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lorna
Guest
my cousin got married recently in co. cavan. they had about 320 guests, apparently they were given 36,000 euros in cheques and cash, that should pay for a few dinners !!!?? - self financing from what i see.
If you're getting married why does your fiance feel he has to pay half? It's a joint event so surely your joint pot of money pays for the day. What happens in the future if you want to buy a tele? Do you each pay half the cost? When you're married I would have thought you share your joint income. In some cases the man will earn more and in some cases it'll be the woman but it all pays for your house/bills/kids. Might be a more sensitive subject for a man than a woman though.
Think you need to have a discussion about finances. I used to earn less than hubbie & so I contributed less to joint expenses - I earned 1/2 what he did so I contributed 1/2 what he did. Now we are earning the same we both pay the same, in a few years I will prob earn more & will contribute more..............
Think he needs to put his pride away as it will cost you both more in the long term.
Think he needs to put his pride away as it will cost you both more in the long term.
losttheplot
Registered User
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- 630
Just think of the marriage ceremony, two separate lives becoming one....etc and apply it to your finances (two incomes become one). It will probably pay for itself anyway.
You can justify paying a larger share as the bride usually receives all the attention anyway and will have higher preparation costs (dress, hair specialist, makeup artist). The groom just needs to be washed/shaved, given clean underwear and socks and he's ready to go.
You can justify paying a larger share as the bride usually receives all the attention anyway and will have higher preparation costs (dress, hair specialist, makeup artist). The groom just needs to be washed/shaved, given clean underwear and socks and he's ready to go.
If you're feeling particularly generous you might deign to give him shoes and a suit too.
Could you not change your current spending habits to try and save more money for the wedding?
On your current salaries you must be pulling in ~€5K net between the two of you each month. Your mortgage repayments would be about €1400 ish, say €1600 including the car loan. That leaves a lot of money for other regular outgoings.
On your current salaries you must be pulling in ~€5K net between the two of you each month. Your mortgage repayments would be about €1400 ish, say €1600 including the car loan. That leaves a lot of money for other regular outgoings.
Why don't you suggest to your fiance that he save as soon as he can to contribute his share, but that if he doesn't have enough, you will pay it but on condition that you get more of the cash gifts afterwards for yourself to make up for it.
It's daft I know but might be acceptable to him if he really wants things to be evenly distributed.
It's daft I know but might be acceptable to him if he really wants things to be evenly distributed.
As a few people said you need to conider your total income as one income. At various stages in your life one or other is going to be earning more.
Myself and my wife just have a fairly simple method of dividing money....
(income - (outgoings + savings) / 2) = disposable income each
A few years ago my wife was earning more than me. At the moment my wife is on maternity leave and didn't want to feel as if I was 'giving' her money every month. The above arrangement works out fine for us no matter who is the main breadwinner at any given time.
You need to get an arrangement in place that you both feel comfortable with - no point in borrowing money over a long period (at big cost) so one partner feels like they are paying 'their half'.
About the whole cash for wedding presents thing, you will find that a lot of people will give cash anyway (roughly half of our guests did). And if someone asks 'what would you like' - ask for one of the post office "All For One" vouchers - they can be spent in most shops. (Guest is happy, you are happy and mammy is happy !!)
Myself and my wife just have a fairly simple method of dividing money....
(income - (outgoings + savings) / 2) = disposable income each
A few years ago my wife was earning more than me. At the moment my wife is on maternity leave and didn't want to feel as if I was 'giving' her money every month. The above arrangement works out fine for us no matter who is the main breadwinner at any given time.
You need to get an arrangement in place that you both feel comfortable with - no point in borrowing money over a long period (at big cost) so one partner feels like they are paying 'their half'.
About the whole cash for wedding presents thing, you will find that a lot of people will give cash anyway (roughly half of our guests did). And if someone asks 'what would you like' - ask for one of the post office "All For One" vouchers - they can be spent in most shops. (Guest is happy, you are happy and mammy is happy !!)
G
Guest111
Guest
I think it's a matter of what's in good taste...in my opinion specifying on the invitations that you only want cash is bad etiquette. If that's what you want it's best to let that be known through the grapevine (i.e. the mothers!) Most people will actively find out if there's anything in particular the couple want...I think this is the best way to handle the situation.
I think that it would be incredibly rude to ask for cash.
Traditionally presents are given to the newly married couple to help get them started on their way. When I am invited to a wedding then if they already are setup with their own home and have all the furnishings then they don't really need a leg-up to get started so I would just give them a token gift of no real monetary value. Giving cash is incredibly tacky.
The Eddie Hobbs approach to getting married where it is seen as some kind of cash cow is obscene and people who participate in it aren't really in it for the marriage.
Traditionally presents are given to the newly married couple to help get them started on their way. When I am invited to a wedding then if they already are setup with their own home and have all the furnishings then they don't really need a leg-up to get started so I would just give them a token gift of no real monetary value. Giving cash is incredibly tacky.
The Eddie Hobbs approach to getting married where it is seen as some kind of cash cow is obscene and people who participate in it aren't really in it for the marriage.
... in your opinion. Others may disagree.
Personally I would consider giving a token gift of no monetary or sentimental value to be very mean. You dont know the financial circumstances of any couple looking in from the outside so you cannot presume that they don't need a leg-up. You don't know how they financed the wedding. I would consider it very bad manners to accept an invitation from a couple and then give a gift of a dust-collector! Cash in this day and age is not tacky. Giving gifts of tea-sets and duvets when a couple already have a home is not very thoughtful IMO.
I must be living on a different planet to some of the posters here: the logic behind giving a "token gift of no real monetary value" purely because the couple have already bought a house escapes me. Have you not seen the price of property in Ireland these days?? Surely this is the very time that you should be helping out.
As for not giving cash... I always thought that the point of giving was to try and figure out what the "receiver" would most want. If that happens to be cash, then I'll give cash. If what they want is a "token gift of no monetary value", then that's what I'll look for. I'm not convinced that I should make a point of giving something that I know they don't want. And I certainly would have no right to be annoyed if my "token gift" doesn't take pride of place on their mantelpiece.
As for not giving cash... I always thought that the point of giving was to try and figure out what the "receiver" would most want. If that happens to be cash, then I'll give cash. If what they want is a "token gift of no monetary value", then that's what I'll look for. I'm not convinced that I should make a point of giving something that I know they don't want. And I certainly would have no right to be annoyed if my "token gift" doesn't take pride of place on their mantelpiece.
Wedding gifts were traditionally a leg-up for a young couple starting out on their lives together. Typically this would mean renting and saving together until they had enough money for a deposit for a house and then they would buy.
You find sometimes that now people are already buying houses before they get married and then get married afterwards as a way of raising cash. This is the obscene Eddie Hobbs-esque part.
The next time you are at a wedding take a look around at the very expensive trappings that the happy couple have splashed out on for 1 day and adjust any gift accordingly. I've been to many weddings which have obviously costs 10's of thousands to stage and if the couple in question are already living in their own house/apartment then I think I'm justified in saying they don't need the money.
You find sometimes that now people are already buying houses before they get married and then get married afterwards as a way of raising cash. This is the obscene Eddie Hobbs-esque part.
The next time you are at a wedding take a look around at the very expensive trappings that the happy couple have splashed out on for 1 day and adjust any gift accordingly. I've been to many weddings which have obviously costs 10's of thousands to stage and if the couple in question are already living in their own house/apartment then I think I'm justified in saying they don't need the money.
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Hi Mayway,
I bought a house around this time last year with my boyfriend. We are getting married next year and I can assure you that we are not getting married as a way of raising cash. We are getting married because we love each other and want to make that lifetime commitment to each other.
I have no intention of asking for cash or gifts of any sort when we get married but obviously all gifts will be gratefully accepted.
As another poster mentioned you canot tell from looking in from the outside how much money a person has. Just because the couple have their house (more than likely mortgaged) does not mean they do not need money.
I bought a house around this time last year with my boyfriend. We are getting married next year and I can assure you that we are not getting married as a way of raising cash. We are getting married because we love each other and want to make that lifetime commitment to each other.
I have no intention of asking for cash or gifts of any sort when we get married but obviously all gifts will be gratefully accepted.
As another poster mentioned you canot tell from looking in from the outside how much money a person has. Just because the couple have their house (more than likely mortgaged) does not mean they do not need money.
I never heard of marriage been used as a opportunity to raise cash...My girlfriend should have used that argument on me years ago!
I don't know whats tacky about cash. Its what I would want.
aircobra19
Registered User
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- 2,733
Thankfully I haven't had any experience of a wedding like that. Have you?
I would say more often people live together for a while, get on the property ladder as early as they can. Then if its all worked out decide to formalise their partnership, or do the church thing. Whatever floats their boat. I've seen weddings where couple requested no gifts/money etc. Family and close friends will know whats appropriate anyway. sometimes its traditional to gift or give money and it would offend to refuse. Each to their own.
aircobra19
Registered User
- Messages
- 2,733
Sometimes its often more appropriate than 5 toasters, from the "gift buying challenged" when you quite like the one you have, or money is tight for a couple.