Unmarried fathers

[Vanilla]

Would it not be better that the father pays the food bills/clothes bills etc for the child rather than hand the partner "cash"?

That old chestnut? If I had a euro for everytime I was asked that by a client...

As a practitioner in the family law district court I can honestly say hand on heart I do not believe there is any discrimination against fathers. I think that it is possibly the most depressing place in the world and that when it gets to the district court stage there is quite often a level of vindictiveness, hurt bitterness and fury on both sides that is truly astonishing. It is the courts job to try to see through that and make a decision in the best interests of the child/ren- not an easy task. People lie, cheat, wrongfully accuse etc etc. Men/Women- no difference as far as I can see.

 

[MissRibena]

I totally agree with Vanilla. Marriage breakdown can bring out the worst in both parties, especially if it gets to the court stage. I reject the idea that the woman is better off financially after a split than while married. Maybe some are but I don't think it's right to generalise. It assumes that most cases end in court and I don't think this is the case. My friend accepted a paltry amount of child support from her husband to get herself and the kids through the legal (and actual) separation as painlessly as possible. The amount of money she gets is a joke but she still bends over backwards to give as much access as possible (eventhough he thinks of it as babysitting). She's "sucking it up" for the sake of her children and I'm sure lots of other mothers and fathers do the same. You only hear about the cases of extremes and with most of the hearings in camera we'll never know the full story.

Rebecca

 

[redbhoy]

I think the max amount of maintenance is 150 per child per week. So 1800 for 3 sounds as if the man never turned up in court and the judge awarded this.
Im in a similar situation (although thankfully wasnt married) and know for a fact that my ex is better off financially now. And due to her bitterness shes looking for more.
Ive seen 3 different solicitors and all were useless. Its as if they dont want to get involved in the hassle. Im of the opinion the cards are stacked in her favour and am hoping for a judge who'll see her for what she is- a single mother looking for a free lunch. I know this isnt the situation in all cases but it is in some of them at least.

 

[Grizzly]

As a grandparent in this situation it upsets me to see our grandchild sent over to us in clothes that are two sizes too small for the child, despite the fact that we know the child has lots of clothes that fit her.( because we bought them for her). The pettiness of the child's mother is unbelieveable. God I hate to think what is going to happen as the child gets older.

 

[RainyDay]

The facts reported are very limited to say the least; two of the children may not be biologically his but if he adopted them (as often happens) then he is responsible for their maintenance.

John Waters mentions in an opinion piece in today's Irish Times that the father in question did not adopt the other two children.

 

[shnaek]

Im in a similar situation (although thankfully wasnt married) and know for a fact that my ex is better off financially now. And due to her bitterness shes looking for more.

I have read many articles, in the UK press in particular, which suggest you would want to be assylum-fit mad to get married if you are a man of means. Paul McCartney is learning this the hard way, but he isn't the only one. In my opinion people should go out together and live together for years before deciding to marry. Otherwise you could be making a mistake that could affect you very badly (especially if you are a man of means in the UK or Ireland) for the rest of your life.

 

[Vanilla]

Conversely I would advise any woman in a secure relationship thinking of having children to ensure that she is married before she does so if she is in the normal situation of being the one who goes on maternity leave and especially if she is thinking of giving up a career, even for a few years, to care for children.

 

[Purple]

Conversely I would advise any woman in a secure relationship thinking of having children to ensure that she is married before she does so if she is in the normal situation of being the one who goes on maternity leave and especially if she is thinking of giving up a career, even for a few years, to care for children.

A good point.

It has to be assumed that people get married in good faith. It is a fact that the mother gets custody of children in most cases in a break-up. It is also the fact that some men get a bad deal in the courts.
Taking all of that into account the reality is that it is not possible to legislate for every situation. So the current system should be looked at with this in mind. Giving one or two examples of how the courts have failed fathers is meaningless as others can just as easily give examples of where the system has failed mothers. The bottom line is that any system has to (and does) put children first and work back from there. Hard cases make bad laws (and even worse constitutional amendments).