Wife secretly giving money to in-laws

Let's clear the air with some figures.

Your parents income is 1200 Plus 600 from you = 1800

Their outgoing are what as compared to you ? Presumable they own their own home.

Your mother in law plus son is 1000 + 433 (son's dole) + 600 from you = 2033 topped up recently by your wife's kindness in giving another 400 from your savings = 2433 monthly. Presumable she also has no mortgage. Why doesn't she use here redudancy to pay back the 15K?
Her 1K income would be higher than a means tested dole payment so I don't see how she would get anything.

You earn 5000 and after paying the other families 1200 are left with 3800. When you knock off the rent of 1200 that leaves 2600. You should think about that long and hard.

I'm too am not sure that this isn't a windup.
 
If you can afford to give both sets of parents something every month then you should also be able to afford the following FIRST:

1. Private Health Insurance for yourselves and your children.

2. Life Assurance cover on both spouses life in the event of the untimely death of you or your partner. Mortgage cover life insurance is not enough, specially as you only have one income currently. As things stand if you or your partner had an untimely death NEITHER set of grandparents is in a position to offer the remaining one parent family ANY financial support. So the remaining spouse is left trying to support the family and provide childcare on one/no income. (I'm not in the insurance business it's just my opinion).
 
Bronte said:
Let's clear the air with some figures........

You earn 5000 and after paying the other families 1200 are left with 3800. When you knock off the rent of 1200 that leaves 2600. You should think about that long and hard.

I'm too am not sure that this isn't a windup.
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Hi Bronte,

The 'hard figures' exercise is very useful. The figure is actually even worse: the €2600 does not take account of the wife's extra €400 of kindness. Op's family has a nett €2,200 while MIL household has a nett €2433. For not working! Madness.........
 
If the mother is on Jobseekrs allowance now or in the future will she declare this extra income to SW?
Regardless of how you feel in helping them out to SW this is money coming into the household so she would be defrauding the state by not declaring it.
 
MOB said:
Hi Bronte,

The 'hard figures' exercise is very useful. The figure is actually even worse: the €2600 does not take account of the wife's extra €400 of kindness. Op's family has a nett €2,200 while MIL household has a nett €2433. For not working! Madness.........
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But the 400 came from the savings not the income, that was my understanding. But as you said it's madness anyway so I think it's a windup. Nobody would do this.
 
I too, (like a lot of others) think this is a windup and assuming it is I think we need to make it clear that this is a forum for real people with real problems, and not phantom problems. A lot of people are seriously in a lot of trouble financially and they need all our time and assistance.
 
I don't think this is a windup. Further, even if I suspected that it was, I would not post that opinion, because I might be wrong and give offence unnecessarily.

In any event, I see no harm being done by asking people to consider what might be the best course of action in certain scenarios. It doesn't matter whether it is a real situation or an invented one: by considering and discussing things, we can enlighten ourselves and one another.

Some of us older posters remember Frankie Byrne: the problems we are discussing today might not be your problems, but some day they might be.
 
truthseeker said:
Just out of interest - why do people think this is a wind up?
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He mentioned lower class/middle class/upper class a couple of times.
No such thing for a start.

Nobody being paid 6k per month could be that gullible.

He is responsible for his wife and children. He should not be giving one penny to his parents or his MIL apart from xmas/bday. He is not responsible for them unless they are too ill or too old to care for themselves.

Pay off C.C. and start saving for a house. sort his own life out first, pension, mortgage paid down debt free, kids through college and paid for e.t.c.
 
cut em off,you have your own family to consider,thay are so used to leeching off others they cant stand up and support emselves.get that lazy 20 year old off his hole and out earning some dosh.
 
Dear All

To answer your further questions.

I am a dentist. It took me 6 years to qualify and during that period I was earning a pittance. It is only in the last few years that my salary took off. That is why I don't have a lot of assets (house) etc.

I used to earn 6k but I took a 20% cut and now earn 5K. After taking into account known routine expenses of rent 1,200, Food and utilities 1,200, childcare 200, helping parents 1,200. I should be able to save at least 1K per month, but I don't. Every other month something non routine comes up, car repairs, insurance, tax, clothes, birthdays, weddings, pet bills, family doctor visits (which we pay and then claim at the end of the year) etc. It never ends. For christmas, everybody is getting a present of a picture of my empty wallet.

Yes there are many tax implications of giving money to parents which I had not realised. I have to look into these especially deed of covenant. My profession demands a squeaky clean image and I have to do the right thing.

I am not from Dublin, but live here, and yes, there is an upper class, middle class and lower class. There are haves and have-nots. Some families can afford 2 suvs, some families can't afford even 1 car. If you dont believe me, I ask that you take a drive from D4 to D24 and then tell if you still believe that everyone is the same class.

This is not a wind up. I wish it was.
 
Neo, when you say you are not from Dublin do you mean you are not actually from Ireland?

I think some of the comments you are receiving reflect the fact that most Irish people simply would not be as generous as you are towards their families so they find your values to be unbelievable. You are clearly a very generous kind hearted person but can now see that the situation has gotten out of hand.

You do need to rearrange your financial support of both sets of parents but I think you know that yourself, so its just a matter of doing it.

As for some posters suggesting you give your wife an allowance please ignore them, they are clearly stuck in a time warp, this could end your marriage which would help no-one.
 
Hi poster,
This is so weird. I had nearly the same conversation with my brother last night.

He hasnt been working due to illness for about 1.5 years now and ive been giving him money.

I was in his house and he spilled it all to me.
His FIL and MIL retired at 50 and 55 a few years ago. They still had 2 sons living with them. I know the FIL and hes always going on about how well off he is and makes more money from the markets than he ever made working, yet my brother never took anything from him. A couple of years ago he bought an apartment outright for his son for €350,000.

Then lost every other penny he had due to being stupid on the spreadbetting. The man is skint.

So my brother tells me that for the last 6 months hes been giving his FIL about €1000 a month because he now has lots of debts and not a penny to his name. Still driving a 2006 Merc i might add.

So how does this story relate to the OPs story?
Its my money, which i am giving to my bro, that he is giving to his FIL. He actually asked could he borrow more money from me because he hasnt got enough.

I just said - "Bro, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Im doing you a favour by not only not giving you more money now. Im not giving you a penny anymore, even the money i gave you every month is stopping today. Nothing."

I got kicked out then in a shouting match that started. But i believe ive done the right thing. He'll get over it and be all the better for it, but i gave him about €30,000 over the last while and he gave it away intead of giving it back to me.

Im still ****ed at him, and he has no right to be ****ed at me. It will blow over, but had to happen that way.

His FIL lays the guilt trip on him and fleeces him, and then he lays the guilt trip on me, passing on the fleecing because hes afraid to stand up to his FIL.
Im going to call around to his FIL tonight and give him what for.
 
minion said:
Im going to call around to his FIL tonight and give him what for.
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Save yourself the journey and wasting your own time. So he went gambling and expects all and sundry to pay for it. And he never gave your brother a cent. What a plonker. And your brother is dishing out your money to the FIL. Another Plonker. Lose them before you end up becoming lost yourself.
 
I should add that I understand that setting up your own business is quite stressful but worth considering
 
Neo as you've come back to tell us more of what is going on, I'll tell you why I thought it was a windup and sometimes people do windups on here. Based on the salary your earned I reckoned you had to be a professional, someone College educated and so I thought therefore you must be bright and therefore would not be giving away most of your income to the detriment of your own family. Frankly I found it hard to believe. I still do.

Minion - are you sure your brother is telling you the truth. Maybe it's him that has a gambling/spending problem? He had an extraordinary reaction to your withdrawal of financial support.
 
Bronte said:
Based on the salary your earned I reckoned you had to be a professional, someone College educated and so I thought therefore you must be bright and therefore would not be giving away most of your income to the detriment of your own family.
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Just because someone is academically bright doesnt mean that they dont feel an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to their family, and they may place a lower value on money that others also - resulting in the above situation.

Brains dont always equals street smarts.
 
If your MIL is only now 50 you could be keeping her for a very long time. Same with your BIL.

If you don't take control now you will never accummulate any assets in your life time.

Your wife is probably under the control of your MIL so you and you alone must make the necessary decisions.

If your partner is a stay at home wife why do you pay childcare fees?

More power to you for keeping three families going but you will never achieve anything in your lifetime doing so.
 
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