Wedding Costs

msmyth said:
However it crosses a line asking for cash IMO, like a previous poster said it smacks of selling tickets. To date none of my friends have asked for cash gifts and in honesty I don't think that I would go if they did.
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Why? Whats the difference between cash and a gift? If I felt I didn't need anything and didn't want to be stuck with a load of gifts, I would have no problem asking for cash.
 
annR I take your point but they can always include their phone numbers/email addresses in the invite in case people have any questions. If they don't want to field the calls, they can set up a wedding website/blog where people could find info like wedding list, maps, nearby accommodation, they are quite easy to set up!

Also I think people can and should ignore the fact that they might get money. They certainly shouldn't factor the 'projected amount' into their wedding plans, in case they get much less! And just because everyone is doing it now doesn't mean that it's no longer rude.

It's not exactly free day for the guests - every wedding I've attended has been on a Friday or a Monday and outside of Dublin, meaning that I had to take at least one day off to attend the wedding, then pay for transport, accommodation and drinks - so asking for money on top of that in the invitation is TACKY. (I don't begrudge paying for things like transport by the way, I'm just pointing out that it costs guests too!)

(And yes, I won't attend a wedding where 'cash only please' is printed on the invite unless it is a very close friend!)
 
Sunny said:
Why? Whats the difference between cash and a gift? If I felt I didn't need anything and didn't want to be stuck with a load of gifts, I would have no problem asking for cash.
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Just to ask - why do people who have weddings expect a gift or cash in the first place? Would you send a wedding list or a cash request in an invite to any other occasion? Surely people invite their friends and family to share their special day, shouldn't their presence be enough?

Now I'm not saying that I'd go to a wedding empty handed, but when I get an invite with a wedding list or a cash request, it's like saying: "You are invited to our wedding, and in exchange you must buy the following...".

I like wedding lists too, they are handy, but isn't it presumptuous to tell someone what to get you before they ask you what you want, or offer to get you something? If I sent you a gift list with my 30th birthday, or wedding anniversary party, wouldn't you think it was rude? Just because everyone does it with weddings doesn't mean that it's any less off-putting.
 

I honestly wouldn't think anything. My group of friends don't do birthday gifts for each other but I would have no problem giving my family and girlfriend ideas of what to get me if I knew they were getting me something. You don't have to stick to the list or cash only if you can think of a really nice thoughtful gift that you know the couple will appreciate and you don't get refused entrance to the wedding if you turn up empty handed.
 

If you wouldn't think anything of it that's grand, but I personally would think something of it if I got an invite with a list of presents that they wanted, regardless of the event. And I know I'm not alone. Perhaps something that soon-to-be-wed couples might think about?
 

It certainly has. I am going to make my wedding list much more exclusive and expensive and I am going to ask for cash gifts to be handed to me in person so I can count the money in front of the giver. Hopefully that will offend plenty of sensitive people out there and they can stay away or they can come and have a good bit**ing session at the bar with other disgruntled guests.
 
To be honest how many of us have received gifts christmas, bday etc that we really didn't want? I would say everybody has experienced it so lists etc do negate the guessing game that is shopping for someone elses tastes. I would have been of the mind before that they were tacky, but now tbh I think their handy. I would think that most people give cash anyway, and agree asking for cash is tasteless.
 
It's just plain rude to ask people for cash, I should've included a cash specification with the invites for the recent birthday party I threw so that I could recoup the costs of all the food and drink I provided, see how that would've gone down
 

LOL Sunny! I'm sorry I upset you, it was not my intention. I was just giving my opinion on a forum, like you were. I might be sensitive, yes - but I think I made a valid point that other people may not have thought of. Enjoy your wedding when you have it, and don't worry about the disgruntled guests. It's your day after all!
 
msmyth said:
It's just plain rude to ask people for cash, I should've included a cash specification with the invites for the recent birthday party I threw so that I could recoup the costs of all the food and drink I provided, see how that would've gone down
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Different strokes for different folks - I was always delighted to get an invite that included either a wedding list as it saved me the hassle of shopping for a gift that they might not even like.
Ive never seen it as rude - more as helpful than anything.

As far as 'cash gifts' go - I cant say Ive ever experienced it written on an invite but Ive certainly been told through the grapevine that the couple would prefer cash. And was always happy to comply.

Isnt the idea of wedding gifts based around the fact that friends and family would gather and offer gifts that would help the happy couple set up for their new lives together - so household items would have been the norm? So times have changed but the idea of helping the couple out still holds - today people dont need the household items if they have their own home already so why not give cash?
 

Don't worry you didn't upset me! My wedding is very small consisting of close family and friends. It would take alot to offend any of them and if they are offended, they would have no problem telling me to my face!! I am told every day by the other half that it's not my day at all. It's all about her her her!! Just another normal day in the Sunny household then!
 

I agree with the different strokes comment! So true. And the origin of wedding gifts. Like you say time have changed, the majority of couples who are getting married now already have a home and have furnished it.

But to me that means that modern couples might not need a 'dig out' or at least shouldn't automatically expect one. My bf and I have been together eight years and financially we are better off than our single friends as we can share our mortgage and pool our wages.

My point is that I'm not against giving money or wedding lists. Not at all. They make things much easier for everyone involved. But I think it is more polite to wait until you are asked first before you tell someone what you want. My two cents, as always feel free to ignore!
 
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HelloJed said:
My point is that I'm not against giving money or wedding lists. Not at all. They make things much easier for everyone involved. But I think it is more polite to wait until you are asked first before you tell someone what you want.
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So you think its ok for people to receive cash gifts but not to ask for them because thats impolite?
 
truthseeker said:
So you think its ok for people to receive cash gifts but not to ask for them because thats impolite?
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Well that's exactly what I think, I actually usually give cash presents. To actually request cash is both mean and impolite.
 
truthseeker said:
So you think its ok for people to receive cash gifts but not to ask for them because thats impolite?
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Yes, you're spot on. I take Sunny's point that I might be being sensitive here - but I would never, ever give a list of present ideas or a request for cash to someone while inviting them to a party, wedding, etc.

Every wedding I've attended where I haven't got a wedding list or cash request with the invite I've just emailed them or called them and asked what they've wanted. If they want cash I'll gladly give it to them. But I think it is more polite to wait until you are asked first before you tell someone what you want, that's all!
 
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msmyth said:
Well that's exactly what I think, I actually usually give cash presents. To actually request cash is both mean and impolite.
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All sounds very Irish to me. I want cash. You know I want cash. You want to give cash. I just can't ask for the cash but its ok if you give me the cash without me asking..

And by the way I have never seen an invite saying cash only but as Truthseeker says above, I have heard from vouples involved that they would prefer cash. I don't think that makes them mean and impolite
 
We didnt give a wedding list or ask for cash in our invitations but used the grapevine approach. We already had a (partially) furnished house so people would ring my mother confirming that it was ok to give cash or vouchers! We were delighted with everything we got from lamps to cutlery to a voucher to hire a boat on the shannon-erne waterway. We got cash too and used it to buy a suite of furniture for the sitting room, a computer, some other furniture and bits an pieces and we made sure that in the thank you cards we mentioned what we had used the money to buy "thank you for your generous gift which allowed us to finally buy a couch to snuggle up on" etc. People were delighted to help.

Also I think traditionally, parents paid for weddings where as these days its the bride and groom that pay. So maybe in the past people didn't give money but when they realise the cost of weddings these days they are glad to help with cash.
 

I hear ya - but I think youve no doubt discovered in your life that different people have different standards of what is considered polite and what some people consider polite others might see as repressed, or what some see as impolite others might see as perfectly polite?

Perhaps couples should err on the side of caution in case they offend some of their guests?
 

Nothing wrong with being Irish! I've had a few invites saying cash only by the way.

It's just ettiquette - just like you expect people to turn up dressed appropriately and not wearing jeans and a t-shirt. (Who knows, maybe you don't mind?) And that your guests turn up on time and don't disrupt the proceedings. I accept gifts with (I hope) humility - in other words I don't tell people what to buy me when inviting them!

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree! But I'm not hung up on giving people cash. But I think it is more polite to wait until you are asked first before you tell someone what you want, that's all! (I keep repeating this I know, but it's a valid point!)
 

I agree that people have different standards of what is considered polite. But like not dressing appropriately for the occasion, not turning up on time and disrupting the proceedings, telling people what to get them without being asked first is not acceptable ettiquette.

I reckon if I did any of the above things at your wedding you would think I was rude (regardless of whether I thought it wasn't). And I wouldn't think you were repressed for thinking that. Weddings are very controlled occasions, rife with ettiquette rules for guests. The wedding party should follow their ettiquette side of the bargain too, regardless if whether they think it's repressed!

So yep - err on the side of caution because your guests will be doing the same I hope!
 
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