Saw Child Verbally Abused in Shop

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MandaC said:
If I can help a child in any way(I am not sure I can) after 2 days, then perhaps we really have come a long way in this country.
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You should bear in mind that reporting a parent to social services may generate serious consequences for their entire family, including the child herself and her siblings. It is not something that should be done lightly. I think the Gardai and Social Services will in the first instance caution you in this regard once you approach them.
 
MandaC, not to impugn your ability to be objective, but have you considered perhaps that your impression of the incident is coloured by the experiences you have repeatedly referred to?
 
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mandac wrote

And to be honest with you, my own father grew up in Artane Industrial School. It took 62 long years for his story to be told and believed despite trying to tell it from practically day 1.

With attitudes like that, maybe we should just keep on turning a blind eye and ignore the signs and our instinct that something is wrong.

If I can help a child in any way(I am not sure I can) after 2 days, then perhaps we really have come a long way in this country.
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I think you could be letting this cloud your judgement and imagining all sorts of things when in reality the situation could be totally different. Be sure that you are wanting to help this child rather than just prove your point.
 
Is it acceptable behaviour for a moderator to make fun of an issue concerning a child's welfare. Once gain I'm appaled by Clubman's attidude. mandac, you do what you feel is right, only you saw what happened. I fully support you.
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You will fully support someone who admits that they weren't sure of the circumstances, didn't see the whole scenario? The problem is there's only half a story is available to us and although the OP's heart is in the right place, it doesn't make sense to try and fill in the gaps of the story. There is enough of doubt as to whether its a case of abuse as to let it go, the parent didn't strike the child, they did lose their temper and the child looked sad, i personally don't add up those and result in abuse.
I don't think clubman is making light of abuse, I think that he, as a parent is finding it hard to comprehend the knee jerk reaction that would no doubt impact on a families live if it were followed through i.e report to guards or social services. Thats my reading of it anyway.
 
What mother would shout abuse and foul language at a toddler in a shopping centre in front of loads of people? What would Clubman do if he came upon his wife shouting and roaring foul and abusive language at his toddler in their local shop?

My final word is that this behaviour is totally unacceptable and should not be allowed to become acceptable as part of our society. I support mandac in her reaction. I would report the reg. number to the guards and let them take responsibility.

I know a girl who had a guard come to her door and caution her because she stuck up her fingers at an adult in another car. the person took her reg no. and reported her. maybe what this mom needs is a wake up call. no one is suggesting that her child is removed.

i also think it is a very low blow for anyone to suggest that the op's judgement is clouded because of past experiences. She sounds to be an articulate intelligent lady who is reacting to what SHE saw.
 
Margie said:
I have two small children. Yes, I agree, all parents get mad and loose their temper and give out to their children. They wouldn't be normal if they didn't. But what we must remember is that there is a line not to be crossed. For any parent to curse and swear and shout at their child in a public area poses serious questions in my mind. I would be very concerned. I certainly don't think my conscience could let it go, to do nothing if I were the O.P.

I would never dream of cursing or using foul language in front of my children never mind to them.
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Fair play to you. You're obviously an excellent parent. I wish I (and, for that matter, my wife) could match your high standards.
 
i would consider myself a good parent, certainly not perfect. Believe you me i have raised my voice from time to time. But can you honestly say that your wife would roar and shout curses at your little one? is this normal behaviour?
 
To actually answer the question or perhaps state that my own judgement in this case might be clouded by my own experiences, the answer is 100% no. If anything I would be more the opposite.

Because of family circumstances, behaviour that might not be normal to other families, would be water off a ducks back to me.

Anyone on these boards who treats their child in the same way as I witnessed in that Supermarket should be ashamed. If fact, anyone who uses tone and language like that to ANY person be it husband, wife, member of the public needs help.

I am saying the way I viewed the incident, whoever can believe, or not believe as is their own choice.

What I saw here crossed the line, and am going to follow up for my own peace of mind, even if it comes to nothing.

Last post for me on the subject, I will let anyone who is interested know how I get on.

For me, Clubman's unhelpful post is as per usual, and am surprised he gets away with what would not be tolerated from other people posting on these boards.
 
Ive often seen bad parenting in practice but I wouldnt have classed it as abuse - MandaC, Im not saying what Ive seen compares with what youve seen, but I do think its on display fairly regularly.

Last week as I was leaving Smyths toystore a woman grabbed something out of her childs hand and shouted "Leave that alone you little 'expletive', and come ON!". Child tried to pull away and woman then roared "Ill take that 'expletive' money Nana gave you back off you and you'll be sorry then" and with that pulled the child along through the checkout and exited. In the carpark she addressed one of her other children in a similarily foul mouthed manner "Come on - open the 'expletive' car door and stop messing will ya!".

While I think this is an example of bad parenting and its not very nice to see a child treated this way, the children seemed to take it all in their stride - probably used to it. And it could well have been a case of the womans bark being worse than her bite. God knows what kind of people the kids will grow up to be but then again thats a grey area no matter what kind of parenting is in force.

Im not disputing what you saw MandaC, but I think that its probably common enough behaviour. Thats not to say its right - but then again, you need a licence for a dog but anyone can have a child, there is a lot wrong in society and one incident of a woman shouting at her child does not mean the child is being abused.
 
My two cents worth. Unfortunately the incident sounds like the something that can be seen every day. Ever spent any time in Smyths toy store? There are some truely awful parents out there.
Having said that, no-one here apart from the OP has seen the incident and so if she is genuinely concerned, she should follow up if she can. I don't see why people are having a go at her for wanting to make sure the child is ok. The social workers are the professionals. Let them decide if she is over-reacting.
 
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Margie said:
But can you honestly say that your wife would roar and shout curses at your little one?
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Yes, on occasions. Sometimes this is regrettable, sometimes frankly we would feel we have no option. How else do you reason with a toddler who hits another child, attempts to run off in a car park or onto a public road or in a tantrum breaks something in a shop? Obviously foul language is not good, but as I say we are not perfect. We just try our best. :)
 
Have you ever tried time out? i always did this with my son rather than slapping him. It always worked wonders.
 
Margie
Sometimes parents do shout and roar at their 'little ones', human nature being what it is.
It's not nice, or pretty, and doesn't make anyone feel good (not least anyone who might witness it).
But the extreme response to it suggested here seems over the top (guards/CCTV/social workers/gulag for mum).
If the aim of this response is to get help for mum, fine. But it sounds more like an attempt to have a punishment being doled out, rather than help being offered.
Perhaps I have mis-interpreted the reaction, please feel free to correct me if so.
Who knows what type of day preceded that mother's reaction.
I think a lot of us out there are guilty of 'abnormal behaviour' out there, unfortunately, if shouting and roaring fits that definition.
Nicola
 
Margie said:
Have you ever tried time out? i always did this with my son rather than slapping him. It always worked wonders.
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How do use time out if your child...
... hits another child in a public place?
... runs off in a car park into the path of an oncoming car?
... grabs a glass jar in Tesco and flings it to the ground using full force?
... screams and screams and screams in a toyshop or cafe because you won't give them what they want?
 
ubiquitous said:
Yes, on occasions. Sometimes this is regrettable, sometimes frankly we would feel we have no option. How else do you reason with a toddler who hits another child, attempts to run off in a car park or onto a public road or in a tantrum breaks something in a shop? Obviously foul language is not good, but as I say we are not perfect. We just try our best. :)
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I agree with this - I've had occassions when a toddler is in situations eg running away in a car park or onto a public road where they could harm themselves. In that case you have to let roar to get their attention - no good doing a "Time Out"
 
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