Legal bedroom size

[ailbhe]

Ailbhe, I think you may be as well not to engage with our 4 posts friend, Spannerhead. Boards.ie are still closed for the moment, they'll be open soon. I think Spannerhead is trying to get a rise out of you.

Ah yes, I see. I hadn't spotted the 4 posts thing.

Boredom at it's best obviously.

 

[Pique318]

Much and all as I agree with the majority on this thread, I think it's curious that he has rented out a room to someone but yet wouldn't let the child sleep in her own room due to his mistrust of this person.

That sounds a bit creepy to me, or have I picked it up wrong?

 

[truthseeker]

That sounds a bit creepy to me, or have I picked it up wrong?

My understanding is that this is just a safety issue, you dont 'know' a lodger is definitely ok (to begin with anyway), plus it might be scary for the child if she accidently ran into him during the night (if she went to the loo for example and he was coming home from somewhere and they bumped into each other on the landing). The lodger would be a stranger to the child.

 

[ailbhe]

Much and all as I agree with the majority on this thread, I think it's curious that he has rented out a room to someone but yet wouldn't let the child sleep in her own room due to his mistrust of this person.

That sounds a bit creepy to me, or have I picked it up wrong?

Well, it was a joint decision by both of us.The guy is probably fine but you can't be too sure. Child goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 8am leaving a number of hours through the night where her dad is asleep the far side of the house and she is vunerable to a practical stranger having access to her bedroom.

 

[Bronte]

Well, it was a joint decision by both of us.The guy is probably fine but you can't be too sure. Child goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 8am leaving a number of hours through the night where her dad is asleep the far side of the house and she is vunerable to a practical stranger having access to her bedroom.

This story has gone too far, you can't have it every way. You agreed she stay there but you want it under your own terms, now you are pointing out dangers, either it is dangerous or it is not. If it is dangerous that she shouldn't stay there whatsoever. Don't pretend to the child that you want her happiness in staying with her dad but then put obstacles in his way. Forgive me if I am wrong but that is the impression I am getting. While I don't agree the living conditions are ideal, one has to deal with what there is.

I am also acutely conscience of the obstacles that can be put upon spouses in relation to using children as leverage in an acrimonous split.

By the way on another note I don't like the assumption that every man is a monster or potential monster.

 

[ailbhe]

This story has gone too far, you can't have it every way. You agreed she stay there but you want it under your own terms, now you are pointing out dangers, either is is dangerous or it is not. If it is dangerous that she shouldn't stay there.

By the way I don't like the assumption that every man is a monster.

Oh for the love of god!! This is absurd.
I don't want it every way.
If I wanted it every way there is no way I would be allowing his partner, the woman he cheated on me with, to have anything to do with my child. I wouldn't be letting him see her, I'd have cut ties years ago and have nothing to do with him.

What I WANT is for my daughter to be safe. I know the risk to her from the lodger is minimal but it can happen. What sort of parent would I be if I left a strange man pretty much alone with my daughter in the dead of night? Her dad would not hear anything from his room. Neither of us know this lodger. I'm not for one second saying that every man is a monster and I have no issues with my daughter being around him but yes, I draw a line at her sleeping alone with a strange man nearer to her than her father. Even her father agrees with me on this.
Anyway, he is trying to let out the childs bedroom so it's not likely that she will be sleeping there anyway.

Is a bike dangerous, a car, a scooter? Potentially, yes. This is why we make our kids wear helmets and buy car seats and use seat belts. Not that we expect them to be injured or hurt but if they are, damage in minimised.
I don't expect that the lodger is a child abuser but the risk is there and I choose to protect the child by having her share a room with her father who can protect her.

Don't pretend to the child that you want her happiness in staying with her dad but then put obstacles in his way. Forgive me if I am wrong but that is the impression I am getting. While I don't agree the living conditions are ideal, one has to deal with what there is.

I am also acutely conscience of the obstacles that can be put upon spouses in relation to using children as leverage in an acrimonous split.

Okay, so I said he can still have her as much as he wants, he can introduce his partner to her, they can take her on days out and let her get to know his new partner. Once this is happening then she can share a room with them. And I'm throwing obstacles in his way? I'm pretending nothing to the child. I told her straight up that I wasn't happy with the situation whereby she ends up sleeping in the walk in wardrobe and therefore the overnights wouldn't be happening.
One couls also argue that it is up to him to provide adeqaute sleeping arrangments for the child if he has her overnight. Much as I have done in renting a house alone instead of renting a room in a shared house for a fraction of the cost I pay now.

If I were using the child as leverage I would be looking for the house, money etc etc. I look for nothing from him other than for him to respect the decisions I make as the childs mother. Same as I look for from other friends and relatives. If I didn't want my daughter sharing a room with my sister and her new boyfriend then I would expect that she would respect this and make other arrangements if she wanted to take my child overnight.

 

[Scotsgirl]

Ailbhe,

I don't think you are reacting too strongly at all in this situation. You sound like a very good mother who is only interested in the welfare of her child.

I think the child will end up with esteem issues if her father makes her sleep in the wardrobe, especially if the new girlfriend is staying there. And yes it is completely unsuitable that they are all in the same room together. As you say she was obviously deeply upset when her father left, and I don't think this situation is going to help.

You say the father is now going to reduce the time spent with her if you don't agree to what he is proposing. I agree you shouldn't be blackmailed into doing this.

So that your child isn't upset by the reduced time, is there some other father figure in her life who might spend some regular time with her on the day her father normally took her out. Perhaps bring her to the cinema, trip into town etc. Just to take her mind off it and so she can see that there are men out there that are reliable and are not going to let her down.

I hope your ex realises sooner rather than later what he is doing to this little girl. She may eventually want nothing to do with him when she get older, which he may regret.

 

[ailbhe]

Ailbhe,

I don't think you are reacting too strongly at all in this situation. You sound like a very good mother who is only interested in the welfare of her child.

I think the child will end up with esteem issues if her father makes her sleep in the wardrobe, especially if the new girlfriend is staying there. And yes it is completely unsuitable that they are all in the same room together. As you say she was obviously deeply upset when her father left, and I don't think this situation is going to help.

You say the father is now going to reduce the time spent with her if you don't agree to what he is proposing. I agree you shouldn't be blackmailed into doing this.

So that your child isn't upset by the reduced time, is there some other father figure in her life who might spend some regular time with her on the day her father normally took her out. Perhaps bring her to the cinema, trip into town etc. Just to take her mind off it and so she can see that there are men out there that are reliable and are not going to let her down.

I hope your ex realises sooner rather than later what he is doing to this little girl. She may eventually want nothing to do with him when she get older, which he may regret.

He isn't reducing his time with her. He will have her one night a week from 7pm to 8am, much the same as he has for the past year or so. He asked for an increase in the time with her to include one weekend per month from sat evening to monday morning on the condition that his partner was involved. I agreed and it was fine until the sleeping arrangments became a problem.

She has my brother, my father and a few male friends (mostly my best friends husbands/partners) and also my sisters husbands who all play an active role in her life.
She has some good male role models which is good for her I think. For her though, there's nobody quite like her daddy.

 

[Spannerhead]

Ailbhe, I think you may be as well not to engage with our 4 posts friend, Spannerhead. Boards.ie are still closed for the moment, they'll be open soon. I think Spannerhead is trying to get a rise out of you.

Thanks batty. I take it you never had 4 posts......... As I said, not trying to get a rise. Trying to show some objectivity. Guess I need more posts for that.