Why do people have children?

[truthseeker]

I'd agree about a maternal/paternal drive, for me it's like i have a physical craving to have a child, i'm 26 and a new home owner so it's not possible to have kids (financially) for a couple of years but i still feel a very strong physical longing to have kids, I suppose what most people would call broodiness. Most of my friends and family would describe me as being 'mammyish' anyway so for me not having children would never have been my choice anyway.

So Ciaraella, lets just say (hypothetical situation), that you didnt meet a partner until you were past the age for having children - would you feel your life was less fulfilled than it could have been?

 

[Ciaraella]

So Ciaraella, lets just say (hypothetical situation), that you didnt meet a partner until you were past the age for having children - would you feel your life was less fulfilled than it could have been?

Yes I think definitley I would feel my life was less fulfilled but I'd stress that would be me personally. I think i'd find someway to care for a child, for example if I was past the age of adoption I'd think about fostering, I think I just have an urge to nurture!

 

[truthseeker]

Yes I think definitley I would feel my life was less fulfilled but I'd stress that would be me personally. I think i'd find someway to care for a child, for example if I was past the age of adoption I'd think about fostering, I think I just have an urge to nurture!

Thanks Ciaraella, thats an interesting perspective - I dont feel the 'need' to care for a child in the same way - maybe this is why Im having difficulty relating to the maternal instinct!!

 

[Caveat]

I'm not a "child person" ... and tend to find children boring

Why do I get an image of the Joanna Lumley character from Absolutely Fabulous?

 

[Purple]

why do i get an image of the joanna lumley character from absolutely fabulous?

Lol

 

[Birroc]

My other half wants kids "in a few years" but definitely not yet. He doesn't understand that a few years will probably be too late so I've accepted that I won't ever have kids and I just hope it's not something I regret in later life.

No offence I hope but the 2 of you should probably talk about it now. His misunderstanding might lead to bitterness in future years.

 

[becky]

I too never had the maternal 'anything' and have no interest and I mean no interest in anyones baby.

I was in in a meeting one day and just before it started some people were wondering if such and such had a baby. I happened to meet someone who was gushing about it to me earlier so mentioned that yes such and such did have the baby.

I was then asked was it a girl or a boy and even what weight it was...wasn't enough that I was able to tell them that she had the baby......hadn't a clue of course.

I really like kids though, once they can speak and go to the toilet by themselves.

 

[Purple]

I too never had the maternal 'anything' and have no interest and I mean no interest in anyones baby.

I was in in a meeting one day and just before it started some people were wondering if such and such had a baby. I happened to meet someone who was gushing about it to me earlier so mentioned that yes such and such did have the baby.

I was then asked was it a girl or a boy and even what weight it was...wasn't enough that I was able to tell them that she had the baby......hadn't a clue of course.

I really kids though, once they can speak and go to the toilet by themselves.

I hate going out for the evening with a group of people who just talk about their kids. I don't want to talk about mine when I'm out, let alone anyone else’s.

 

[Sue Ellen]

I have three kids (with another on the way)

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Purple.

 

[Vanilla]

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Purple.

Almost missed this- congratulations Purple, great news.



P.S. four is nice...but why stop there?

 

[Purple]

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Purple.

Almost missed this- congratulations Purple, great news.

Thanks very much.

P.S. four is nice...but why stop there?

Who said we will?

 

[efm]

I hate going out for the evening with a group of people who just talk about their kids. I don't want to talk about mine when I'm out, let alone anyone else’s.

Wow I bet you have some great conversations with your friends

Friend 1: - So Purple, how are the kids?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 2: - Say, I see Mrs P is expecting again - you looking forward to it?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 3: What do you have again - all boys or all girls?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1: - So, you bringing the kids on holidays this year?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1, 2, 3: ......hmmmm must be trouble at home

 

[DavyJones]

Does anybody really decide they want kids?

There I was thinking they just happened!.

I dislike other peoples kids and like Purple (congrats by the way and best of Luck) I hate when people bore me with the details of their childrens lifes. HELLO I DON'T CARE.

I have two little kiddies of my own whom I adore. My wife and I always said we would have kids but never sat down and planned them. When My wife (girlfriend at the time) told me she was pregnant, she cried and I thought it wasn't the worst thing. Funny when she told me the second time, she was grand and I cried .

It changed our life no end, we moved from London, gave up great jobs and a profitable business. social life went from being full on to full off. When the second one arrived I thought it can't be all that different, well I was wrong, it got harder. Back to sleepless nights and impossible to get a babysitter to look after a baby that refuses to sleep.

On the plus side my first is over two and when she calls me Daddy, my heart melts, I went to see her at her play school Christmas play and she shook her jingle bells the bestest. My youngest has stopped puking on me (for the moment) which is nice.

There are so many positives it is impossible to list them all. I would never have seen myself as a childrens person but when they are your own it is completely different. In my experiance having kids has focused my mind and everything I do now is for them and our future.

Our youngest is six months and we have already started talking about maybe a 3rd, but in a couple of years time. yeah right, whats the betting in a couple of months I'll be one of those people other people hate when I announce that we are pregnant

 

[sandrat]

my 8 month old hasn't stopped puking on me yet!

 

[Towger]

Wow I bet you have some great conversations with your friends

Friend 1: - So Purple, how are the kids?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 2: - Say, I see Mrs P is expecting again - you looking forward to it?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 3: What do you have again - all boys or all girls?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1: - So, you bringing the kids on holidays this year?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1, 2, 3: ......hmmmm must be trouble at home

Friend 4: Wont it be great to have the wife at home of 6 months and getting the few bob tax free from the state.

Purple: - Face turning purple. Gurrr, thats whats gotten this country into the state it is in. If my wife thinks she can put get feet up for the best part of the year and sponge off the state she has another thing comming. Back to work after 5 days, I say and those 5 days will be comming out of her holidays. As for paternity leave, she will be lucy if my company can afford the price of a phone call to see if it is boy or girl.

 

[Towger]

my 8 month old hasn't stopped puking on me yet!

Have you tried changing the milk?

 

[gabsdot]

I always knew I would have children, from when I was a child.
When DH and I got married we agreed we'd have 6 or 7 kids. It didn't happen like that for us though and it was 10 years later when our son arrived, through adoption, (BTW there is no age limit for adoption in Ireland)

When we first learned that we were not going to be able to have children ourselves, it was the worst day of my life and was followed by 6 years of more worst days until our son arrived. The desire to be a mother was a physical need for me and when it didn't happen I was heartbroken literally. It's like a bereavement. I could not have imagined living out the rest of my life without children.

Now that my son is growing up I find that I do not regret or miss the fact that I did not give birth to him. My desire to be a mother did not include a huge desire to be pregnant.

I fell in love with my son within an hour of meeting him, he was 6 months old. He has been a joy to us every day since, he's now 5. I couldn't have imagined how much fun being a parent would be and how happy it would make me.

Being a parent has also been great for my social life. I've made loads of new friends through parent and toddler groups, Montessori school and now primary school, football, swimming, gymnastics and of course within the adoption community.

Our circle of friends has changed though and it's always easier to hang out with other people who have kids so we can bore each other by talking about our own. I know people who don't have kids find that really boring.

Because I always had such a strong desire to have children I find it hard to understand when people don't want to have kids. But I respect it.

 

[Carpenter]

I dislike other peoples kids and like Purple (congrats by the way and best of Luck) I hate when people bore me with the details of their childrens lifes. HELLO I DON'T CARE.

I think it's a man thing, we're really only interested in our own kids! I remember Ardal O'Hanlon saying something to this effect when he was interviewed on TV a couple of years ago; pretty much sums up my feelings- I'm mad about my own kids and our "family unit" but not really interested in anyone elses and certainly wouldn't want to spend a (rare) social evening talking about "the kids". Remember working with a (selfish/ narcissus type) guy who would bore the pants off me going on and on about his precious first born but when I later came to have a couple of children of my own he couldn't have been less interested!

 

[sandrat]

Have you tried changing the milk?

nope its more the solids than the milk she is breastfed so not changing the milk!

 

[Purple]

Wow I bet you have some great conversations with your friends

Friend 1: - So Purple, how are the kids?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 2: - Say, I see Mrs P is expecting again - you looking forward to it?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 3: What do you have again - all boys or all girls?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1: - So, you bringing the kids on holidays this year?

Purple: - Don't want to talk about it

Friend 1, 2, 3: ......hmmmm must be trouble at home

Friend 4: Wont it be great to have the wife at home of 6 months and getting the few bob tax free from the state.

Purple: - Face turning purple. Gurrr, thats whats gotten this country into the state it is in. If my wife thinks she can put get feet up for the best part of the year and sponge off the state she has another thing comming. Back to work after 5 days, I say and those 5 days will be comming out of her holidays. As for paternity leave, she will be lucy if my company can afford the price of a phone call to see if it is boy or girl.

Very funny guys.
Mrs. Purple is self employed so she will (according to herself; I have no say in the matter)be taking 4-6 weeks maternity leave.
While she is entitled to maternity benefit she will still be drawing an income from her business so we have decided that it would be unethical to claim for leave that she is not really taking.

So... basically... you’re right!