What surname to give first child?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Staples said:
My wife and I went through the same issue. She kept her name after marriage and I had no issue with that. Once you've done this, I think it's appropriate for any child to incorporate both names. After all, it's a joint production. It's not a "gift" from the wife to the husband.

We realise that some people have an issue with this but ultimately we don't care.
Click to expand...

Staples that's fair enough but I'm genuinely curious about how you think it will work when your child has children of his/her own (possibly with the partner also having a double-barrelled surname)?
 
PaddyW said:
I was referring to them being delighted to have custody or joint custody of their kids. Unfortunately in a lot of these cases they are denied it by the mother who automatically gets custody.
Click to expand...

Sorry PaddyW - in that case I misread you as you never mentioned custody in the previous post.
 
That's ok truthseeker. The original statement was in regards to getting custody, I was just referring directly to the custody side of it. Crossed wires.
 
Ceist Beag said:
Staples that's fair enough but I'm genuinely curious about how you think it will work when your child has children of his/her own (possibly with the partner also having a double-barrelled surname)?
Click to expand...

That would be for them to decide. It might even be that our child would revert to using a single surname when he's older. It wouldn't bother me unduly if he dropped mine. There are times I wish i could drop it myself. It's an unusual one which requires frequent spelling.
 
PaddyW said:
"And the whole custody issue may seem unfair to you but to lots of men its ideal as they dont want the responsibility of caring for their kids."

Terrible statement. There may be a few good for nothings out there, but the majority of men are only too happy to be a big part of their childrens' lives. Some haven't been allowed to, but most men given this opportunity would be only too delighted to have it.
Click to expand...

It maybe a terrible statement and I probably should have worded it better , however I did say "lots" and not all and I am sure there are plenty of people out there who would agree with this statement so I still stand by it
 
For a father, passing on your family name is an important way to forge an immediate bond with the child. Women underestimate just how important this is to a man, and dismiss it all too easily. But to me, it is hugely important.
Click to expand...

Surely when your baby is born, you'll bond with him/her regardless of surname?
 
Ceist Beag said:
Staples that's fair enough but I'm genuinely curious about how you think it will work when your child has children of his/her own (possibly with the partner also having a double-barrelled surname)?
Click to expand...
I believe in Spain it is normal for a child to be basically given its 2 grandfathers name:
Mary Murphy O'Connor marries John McCarthy O'Sullivan and their child is called Priscilla McCarthy Murphy. Priscilla's child with her husband Manuel Rodriguez Ortega would be called Camilla Rodriguez McCarthy.
I gather it's not common for a wife to change her name on marriage either.
Sybil
 
Women such as Lou2 say that because my wife carries the child for 9 months and I don't, that that gives the mother more rights to the child. But, Lou2, while I thank you for your comments, that's a totally specious argument. It is nothing to do with my contribution to the process - We all know damn well that a man can't trump that argument, because a man can't have children. So using the old "I carried the child so I get to make all the decisions'' argument is a bit of a low blow, in my opinion.


That's a bit harsh there RIAD_BSC. I was only responding to you bringing up this point in the first place. Don't think it's a low blow at all. I Never mentioned anything about women should get to make all the decisions either. Maybe if you were a little less reactive in your arguments you might get further! Good luck with whatever decision you make.
 
Mrs Vimes said:
I believe in Spain it is normal for a child to be basically given its 2 grandfathers name:
Mary Murphy O'Connor marries John McCarthy O'Sullivan and their child is called Priscilla McCarthy Murphy. Priscilla's child with her husband Manuel Rodriguez Ortega would be called Camilla Rodriguez McCarthy.
I gather it's not common for a wife to change her name on marriage either.
Sybil
Click to expand...

Yes I suppose my point is Sybil that again here a tradition exists in Spain where the grandmothers name is dropped from the surname of the grandchild. What if one of the parents dug their heels in and insisted that they wanted their mothers name kept as well? i.e. in your example what if Mary or John insisted they wanted little Priscilla to keep O'Connor or O'Sullivan in the surname? It could get quite messy couldn't it!
As others have said here, I think it is up to each family to come to their own decision on this and I sincerely hope that the OP is able to come to an agreement with his wife that they can both be happy with. But personally I'm very much in agreement with his sentiments.
 
foxylady said:
It maybe a terrible statement and I probably should have worded it better , however I did say "lots" and not all and I am sure there are plenty of people out there who would agree with this statement so I still stand by it
Click to expand...

But there's not "lots" really. Like I said, there are a few good for nothings out there, we all know about them, we all abhor them. But there is certainly not "lots" of them, there's lots more fathers that want to be involved and a few who don't.
 
Ceist Beag said:
Yes I suppose my point is Sybil that again here a tradition exists in Spain where the grandmothers name is dropped from the surname of the grandchild. What if one of the parents dug their heels in and insisted that they wanted their mothers name kept as well? i.e. in your example what if Mary or John insisted they wanted little Priscilla to keep O'Connor or O'Sullivan in the surname? It could get quite messy couldn't it!
Click to expand...
I guess it's easier when the tradition is that each parent gets one surname input (I assume they can choose to pass on their mother's instead of their father's)
 
My child was born and I gave him double barrell as we werent married (2 yr ago) We got married a couple of months ago and I was all for changing my name.. but get this... My husband wants me to keep my own name and he wants our child to have double barrell or MINE! He said he isnt keen on his own name, although I like it, and he just wants me to keep my own identity etc!!! HOw times are changing!!!!

So I suggest you just lighten up about it.. Its only a name and to be honest, there is so many worse things that could happen and a name wont matter at the end of the day..

my hubbie actually uses my surname for table bookings etc as its easier to spelll etc then his!!!

LOL
 
BONDGIRL said:
My child was born and I gave him double barrell as we werent married (2 yr ago) We got married a couple of months ago and I was all for changing my name.. but get this... My husband wants me to keep my own name and he wants our child to have double barrell or MINE! He said he isnt keen on his own name, although I like it, and he just wants me to keep my own identity etc!!! HOw times are changing!!!!

So I suggest you just lighten up about it.. Its only a name and to be honest, there is so many worse things that could happen and a name wont matter at the end of the day..

my hubbie actually uses my surname for table bookings etc as its easier to spelll etc then his!!!

LOL
Click to expand...

If my wife's name was Bond, I'd use that too. Imagine the crack!!
 
RIAD_BSC said:
Am I a neanderthal, or is she being unfair by not even entertaining the idea of allowing the child to have my name?
Click to expand...
Of course not. Your wife should have changed her name upon marriage. Not because she had to but because she didn't have to and as a sign of commitment. That she didn't is her own issue but the children should have your name. It's more practical and makes sense (leave double-barrel names to the crazy Spanish).
 
"Your wife should have changed her name upon marriage. Not because she had to but because she didn't have to and as a sign of commitment."

Can open, worms everywhere.

Her commitment is being called into question because she wouldn't change her name? The OP didn't change his name, is he less committed to his wife?
 
Very interesting and looks coldly at what could be an emotional choice. But personally I think that the wife of the OP has other issues.
 
You could use your surname as the baptismal name

I assume the child will be baptised - you might want to ask the wife!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top