Advice on outstanding debt

W

weejojo

Guest
Can anyone advise on this please. I loaned a guy I dated almost €3,000 over the course of our relationship. This was mainly rent, household bills, nights out etc and all sorts of other sundries, I even paid for him to go and visit his parents in the UK, Iknow silly me! He did start off paying me but then stopped at 300 saying he had other issues/debts. This was not good enough and I organised monthly instalments to which he agreed (verbally of course).

Due to the downturn in the market he has recently been made redundant and is quite happy to sit home waiting on a new job finding him. This relationship has now ended badly with me having to ask him to leave due to the fact that he became really aggressive (physically and emotionally) and also that I will no longer carry him financially. I have dates, times and amounts etc when the money was loaned and the receipt for rent/deposit paid on our apartment. While I do not have receipts I have visa/bank statements listing rent/other sundries etc and I also have texts I sent him regarding the return of the money.

I feel really foolish and betrayed and would be very interested to know if there is any way of recouping the money from him? A friend suggested contacting his family and explaining the situation to them as it has now come to light that he is owing quite a lot of people cash although none to the degree that he owes me. All advice welcome.
 
My first reaction to your post was to just walk away....

If you have actual split from this person and he has moved out of your house why persue him for the money? It will keep him in your life and bring you down.

I suggest that you put it down to experience and move on with your life.
 
I agree, chalk it up and move on. Bringing it to the attention of his family won't help you, if he has debts to lots of other people, paying an ex gf will not be top of his list.
 
I have thought about this but its the principle of the thing why should I work hard to have someone take advantage. I can not forget about this put it down to pride also.
 
If you are really bothered about this then your only option may be to sue him but for €3K it's unlikely to be worth it. Unless you value the principle very highly.
 
This type of case seems to come up on Judge Judy a lot.

Her advice is usually that when a couple is cohabiting, the proportion of their collective expenses that is paid by each is irrelevant - if the relationship breaks up and you were the person who paid most of the bills, you move on and learn from the experience i.e. avoid having relationships with freeloaders.

I'd agree with this advice.
 
csirl said:
This type of case seems to come up on Judge Judy a lot.
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I was just thinking the same thing myself! Her thinking is usually that helping out your partner financially never seems to become a series of loans until the relationship ends. I know you had a verbal agreement that he would repay you, but without anything in writing, it may be difficult even to sue him. Anyone out there with legal experience who might be able to help here? You may just have to mark it down to experience and move on. By the way, you're not foolish. You just did what you thought was a nice thing to do by giving him money when he needed it.
 
I don't think you were foolish either. If, in your next relationship you continuously sub your bf - that would be foolish.

But you do have to accept some blame. You seem to have continued to loan him money, even when he ceased to repay you, either than or you allowed a large debt to accumulate without any repayments being in place.

I think, particularly as he has been violent towards you you should not do anything to keep him in your life.
 
If he has been violent towards you why not report that to the Gardai , it might be an better way to skin him.
 
Thanks to all for your comments/advice. I actually sat him down the other day there and discussed everything with him and although we are not back together (thank god) he has agreed and knows he has to pay back the money and I actually got him to sign a declaration of agreement in relation to this and it has given him ex amount of months to pay back same before further action is taken.

Again I appreciate all you help with this matter and heres hoping and end can be brought to it eventually :)
 
maybe get him to take out a credit union loan as soon as possible- you will get your money and any one else would not be as easy on him in future when looking for their money

fair play to you for getting him to sign something.
 
weejojo said:
Thanks to all for your comments/advice. I actually sat him down the other day there and discussed everything with him and although we are not back together (thank god) he has agreed and knows he has to pay back the money and I actually got him to sign a declaration of agreement in relation to this and it has given him ex amount of months to pay back same before further action is taken.

Again I appreciate all you help with this matter and heres hoping and end can be brought to it eventually :)
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i'd ask him to take out a loan with a credit union or bank and let him worry about paying that back. fair's fair
 
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