Married Couple division of bills
- Thread starter Winnie
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Andrewa said:
I agree too.
To be clear, individual accounts does not imply individual spending. Individual accounts do not imply secret stashes, secret purchases, lack of discussion on spending, lack of respect/understanding of joint savings. All assumptions.
.casiopea said:
Just to be absolutely clear, I never assumed that you (or any other poster) had a secret stash or made a secret purchase. I didn't say you had. (I do know of people who have done these things, but I was not assuming that you had). I think you're assuming that I have made assumptions! All I was trying to say (and my point was made better for me by Extopia) was that your "own" money really isn't your "own" money - it's a joint situation. For me, therefore, I don't need to refer to any money as my "own", and I don't understand those who have that need. Z'all! Horses for courses.
.casiopea said:
Just to be absolutely clear, I never assumed that you (or any other poster) had a secret stash or made a secret purchase. I didn't say you had. (I do know of people who have done these things, but I was not assuming that you had). I think you're assuming that I have made assumptions! All I was trying to say (and my point was made better for me by Extopia) was that your "own" money really isn't your "own" money - it's a joint situation. For me, therefore, I don't need to refer to any money as my "own", and I don't understand those who have that need. Z'all! Horses for courses.
Andrewa said:
No worries Andrewa, I was just being pedantic because all of those statements (secret stashes, secret purchases, lack of discussion on spending, running away money) have been used in this thread on the discussion of why individuals might continue to hold an account.
Andrewa said:
I agree, as I said above, and I think just because the money isnt physically located in the same place, ie joint account, doesnt change that.
Andrewa said:
Im trying to draw the distinction here, that those of who do hold individual accounts dont necessarily refer to that money as our "own" money. Its not the same thing.
I am in the same situation as Andrewa and Extopia. We have been married for just over 10 years. We see ourselves as one economic unit so don't have a need for separate accounts. It's just so easy to manage. We never have to say "I paid for that" or "You owe me x amount". I just can't imagine doing that. Having said that, we have very similar attitudes to money so we are never surprised or shocked by the other's spending.
Funny thread. Mr.V and I pool everything. Can't imagine doing anything else. All assets are joint, even our cars, although one is more his and one is more mine, if you know what I mean! Only thing that ever annoys me is his absolute failure to ever have any cash, which means my supply is always being 'nicked' by him.
By the way, wills can be made expressly in contemplation of marriage, in which case the actual marriage will not make them void. Obviously pre-nups are also made in contemplation of marriage and so therefore are not voided by the marriage.
By the way, wills can be made expressly in contemplation of marriage, in which case the actual marriage will not make them void. Obviously pre-nups are also made in contemplation of marriage and so therefore are not voided by the marriage.
The 1st Mrs Observer and I completely pooled everything - joint current, savings, mortgage, loan, credit card accounts. We shared the tasks of account management too - I looked after the lodgements and she took care of the withdrawals. No, no I jest.... But, seriously, incompatibilities in attitudes to money (and the resentments that resulted) contributed in no small way to the break-up. Suffice to say, fault on both sides......
My current partner and I also pool everything and it works smoothly because we have almost identical attitudes to money (and possibly cos we're older and wiser!)
My current partner and I also pool everything and it works smoothly because we have almost identical attitudes to money (and possibly cos we're older and wiser!)
Pooling all money gives both partners an overall view of the finances of the house. Keeping everything separate can lead to inefficiencies, not only in terms of additional fees, which are small in the greater scheme, but some money is invested or borrowed more effectively by one or other of the partners at any given time. Pooling should enable all investment / borrowing to be the most effective. You see the bigger picture which allows for better financial planning. What do people have to hide in a committed relationship?
Pooling also keeps both partners spending habits in reasonable check. Partners should agree an amount of unaccountable frivolous spending, e.g. he can spend 250 euro a month on computer games, lads nights out, etc, she can spend the same on manicures, ladies nights out, or whatever. If the relationship is mostly devoid of begrudging, then that system will work.
And if you are married, what about "sickness and in health, for richer or poorer", etc? The idea of "you owe me this or that because I bought some eggs and milk" is silly. It's as bad as the husband giving the housewife housekeeping money and keeping everything else in his wallet.
I am not married (yet), but have been in the same relationship for 14 years and almost from day 1 pooled all finances. I have typically earned twice as much as my partner and do not resent sharing everything, even when she spends 100 euro on her hair highlights and I only spend 11 euro for a back and sides.
Pooling also keeps both partners spending habits in reasonable check. Partners should agree an amount of unaccountable frivolous spending, e.g. he can spend 250 euro a month on computer games, lads nights out, etc, she can spend the same on manicures, ladies nights out, or whatever. If the relationship is mostly devoid of begrudging, then that system will work.
And if you are married, what about "sickness and in health, for richer or poorer", etc? The idea of "you owe me this or that because I bought some eggs and milk" is silly. It's as bad as the husband giving the housewife housekeeping money and keeping everything else in his wallet.
I am not married (yet), but have been in the same relationship for 14 years and almost from day 1 pooled all finances. I have typically earned twice as much as my partner and do not resent sharing everything, even when she spends 100 euro on her hair highlights and I only spend 11 euro for a back and sides.
I have to admit to being very surprised by the number of people who pool their money together! My partner and I are together for 5 years and keep the majority of our spending seperate. Rent, bills, groceries are taken out of joint account but that's it. Whenever we buy a house together we will just change the rent amount to mortgage amount. I suppose it may change if we had children. I think I would always like to have some amount of money to call my own and to do whatever I want with, once all the bills are paid.
We went out to dinner last night, and although he paid the bill, I gave him roughly half when we got home. To us (and most of our friends I have to say), that is normal, and I would find it very strange not to do that. As already mentioned, each to their own, so long as everyone is happy with their own set up surely that's the main thing?
We went out to dinner last night, and although he paid the bill, I gave him roughly half when we got home. To us (and most of our friends I have to say), that is normal, and I would find it very strange not to do that. As already mentioned, each to their own, so long as everyone is happy with their own set up surely that's the main thing?
I think this is the key - if you have children and if you both decide that it would be in the child's/children's best interest/s for one of you, usually the mother, to stay at home, then that's where the 'your money, my money' becomes interesting.boogaloo said:
We've always had everything pooled from about a year after we met and therefore when I stopped working to look after our child, there was no difference to my access to money as it was always seen as 'ours'.
A friend of mine and her husband had this 'my money, your money' system going in the early years of their marriage and when they had children and decided that she would stay at home to look after them, it suddenly became 'his money and the 'allowance' he 'gives' her every month!
I couldn't live like that - I think it's demeaning and he makes her ask for every little thing she needs extra over and above her 'allowance'.
When they have a tiff over anything - he will say 'well, didn't I just buy you a car?'
I don't think that will happen with everyone - this particular guy is a very high earner and likes the feeling of power this gives him over his wife - perhaps he's lacking in other areas!
I cannot get over when married couples act like this. We always pooled our money so when my husband was off sick for a while or when I was on maternity it never entered our heads to have an allowance! This really bugs me when a wife minding the kids has to ask her husband for money. I couldn't live like this and can see how it might appeal to the earner but how would it appeal to those receiving the allowance?
Well, there is no way I could cope with getting an 'allowance' every week and having to grovel or explain myself if I went over budget on something - I'd crack up!!
I suppose I don't ever envisage a time where I wouldn't be working at least part time if I had children. If I was without income for a few months, then my partner would of course support me as I did him when he was out of work a few years ago. But once I was back earning it would go back to individual money. Maybe I was single for too long and too independent!
I suppose I don't ever envisage a time where I wouldn't be working at least part time if I had children. If I was without income for a few months, then my partner would of course support me as I did him when he was out of work a few years ago. But once I was back earning it would go back to individual money. Maybe I was single for too long and too independent!
There are two separate issues here not to be confused. Women having to ask or being allocated an allowance and couples using separate accounts as well as (or instead of) joint.
While my husband and I have separate accounts our set up is very similiar to DC27 who's talking about pooling. For us, as I explained earlier, its very easy to see whats being spent this way. Like DC27 we have an agreed amount of frivolous spending and an agreed amount of necessary saving. In any month we have as a couple approximately 50 transactions (from rent, mortgage to grocery and frivolous spending). When we do our finances and sit down and go through our month we can see really easily what got spent on what. Its easier to see it across 3 accounts (mine, his, joint) than having all the 50 coming out of one account (for me this makes the cost of the account worth it). Especially as some transactions dont have a very clear name against them in the bank statement. The 20 or so transactions from the joint account are always usually the same: Supermarket, car sharing, rent, heating, sometimes a weekend away if we were away as a couple. Then there are 15 approximately from our single accounts (for me maybe a trip to Dublin, lunches during the week, a present for him etc.). Immediately I know the 15 from my account were made by me and the 15 from his by him. All of them, in this method, are very identifiable for us and have helped us set goals like "lets cut back on this and try and save 500chf extra this month". Since we've employed this system Ive been much more in control of my finances than I ever was (including before I met him). Eventhough, we both have separate accounts as well as our joint account we consider all money joint money, all savings joint savings and all resources (not only financial) pooled. Neither ever has to ask the other for an allowance. I think a lot of people who have single accounts in a marraige think this way.
Unfortunately I do know someone who has a household allowance similiar to Delgirls story, but they never had financial transparency in their relationship even before the children came, which is a different thing to owning separate accounts.
While my husband and I have separate accounts our set up is very similiar to DC27 who's talking about pooling. For us, as I explained earlier, its very easy to see whats being spent this way. Like DC27 we have an agreed amount of frivolous spending and an agreed amount of necessary saving. In any month we have as a couple approximately 50 transactions (from rent, mortgage to grocery and frivolous spending). When we do our finances and sit down and go through our month we can see really easily what got spent on what. Its easier to see it across 3 accounts (mine, his, joint) than having all the 50 coming out of one account (for me this makes the cost of the account worth it). Especially as some transactions dont have a very clear name against them in the bank statement. The 20 or so transactions from the joint account are always usually the same: Supermarket, car sharing, rent, heating, sometimes a weekend away if we were away as a couple. Then there are 15 approximately from our single accounts (for me maybe a trip to Dublin, lunches during the week, a present for him etc.). Immediately I know the 15 from my account were made by me and the 15 from his by him. All of them, in this method, are very identifiable for us and have helped us set goals like "lets cut back on this and try and save 500chf extra this month". Since we've employed this system Ive been much more in control of my finances than I ever was (including before I met him). Eventhough, we both have separate accounts as well as our joint account we consider all money joint money, all savings joint savings and all resources (not only financial) pooled. Neither ever has to ask the other for an allowance. I think a lot of people who have single accounts in a marraige think this way.
Unfortunately I do know someone who has a household allowance similiar to Delgirls story, but they never had financial transparency in their relationship even before the children came, which is a different thing to owning separate accounts.
Very intresting topic, we were thinking about just having one joint account as we are changing banks.
Myself and dh have seperate accounts and seperate savings ssias. Thats were the seperation ends really though. We just spend whatever money we have. I earn more than my hubbie at the moment. We have one child and whatever she needs is usually bought by whoever has money. I have no car loan at the moment so its mostly me who buys these things or big purchases as I have some spare cash. I suppose in the future it may change at the moment it works for us as we need seperate cars etc. We have a joint account where our mortgage comes out of and if there is enough left over we pay the bills if not one of looks after it who ever has the sponds at the time, same with nights out etc. We just tend to juggle our finances to afford whatever we need. We have been together for 12 years through some really tough times financially and have never fought over money. The only money I say is mine is what I find in hubbies pockets when doing the washing)
Myself and dh have seperate accounts and seperate savings ssias. Thats were the seperation ends really though. We just spend whatever money we have. I earn more than my hubbie at the moment. We have one child and whatever she needs is usually bought by whoever has money. I have no car loan at the moment so its mostly me who buys these things or big purchases as I have some spare cash. I suppose in the future it may change at the moment it works for us as we need seperate cars etc. We have a joint account where our mortgage comes out of and if there is enough left over we pay the bills if not one of looks after it who ever has the sponds at the time, same with nights out etc. We just tend to juggle our finances to afford whatever we need. We have been together for 12 years through some really tough times financially and have never fought over money. The only money I say is mine is what I find in hubbies pockets when doing the washing
)Same here,
One of the main discussions we had before we went serious with our relations was money. We both were quiet clear that money should never be a point of contention. We have a joint account too. I feel lucky that my spouse thinks the way I do. In return of saying thanx to her, I just keep my mouth shut for whatever she buys. Luckily we both have a smilar wavelength so it works like a rocket...
One of the main discussions we had before we went serious with our relations was money. We both were quiet clear that money should never be a point of contention. We have a joint account too. I feel lucky that my spouse thinks the way I do. In return of saying thanx to her, I just keep my mouth shut for whatever she buys. Luckily we both have a smilar wavelength so it works like a rocket...
We both had seperate accounts, into which our salaries were paid, before we married and didn't see the point of closing one.
My salary, prior to retirement, was always higher than that of my wife so I paid all the bills and transfered into my wife's account an "allowance to cover food costs etc.
We still operate the same system and the various transfers noted in my earlier post on this topic mean that my wife has more liquid cash than I do.
Not a problem to either of us and a benefit, as far as I am concerned, is that if I fall of the twig tomorrow my wife has enough money of her own to keep her at the same standard of living for the next 3 years. (This is before my will goes to probate and before my pension is transfered to her.
My salary, prior to retirement, was always higher than that of my wife so I paid all the bills and transfered into my wife's account an "allowance to cover food costs etc.
We still operate the same system and the various transfers noted in my earlier post on this topic mean that my wife has more liquid cash than I do.
Not a problem to either of us and a benefit, as far as I am concerned, is that if I fall of the twig tomorrow my wife has enough money of her own to keep her at the same standard of living for the next 3 years. (This is before my will goes to probate and before my pension is transfered to her.