.

Seriously, what do you hope to achieve? Will this end result in a positive outcome for the child or her mother?

so should the OP just put up and shut up in other words???

 

[z109]

Seriously, what do you hope to achieve? Will this end result in a positive outcome for the child or her mother?

so should the OP just put up and shut up in other words???

The OP needs to have an idea of what they are trying to achieve. What is it they think/hope/want the guards to do that won't make the situation worse for either parent or child?

 

[John Rambo]

I don't know why people are so ready to pick holes in this story? From my reading, the OPs question is, what would you do if you saw a child being treated in an unacceptable manner that gave cause for concern. I don't think the point is whether we believe this particular situation warrented it or not, after all we weren't there, the OP was.

Unacceptable to who exactly? There's a disturbing proliferation of threads like this with people who don't have all the facts making judgements on a scenario. Joyce called it gnomon...extrapolating the whole picture from just a portion of it. Perhaps the child was demanding the parent purchase the cereal (as children often do). Certainly, I'm not a parent so I wouldn't start lecturing people on the parenting of toddlers but I don't see a problem with raising your voice to a child as a last resort. I mean, it's not as if the child was beaten! There's a balance to be struck between being civic minded and being a busy body dreaming up scenarios to intervene in. (and I'm not suggesting that the OP is)

 

[heretohelp]

The OP needs to have an idea of what they are trying to achieve. What is it they think/hope/want the guards to do that won't make the situation worse for either parent or child?

whos to say it will get worse ? or better for that matter ?
no one knows, maybe it was a once off , or maybe it was a cry for help by this mother.

Maybe the mum is on need of some help and by the OP making a decision to call the appropriate authorities the mum might get some much needed help.

 

[Vanilla]

The gardai can do nothing unless it is an emergency and there is an immediate threat to the safety of the child.

The correct contact is the Social Worker in the HSE’s Local Health Office in the area where the child concerned resides.

What you can expect to happen is that maybe, eventually, the social worker will contact the mother to arrange a voluntary meeting with lots of advance notice to her. Although to be honest I don't think they will follow up at all with just a car reg.