Another child gone

Sim Two said:
We (society) have let our youngsters grow up too quickly in the last 15 years. We have given them too much freedom, allowed them earn too much money, and, as a result, parents are playing an increasingly reduced role in their upbringing. Their role models are more likely to be taken from celebrity-land rather than their home.

These kids are finding themselves in situations that they don’t have the necessary emotional skills to deal with and are obviously making a lot of wrong choices.

As parents, we have to take a huge amount of the blame for this. Boundaries have been pushed way- too- far in relation to what teenagers should be allowed do and we have to learn that it is perfectly OK to say to our children

  • No, you cannot have a Facebook page
  • No, you cannot have a TV in your bedroom
  • No, you cannot have unrestricted access to the Internet
  • No, you cannot get an Apple iPhone – the IPOD you have is fine
  • No, you cannot go out looking like a prostitute
  • No, you are not going to Ibiza with your 24 classmates
etc etc etc
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And theres's no mobile phone for you until you reach 18 yrs of age. Mobile phones are the great escape route for teens, alibi's, planning, scheming etc.
Have a look at what teenage girls(12-14) are wearing to so called supervised discos or should I say what they're not wearing. Get them brethalysed as well to check for drink, because they're at that too!!
 
Are we linking kids having mobile phones (and a lot of parents I know are glad their kids have them) with what is an extremely rare occurrence: the murder of a young child?

I'll admit the initial aspects raised do seem odd, the difference for me is that it may well be a once off or even just a relaxation of curfews over the summer and the parents have paid the ultimate price for that decision.

But yeah, society is doomed because one generation thinks the new generation has no idea how easy they have it, have all turned into heathen whores and back in my day... sounds all too familiar, in fact I'm pretty sure it's been said and will be said about each new generation.

Besides, this new generation are going to be stuck with all the debt we so responsibly (having grown up without mobile phones or skirts that go above the ankle) put their way and not too much chance of any jobs there to help pay that debt. Go party kids I say, the last chance you'll have for a while.
 
Complainer said:
It's not just a matter of saying no. You need to have mutual trust in place, so that they know why you are saying no.
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I agree with this. I'd also add that parents have a role in educating their children in the dangers out there, particularly in the internet arena. Even regarding the likes of employers searching Facebook etc for interview candidates. There should also IMO be a role for this education in our late primary/secorndary schools.
 
Latrade said:
Are we linking kids having mobile phones (and a lot of parents I know are glad their kids have them) with what is an extremely rare occurrence: the murder of a young child?

I'll admit the initial aspects raised do seem odd, the difference for me is that it may well be a once off or even just a relaxation of curfews over the summer and the parents have paid the ultimate price for that decision.

But yeah, society is doomed because one generation thinks the new generation has no idea how easy they have it, have all turned into heathen whores and back in my day... sounds all too familiar, in fact I'm pretty sure it's been said and will be said about each new generation.

Besides, this new generation are going to be stuck with all the debt we so responsibly (having grown up without mobile phones or skirts that go above the ankle) put their way and not too much chance of any jobs there to help pay that debt. Go party kids I say, the last chance you'll have for a while.
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Who is the "We". I certainly didn't sign up for all the corruption and spending of other people's money. Parents have taken their eye off the ball in regards to teens and their boundaries. Too busy living the Tiger dream!!
 
It's easy for us all to say "what were they thinking letting a 12 year old out at midnight?" but I'm sure those poor parents blame themselves entirely. It reminds me of the Madeline McCann case, with her parents leaving their children alone in their room.

It's very sad, but it could just as easily have happened in the day time.

For the record: I wasn't allowed out til midnight until I was in 6th year, and even then it was only at the weekend, and my parents usually collected me, if I was in town.
 
There are so few people on earth actually capable of committing such an act and then to have a 12 year old child actually out and about at that time, which must be a rare occurrence, makes it doubly unlikely occurrence. There appears to have been a lot of negative public reaction toward the parents allowing her out at that time of night. I would agree with it in that it is not healthy in any way, shape or form for a child to be out at that time of night. I don't think though that anyone could predict such an awful event.

Sim Two speaks an awful lot of sense. I think the big thing is not allowing a child a tv in his or her bedroom. We were never allowed one and my brother, sister and I would sit with my folks each night watching the telly. We'd discuss what we were watching and it made us more cohesive as a family. You get people nowadays whose kids have a tv in their room, they sit up there all evening, determine their own bed time and when they go out in the car they have tv screens in that. They don't even sit down to dinner together. As a result they end up having no relationship with each other whatsoever, each cocooned in their own little world not caring what is going on.

By the time it comes to slapping the child in the face or the child going out the window it is already too late. I'd like to think that such issues are less likely to occur in a strong, cohesive family pulling in the same direction.

Any kids I have will not be allowed a tv in their room, will not be allowed tvs in the car and will eat dinner at the table each evening.
 
terrontress said:
Any kids I have will not be allowed a tv in their room, will not be allowed tvs in the car and will eat dinner at the table each evening.
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Id be far more concerned about unsupervised internet/computer access than a tv. There are a lot of dangers on the internet.
 
What I was really asking was - is this normal now? For 12 year olds to be allowed hang out with their friends until mid-night? As I said, I am 23 and I consider my parents to be "modern" in their approach to parenting. Yet I would have been crucified if I were out that late when I was 12.

I don't see it much in my local area but that said, it would only be on the way home from the pub that I would be out myself after midnight.

Do any AAM readers see youngsters (who are clearly "young") hanging around that late at night?
 
In response to your question dmos, yes I do.

I live in Dublin 8 and walk my dog quite late at night (for a bit of peace) and have often been out as late as 11pm if not later with him and often see young couples kissing on the little paths along the canal and generally just hanging around. While Dublin 8 would in general be quite built up and well lit etc etc I doubt any of those things would deter a bad person from doing a bad thing if they really wanted to.
 
terrontress said:
Any kids I have will not be allowed a tv in their room, will not be allowed tvs in the car and will eat dinner at the table each evening.
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It's very easy for those who don't have children to pontificate about how they should be raised.
 
Mel said:
It's very easy for those who don't have children to pontificate about how they should be raised.
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I have 4 children and there's no way they will have TV's in their rooms or be allowed out 'till 10pm (and yes, I do have a 12 year old).
 
Purple said:
I have 4 children and there's no way they will have TV's in their rooms or be allowed out 'till 10pm (and yes, I do have a 12 year old).
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Nor is mine. It still remains very easy for those who do not do, to preach to those who manage the best they can.
 
Purple said:
I have 4 children and there's no way they will have TV's in their rooms or be allowed out 'till 10pm (and yes, I do have a 12 year old).
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+1 to that. No PC either.

Also, I think that parents should educate themselves regarding the dangers of online communications (Facebook, Twitter etc). The home pc should be locked down etc. They may get access elsewhere but at least it's more difficult to do. Also coming to an agreement with their friend's parents in this regard would help too.
 
Slightly off topic but I remember when I was in my early teens and doing a project for school on our very old pc. We didn't even have a phone line because we would've had to pay for eircom to dig up to put up phone lines etc etc so quite obviously we also didn't have the internet.

My dad came into the spare room where the computer was kept and I was tapping away and he said to me "I hope you're not talking to any lunatics on that computer" :rolleyes: silly dad! This is the same man who was convinced that if someone called our landline (parents eventually decided to pay eircom) that we would be charged for the call.

Nowadays he uses text speak in his text messages :D
 
Mel said:
It's very easy for those who don't have children to pontificate about how they should be raised.
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I do have kids. They are just not old enough to spend their time in their bedrooms yet.

I see no issue in not allowing them to do so. My parents never allowed us to.
 
Purple said:
I have 4 children and there's no way they will have TV's in their rooms
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From what I can see this is VERY common. On the other hand I don't know anyone who will let their kids out after 9. Depending on the ages, often considerably earlier.
 
terrontress said:
I do have kids. They are just not old enough to spend their time in their bedrooms yet.

I see no issue in not allowing them to do so. My parents never allowed us to.
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Again, I don't allow tv in bedroom either.
I'm not trying to defend allowing children out until after dark/ midnight or unlimited internet access or anything like that.
My point is that people who don't have children say a lot of things about what will happen when they do. The reality may or may not be different, but until they are in the position to speak from a position of experience it's just hurlers on the ditch.
 
Mel said:
Again, I don't allow tv in bedroom either.
I'm not trying to defend allowing children out until after dark/ midnight or unlimited internet access or anything like that.
My point is that people who don't have children say a lot of things about what will happen when they do. The reality may or may not be different, but until they are in the position to speak from a position of experience it's just hurlers on the ditch.
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Well, while I might have wanted a tv in the room at the age of 12, I am now glad as an adult that I was never allowed it. I know watching tv is often frowned upon but there was always great craic watching tv in our house together. I may have ended up as a 12 year old watching the Golden Girls on a Friday evening, but I did it with my family.

I have a cousin whose child, at the age of 10, has a flatscreen telly in her room and my cousin sees nothing wrong with her watching Girls of the Playboy Mansion!

On the odd occasion that I may have been sick and my dad moved the portable in to my bedroom; at least I had to get out of bed to change the channel!

I am sounding more and more like a grumpy old man. :mad:
 
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