fobs, I completely agree with you. That's exactly what I was trying to say in my post. I find it strange when two people who have committed to each other are actually counting who-pays-what and keeping a little bit aside (secretly) from the other. My partner was unenmployed for a while also, and it never occurred to me (or him) that he wasn't entitled to have nights out and enjoy himself. I always made sure there was cash in the house (in a particular box) and he just went there and took it when he needed it. I suppose horses for courses, but I couldn't work on the principle of "mine" and "his".fobs said:
Married Couple division of bills
- Thread starter Winnie
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Winnie said:
While I would tend to agree, the other arguement would be that while he was out working overtime, you may be doing extra work around the house, like cleaning, laundry, kids homework, cooking, etc, which would normally be shared duties.
I would do a certain amount of overtime myself, but while I'm doing that my other half is at home doing the other tasks, which I avoid. As such, this increases her workload as well as the overtime increasing mine.
Just a thought!
With regard to having "completely different spending habits" I think this is probably where the difference arises between those of us who are saying "it's OUR money, not his or hers" and those of you who are saying "keep separate accounts, and split meals out etc". The very nub of the argument (for me) is that I would never have been happy to marry my partner if our spending habits were completely different anyway! We're of pretty much one mind when it comes to spending. I wouldn't have been attracted to spending my life with someone who would expect to be able to over-spend drastically just on himself, without a thought for "us". It works because we think of ourselves as "us" and not as people who are entitled to spend whatever we want just because we earned it, but without a thought for the family/union that we have created.Winnie said:
Me and my husband would have had completely different spending habits before we got together. I would spend a lot on clothes,shoes etc.. but would be careful not to spend beyond my means. My husband was of the "live for today" attitude. We did discuss our finances though and came to an arrangement where we both had to compromise our spending habits to form a unit. We pool all our finances and we have a rough household budget (trying to get this in better order 
) We always discuss any big spend with each other as these are joint decisions. We decide if we can afford a night out,holiday etc... and I think it is easier to do this with joint finances as we always know where we are. I have an SSIA but my husband doesn't but I regard it as our SSIA rather than mine. I think in marriage we make all sorts of compromises so adjusting people's spending habits just becomes one of them!
) We always discuss any big spend with each other as these are joint decisions. We decide if we can afford a night out,holiday etc... and I think it is easier to do this with joint finances as we always know where we are. I have an SSIA but my husband doesn't but I regard it as our SSIA rather than mine. I think in marriage we make all sorts of compromises so adjusting people's spending habits just becomes one of them!Am I correct in saying that the only reason the the courts here do not recognise Pre Nups is because no body has put one in front of them. I think that in the future that will change so anyone who feels that they need one should go ahead and get one because they may be recognised when the time comes.Sherman said:
Does anyone know of a pre nup being trown out by a court. Surely a contract is a contract.
DrMoriarty
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I don't think so - I heard that plenty of people have presented a pre-nup in court. The courts sometimes have regard to whatever arrangements were entered into in a pre-nup, but they don't have to, and jealously guard their prerogative to, as they see it, order proper provision for both parties.
- yep, it probably will - the courts are starting to take more notice of what 'consenting adults' agreed to in a pre-nup, particularly if there are no dependent children involved.
Andrewa said:
I don't think that anyone who has replied saying they have seperate accounts is saying that they or their partner overspend without a thought for the other. We see ourselves as a team and think in terms of us rather than as individuals.
The majority of our money is pooled. All the bills, groceries, and mortgage is covered and there is usually a balance building up. If we are saving for something then we up the monthly transfer until we have the money to buy it. The rest is our own to do as we see fit with. There is never any arguments about money between us. We don't have wildly different spending habits but would put different importance on different things. I like having my own independance and am happy in the knowledge that I can buy a pair of shoes for €500 if the mood takes me(not that it ever would) without justifying it to anyone and without affecting my husband in any way.
For example I bought a new car last year. We discussed buying it between us but my thoughts would be why should "we" buy something so expensive that would be used by me most of the time. Hubby is happy with his 7 year old car and has no plans to change it anytime soon. So I pay for the car myself. Its still seen as ours any hubby is free to use it anytime he likes.
As for SSIA's...we are thinking of builidng an extention so the two accounts will be used for that. Otherwise we would probably reinvest it.
There is certainly no mistrust between us. All our finances (along with everything else) is an open book. I wouldn't be best pleased to find that he was stashing funds away somewhere without my knowledge and I would never dream of doing this either.
While we do have our "own" money neither or us would see the other stuck for money. If one of us was out of work or working part-time then our system would change but at the moment it works for us..if it ain't broke....
muffin1973
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Interesting thread - We are recently engaged and have been living together for over two years now. When we bought our own place and moved into it, we opened a joint account for the mortgage that we both transfer the same amount into every month. He pays for NTL, I pay for life assurance (which are basically the same amount). We split the bills for ESB, Gas, shopping.
We are both in our early 30s and so used to having our own money/accounts that it would be really odd to just pool everything because we're getting married. I am better with money so I take care of the internet banking/bills etc. I have savings whereas he has a debt. I wouldn't really think of paying off his debt for him and he wouldn't want me to. We don't tend to argue about money much, only when he tries throwing out his visa bills without reading them Anyway, works for us. Maybe if any kids come along things will change but at the mo, we're happy with the set up.
We are both in our early 30s and so used to having our own money/accounts that it would be really odd to just pool everything because we're getting married. I am better with money so I take care of the internet banking/bills etc. I have savings whereas he has a debt. I wouldn't really think of paying off his debt for him and he wouldn't want me to. We don't tend to argue about money much, only when he tries throwing out his visa bills without reading them
Anyway, works for us. Maybe if any kids come along things will change but at the mo, we're happy with the set up.Im married, we've a joint account and 2 separate current accounts. Our salaries go into our separate accounts and at the beginning of every month we both put a joint sum in our joint account (direct debit). This covers rent, bills, grocery shopping, miscellanous. The account doesnt have a credit card. We both have separate savings (me SSIA for example) that were started before we met.
For me the system works brilliantly. We know exactly what is being spent on necessary bills and household bills and at the end of every month usually have a slush fund building up in the joint account. Because the joint account doesnt have a credit card if you were out for dinner with us you would probably see us going, "Ill get this, you can get the next one or pay me back....".
So are we, that is why the above system works for us. There is no mistrust and certainly no secret money. I know how much he earns and he knows how much I earn. If he lost his job he can use my account and vice versa. We run our accounts like this because it helps both us control how much we are spending on household items and on social items. We also sometimes socialize separately, me as I live abroad I like to fly home a lot this I pay for from my current account. He is a mountaineer and often goes on guided trips which can work out expensive he pays for those from his current account. We could put it all into the joint account and pay for these trips from the joint account but then our monthly financial incoming and outgoing health wouldnt be as clear to us as it currently is.
Why is it strange to understand and control what you are spending? Frequently people post on this website with their finances out of control and the first piece of advice they receive from the regulars is to set up a budget and monitor how much they are spending. Just to be clear, after a night out we wouldnt be bickering going "you owe me this, I paid for the taxi etc...." but we do try to "pay the other back" simply to control our finances. At the end of the day my money is his money and vice versa but its in our interest to know what we are spending on what.
OK, this is strange, just because people do hold separate accounts as well as joint accounts doesnt mean there are secret stashes. That would be strange for me too. Are you sure you are not just assuming this? Our bank statements come to the same address, we file them in the same box with the joint account statements. No secrets.
Same here. Again, I think there are being a lot of assumptions being made here. If he or I were unemployeed, we'd sit down, we'd go over our finances, the employed one will support the joint account to which both have access and we'd also establish where we can both cut back on if necessary.
Our system will change a bit, when we've kids. We'll increase the contribution to the joint account and there will be less socializing I wont be going to Ireland when I feel like it and he wont be gallavanting up mountains as much our savings SSIA etc will be used for our house deposit, it wont matter if he has contributed a bit more than me or me him, its our joint savings (eventhough they are physically located in separate accounts).
For me the system works brilliantly. We know exactly what is being spent on necessary bills and household bills and at the end of every month usually have a slush fund building up in the joint account. Because the joint account doesnt have a credit card if you were out for dinner with us you would probably see us going, "Ill get this, you can get the next one or pay me back....".
So are we, that is why the above system works for us. There is no mistrust and certainly no secret money. I know how much he earns and he knows how much I earn. If he lost his job he can use my account and vice versa. We run our accounts like this because it helps both us control how much we are spending on household items and on social items. We also sometimes socialize separately, me as I live abroad I like to fly home a lot this I pay for from my current account. He is a mountaineer and often goes on guided trips which can work out expensive he pays for those from his current account. We could put it all into the joint account and pay for these trips from the joint account but then our monthly financial incoming and outgoing health wouldnt be as clear to us as it currently is.
Andrewa said:
Why is it strange to understand and control what you are spending? Frequently people post on this website with their finances out of control and the first piece of advice they receive from the regulars is to set up a budget and monitor how much they are spending. Just to be clear, after a night out we wouldnt be bickering going "you owe me this, I paid for the taxi etc...." but we do try to "pay the other back" simply to control our finances. At the end of the day my money is his money and vice versa but its in our interest to know what we are spending on what.
Andrewa said:
OK, this is strange, just because people do hold separate accounts as well as joint accounts doesnt mean there are secret stashes. That would be strange for me too. Are you sure you are not just assuming this? Our bank statements come to the same address, we file them in the same box with the joint account statements. No secrets.
Andrewa said:
Same here. Again, I think there are being a lot of assumptions being made here. If he or I were unemployeed, we'd sit down, we'd go over our finances, the employed one will support the joint account to which both have access and we'd also establish where we can both cut back on if necessary.
Our system will change a bit, when we've kids. We'll increase the contribution to the joint account and there will be less socializing I wont be going to Ireland when I feel like it and he wont be gallavanting up mountains as much
our savings SSIA etc will be used for our house deposit, it wont matter if he has contributed a bit more than me or me him, its our joint savings (eventhough they are physically located in separate accounts).Hey, if someone wants to blow €500 on shoes that's OK with me. We all need a little luxury now and then. But just because the money comes from "your" account doesn't mean it's not affecting your partner's financial position. The fact is, as a couple, you are also a single economic unit. When it comes to buying a house, or paying an existing mortgage, the €500 is still gone.
I think having seperate accounts and the culture of individual owership of money above and beyond immediate needs for bills mitigates against good financial planning for the future - especially if it discourages discussion of significant "individual" purchases such as the €500 shoes or a trek up the Himalayas.
Individual purchases still affect your joint position, your net worth as a couple. So they should still be jointly "approved" if your net worth as a couple is important to you. Why wait to have kids to make big changes to financial arrangements? If you've decided to have kids (and especially if you think one of you might cut down or stop working) it might be a good thing to plan ahead financially and place less emphasis on individual buying power.
Just my opinion. All other things being equal people should do what works for them, of course.
I think having seperate accounts and the culture of individual owership of money above and beyond immediate needs for bills mitigates against good financial planning for the future - especially if it discourages discussion of significant "individual" purchases such as the €500 shoes or a trek up the Himalayas.
Individual purchases still affect your joint position, your net worth as a couple. So they should still be jointly "approved" if your net worth as a couple is important to you. Why wait to have kids to make big changes to financial arrangements? If you've decided to have kids (and especially if you think one of you might cut down or stop working) it might be a good thing to plan ahead financially and place less emphasis on individual buying power.
Just my opinion. All other things being equal people should do what works for them, of course.
extopia said:
It doesnt in anyway discourage discussion of spending. To repeat again, there is no secrecy. Aside from the cost of a trip up the himalayas there is also the time spent away from your partner so believe you me it will be discussed at great length
extopia said:
Agreed, and that is what I was trying to say in the last line of my post, all the money is joint savings (SSIA, pensions, current, joint account, etc).
Every couple is different, something that will work for us wont necessarily work for somebody else. For us, it is very clear with this system how our money is being spent. We can see on months when our household spending has really peaked compared to other months and we can investigate why, is it the heating bills, the phone bills, is it the internet usage....the point is its very clear very quickly. We can see in our individual accounts that we have perhaps a thousand left over at the end of every month, we can discuss how we are going to save that, is it best left in a current account or is there some way we should be investing it. We are both saving very hard right now (for a house) and for us this system is very clear.
The impression on this thread is that people who have a single account as well as a joint account are stashing money away, not discussing money, secretly spending money, basically not working as a unit/couple and that is simply wrong.
microsquid
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Sherman said:
IIRC don't all previously signed legal documents eg. wills etc. become null and void on signing your marriage licence?
I would assume the same devastating legal effect would apply to pre-nups?
Just based on a comment on wills from my solicitor - anyone else want to shed more light?
extopia said:
We have been planning for the future since we decided to buy a house & get engaged. We deliberatly didn't stretch ourselves when buying our house. Luckily we both earn decent salaries but one of the criteria when buying our house was could we survive on one salary? Our mortgage repayments are less that 20% of our net income. We have bought & fitted out our house and paid for our wedding in the last 2.5 years...without incurring any debt except our mortgage. We both have savings and we also always ensure we have a slush fund of one months mortgage in our joint account.
We hope to start a family soon and the only change to our system will be for the duration of maternity leave everything will be dumped into the pot and we'll take a set amount for personal spending money each month. If one of us decides to go part time then we will do the same.
I prefer to have my "own" money to spend as I wish. My "own" money being whats left over after all our other outgoings are covered. Whether that be €100 or €1000 a month. Neither of us would dream of spending to the detriment of the other and as I've said before neither of us would see the other stuck for money.
This system has worked for both my parents (married 35 years) and my in-laws (married 45 years)...and we are happy that it works for us...after all if two accountants can't sort their own finances...
This thread really helped me. My husband and I have struggled for ages to sort out a budget. We know we should have far more left over at the end of the month than we do. I think one of the problems is that I get paid monthly, into my account, and he gets paid fortnightly into his account. Most of the bills then come out of his account and I use mine to try and save a bit, groceries, other expenditures as the month goes on.
We find it really hard to work out what we have coming in and out at different times of the month because of the fortnightly pay, you canot say x amount will go in on x date every month.
Having read this, we talked and decided that a joint account, with everything coming in and out might be the esaiest option.
Currently our savings account is joint, but not current accounts.
We both know we should be able to save a lot more than we are!
We find it really hard to work out what we have coming in and out at different times of the month because of the fortnightly pay, you canot say x amount will go in on x date every month.
Having read this, we talked and decided that a joint account, with everything coming in and out might be the esaiest option.
Currently our savings account is joint, but not current accounts.
We both know we should be able to save a lot more than we are!
terrysgirl33
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Jam, I get paid every fortnight, and I found re-arrangeing the mortage to be paid every fortnight as well (on the day after I got paid) made life much easier for managing money.