Wife’s Contribution to the Mortgage, Bills etc. while seeking a Divorce

[bkenn14]

Clubman I would agree with a lot of what you say up to a point,
Just to give you an example of a pitfall i have seen down trough the years where I worked is the main breadwinner male or female often get the short straw when it comes to having a good relationship with there Children,
often the finish up working long hours along with moving into accommodation not suitable to have children overnight stay, what was surprising and I thought strange was the outcome appeared to be linked to how informed they were before hiring solicitor and finished up locking themselves into a dead end parenting role that was next to inpossible to get out of once agreement was reached,

so the focus needs to be more about how both breadwinners as parents do not allow themselves to be disadvantage at the expense of the other former partner you will find often the main breadwinner due of work commitments and trying to do what is best for there Children often neglects this part when instructing solicitor, resulting in both parent and children losing out longterm,

 

[bkenn14]

Cruzer123
There was a book published by Anne McLoughlin a good few years ago called Surviving ( A Personal Guide To Judicial Seperation in Ireland
It was published in 2004 by
TownHouse Dublin
THCH Ltd
Trinity House
Charleston Road
Ranelagh
Dublin
It gives valuable advice on the inportance of choosing the right solicitor, how to get the most out of there service
It was on Judicial seperation so a bit out of date , I think she may have followed in up with a newer book,
contents
Types of seperation Out of date we are now in 2025,
The right solicitor for you
Barristers
repesenting your self-acting lat litigation (I would keep well away from lay Litigant but it is covered)
Legal aid
How the courts work
What the courts can make judgments on
Other lessions I learned about the courts
Working out your finances
The maintenance myth
Access
Pre nuprial agreements
Paper work
Looking ahead
I suspect there are lots of other books Written since then,

 

[ClubMan]

Clubman I would agree with a lot of what you say up to a point,
Just to give you an example of a pitfall i have seen down trough the years

I didn't disagree with the utility of others' pitfalls and related advice. My point is that one couple's outcome is specific to their particular circumstances and is probably not relevant to any other couple's situation.

 

[bkenn14]

I didn't disagree with the utility of others' pitfalls and related advice. My point is that one couple's outcome is specific to their particular circumstances and is probably not relevant to any other couple's situation.

Very well said
Which emphasizes that each partner is uniquely suited to present there prospective and advocate for themselves
the need to engage a solicitor who relates to them takes time to understand where they are coming from and let them know if they are going about it the correct or incorrect way,

Cruzer123 solicitor friend looks like the last person you would engage if you were trying to encourage mediation to resolve issues,
In most cases failing to engage in mediation will come against you in the end unless the other party try something foolish which gives them a get out of jail card,

 

[bkenn14]

or well over 2 decades I have paid the mortgage and every single bill including the weekly shopping. Lately this has consumed 80% of my earnings. Despite this she accuses me of financial control. Alas it was remiss of me to continue this arrangement for so long.

If you haven't started already you need to start today and put in place a system tracking all of your spending to your earnings, It will be brought up sooner than later you need to have all outgoings receipts ready at all times to back up claim, you say your partner has a top solicitor engaged top solicitors don't like getting cought out with incorrect information up in front of a judge,

Anyone have any thoughts regarding whether this arrangement is fair in the pre divorce stage and any ideas how I may go about changing it?

Don't change or attempt to change anything right now, don't hand over a stick for someone else to beat you up with,

 

[Cruzer123]

In most cases failing to engage in mediation will come against you in the end unless the other party try something foolish which gives them a get out of jail card

Ok, so she point blank refused the idea of couples therapy, she’s likely heading straight to a contested divorce with no offer of mediation. She said she won’t be dealing with me on anything and will be guided by her solicitor (despite saying last week whether or not she’s seen a solicitor is none of my business).

She’s single minded, rigid in her opinions and not for changing.

I suspect given she’s refused counselling she’ll refuse mediation. I say this because she’s very unhappy angry and hostile for no good reason.

If it plays out that she has refused mediation how will it “come against” her in the end other than increased costs which are being paid by a family member. I will end up paying my own costs which will no doubt be significantly higher due to the her lack of insight on processes available to her.

From what I’ve seen and heard I feel like I’m about to be dragged into a ridiculously expensive contested divorce when I’d rather just mediate & split everything 50, 50 and be done with it.

 

[ClubMan]

I’m feel like I’m getting dragged into a contested divorce when I’d rather just split everything 50, 50 and be done with it.

Engage a solicitor and explain to them that you're willing to do this.

I find it curious that the children don't really feature prominently in your posts given that they're presumably still minors (you mention school, school trips and exams) so their care, custody and access to both parents will be issues that need to be negotiated and dealt with - and arguably take precedence over purely financial/property matters.

 

[Cruzer123]

I find it curious that the children don't really feature prominently in your posts given that they're presumably still minors (you mention school, school trips and exams)

They’re in their late teens and I’m being purposely vague. Custody won’t be an issue whatsoever, they’ll land in whichever home they want I’d guess.

I suspect I’ll be relegated to the Dad that spends a couple of hours with them at the weekend or a trip to the movies during the week. This is one aspect that galls me, missing time at home with them & being with them 27 x 7. Two still have a lot of growing to do.