Why do people have children?

I guess you'll only ever find out why people have kids once you have one of your own. Nothing will ever compare to the joy of it and I mean absolutely NOTHING!
 

Hi Cahir from your post it doesn't come across as its a burning desire but do think about it and make sure you are 100% happy. My aunties sister was with her partner for 20 years and when she was 47 and he wouldn't have kids, then he left her and with a year his new partner was pregnant. This lady is heartbroken that she never had kids now and her sister's child is everything to her. Just make sure you are happy with your (and his) decision
 
Ancutza said:
I guess you'll only ever find out why people have kids once you have one of your own. Nothing will ever compare to the joy of it and I mean absolutely NOTHING!
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Yeah - I can tell that from seeing people with their kids - but because you dont get that joy beforehand - why do people decide to do it in the first place!!!!

There is no answer!
 
truthseeker said:
Yeah - I can tell that from seeing people with their kids - but because you dont get that joy beforehand - why do people decide to do it in the first place!!!!

There is no answer!
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There is certainly no "one" answer. Both Vanillas and DavyJones answers are valid. Some people would say its hormones. Some say "they just do <want to have children>". Some would say for tradition/cultural reasons. Some would say to look after them in their old age. Some people yearn to have a family. Some people want children because they love children and/or loved being a child. Some people may have children simply because they feel its what everyone does, some because they feel its what everyone does next (ie after college, job, house, marraige), Some people have children because it isnt much fun reading a bedstory to their cat etc. etc. etc.

To me it sounds like you are looking for the answer to that question but there is no one answer and certainly no one right answer.

The answer for the question for you - can only be found inside of you. Sorry for sounding like a hallmark card!
 
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casiopea said:
There is certainly no "one" answer. Both Vanillas and DavyJones answers are valid.
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Totally agree!!

casiopea said:
Some people would say its hormones.
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Maybe Ive got weird hormones

casiopea said:
Some say "they just do <want to have children>".
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Totally - thats the most common answer when I asked friends who are parents.

casiopea said:
Some would say for tradition/cultural reasons.
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Thats an interesting point that I hadnt thought of - it doesnt apply to me personally but certainly its a reason for some people.

casiopea said:
Some would say to look after them in their old age.
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This doesnt always work out though - my OPs granny had 3 kids, one passed on 10 years before her, one lives in a different country, only one was around in her old age.

casiopea said:
Some people want children because they love children and/or loved being a child.
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Now youre onto something (for me) - I dont think I loved being a child!!!

casiopea said:
Some people may have children simply because they feel its what everyone does, some because they feel its what everyone does next (ie after college, job, house, marraige)
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See this one doesnt appeal to me because I feel like its the herd approach - I like to think about what Im doing and why.

casiopea said:
Some people have children because it isnt much fun reading a bedstory to their cat etc. etc. etc.
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I do get the gushy feeling for animals......

casiopea said:
To me it sounds like you are looking for the answer to that question but there is no one answer and certainly no one right answer.
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Im always looking for THE answer - Im starting to think I should have done a philosphy degree!!!

casiopea said:
The answer for the question for you - can only be found inside of you. Sorry for sounding like a hallmark card!
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I like Hallmark cards
But seriously - what you say is true. I appreciate the input - Ive found this thread to be very interesting and I must admit I was surprised that there werent more actual reasons - I think the earlier thoughts on paternal/maternal drive hold true to a large degree.

And Ive also learned maybe I overthink things!!
 

Thatd be the Richard Dawkins viewpoint also (which as a card carrying atheist Id go with ) - (havent read the contents of the link yet but will later).

Intellectually though - I dont feel the need to propagate.
 
Thanks Jaybird, perhaps all this 'maternal/paternal' drive really is just a manifestation of the Selfish Gene?

Im still not 100% sure that I want to - but I also dont want to find myself in a position of it not being my choice in time....tick tock tick tock......

Question for those people who decided not to have children:
Why did you decide not to?
 
In the spirit of community with my fellow AAM users if there are any good looking women out there who feel the need to get impregnated I’m available ,just PM me with a recent photo (you don’t necessarily have to be naked)
 
Purple said:
In the spirit of community with my fellow AAM users if there are any good looking women out there who feel the need to get impregnated I’m available ,just PM me with a recent photo (you don’t necessarily have to be naked)
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Imagine the next generation of AAMers, mini Purples all over the place...no union or civil servant would be safe.
 
Why do people have children? Could be down to physical activity (on their part) about 10 months earlier ........... give or take a couple of weeks
 
Purple said:
In the spirit of community with my fellow AAM users if there are any good looking women out there who feel the need to get impregnated I’m available ,just PM me with a recent photo (you don’t necessarily have to be naked)
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I must say that is very [broken link removed] of you to do this for your fellow female AAM'ers.
 
Like the old joke says: Kids are like farts, you can just about stand your own. And there's a bit of truth to it.

I think some Mom's & Dad's are a bit over zelous in "selling" the idea, and all the other cynics (most of the population) give their instinctive reaction of recoiling from the "sell". That why I think "pushing" people about having kids is v poor form, or endlessly deluging them with the "wonders" of parenthood is OTT. I used to (gently) slag some of my mates (mainly fellas) re the pitter patter of tiny feet but, due to a thread on here, came to the realisation that even that there no harm intended there might be harm delivered.

So, since anyone on this thread is a willing participant, I'll give my own tuppence. Having kids is great (this is not a sales pitch ), have a little boy and another baby imminent. As a bloke there's a bit less pressure on you to go all gooey and instantaneously bond. While our course I loved our baby from the word go (could I say otherwise??), it did take a little while to "bond" and really connect with him. The first few months is a bit of a slog, so I'm psyched for that again, and there isnt much payback for a while (they wont know you for a good few months). However, once they do it is such a brilliant payback. Not to say that of course you wouldnt persevere even if you didnt get the paybacks, but hey it does feel good.

As to why we decided to have kids, I think it was part of the "picture" we had of happy family life. Many will tell you kids enrich your life (as I would) so why isnt that reason enough? Its said that people have kids for selfish reasons (and then you're selfish if you dont) so you cant win, so dont berate yourself for not being able to objectively prove why you want kids.



A good book to get is "Babyproof your marriage" gives a good insight into the difference that kids make to a marriage.


Other points (since this is too longwinded already):

  1. Ireland isnt overpopulated, so dont worry about the global crisis, you're not going to add to the problem.
  2. You can easily overthink things. Pass many a house and there's kids everywhere and theres nothing extra special about that family but yet they all work out fine. So if you're interested enough to worry about whether its right to have kids you'll do fine raising them.
  3. We both had happy childhoods. But I'm kind of enjoying "re-living" it. Hmm, vicariously living through a 2 1/2 year old, I'm sure theres issues there !!
More anon (TM George Hamilton) no doubt.
 
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