To work or not to work , baby due , what to do ! !

Purple

In response to your argument we have it better now, I would ask better for who the women or children. People here talk about the child reared in the 50s being only slightly better behaved,get real please. With regard to being smacked I was reared in the 70s and yes I was smacked on occasion but alongside that I was nurtured and cherished by my wonderful selfless mum.She reared 6 children no family support and my father worked, She is an extremely intelligent women and yes she did make sacrifices for our benefit, guess what we all adore her. The bond we have is unbreakable. We absolutely respect what she did for us. I wonder would i feel the same alliance to her if she had put me into a creche for 10 hours a day. I dont think so.

Thrifty

You ask the question would woman deliberating jepodise their childrens welfare in the pursuit of their career, I believe they would and heres why, we women have been sold the lie and unfortunately subscribed to it that we only have status if we bring in money to the household, We see mothering as having very low status hence women make the choices they do based on that, not on whether it is a good option for their children
 
Rigoletto said:
no predictions. in my experience having children does change ones perspecitives on things, sure maybe one day you'll find this to be true.
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Thats a bit of a nonsensical argument - I may as well say to you 'if you were a woman you might feel differently'.

I doubt very much if having children will change my views on a womans right to work after motherhood without being made feel guilty for it.
 

well neither i nor you could become a woman even if we were married to mrs bobbit. but i did become a parent and that did change the way i felt about a lot of things. i am merely stating that in a thread about having children and creche's etc your opinions might be coloured if or when you have children.
 
Things are better for women and children. Women because they asserted their rights and children because they no longer live in poverty, fear and abuse in schools where ill-trained teachers used often brutal force to compensate for their own shortcomings with the likelihood that a large proportion will face emigration to spend a lifetime as unskilled labour in another country.
Children are growing up in a different world and I don’t think their behaviour is any different relative to the behaviour of the adult population. If the points the generation


I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s with a stay at home mother. I am no closer to her than friends are to their mothers that worked. Anecdotal examples add nothing to the discussion.
 
Sandrat

how did you get that bond between 5.30 and 6 o clock when you had that wonderful concept called quality time. Suddenly little johnny is told you have my attention now whether you want it or not but hey it will make me feel I am fulfilling my motherly role. The child may feel tired, not want to talk. He may have a bad day at school but hey by the time mum gets home she is so tired he doesent bother to tell her, whats the point he figures it happened hours ago.
 
Obviously people can and should do what they believe suits their own family situation in relation to childcare. Some mothers will have no option but to work, some may have an option but may be disaffected, clinically depressed, resentful or overwhelmed in relation to their child, and as a result the child may fare relatively better in some 3rd party childcare arrangement. Those with options and without issues should recognise that the choice they make may have a long-term effect on their child. Anecdotal stories notwithstanding, longitudinal studies confirm the common sense intuition that, in general, young children fare better at home with their mother, or father.

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The Families, Children and Childcare study for Oxford and London universities, which followed 1,200 children from three months until age four, concluded that those looked after by their mothers do significantly better in social and emotional development than those looked after by others, who are 'definitely less good'. The study found that children fared best at home with their mothers, followed by nannies and childminders in a homely situation, then grandparents and other relatives, with day nurseries at the bottom as the `least good'. It also revealed that young children in nursery daycare tended to show higher levels of aggression or were inclined to become more withdrawn, compliant and sad.
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Other research undertaken by Professor Jay Belsky, Director of the Institute for Studies of Children at Birkbeck College, London, found that children who spend more than twenty hours a week away from their parents, in childcare, from an early age, are likely to be problem children, more aggressive and less well-behaved.
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In September 2005 the study - Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-Mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion and Cortisol Elevations - undertaken in Berlin by Professor Michael Lamb of Cambridge University and others, showed that toddlers starting at daycare nurseries experienced high levels of stress in the first weeks after separating from their mothers, and showed continuing mild stress for as long as five months. Their levels of the stress hormone cortisol doubled during the first nine days. More recent Australian research also found elevated cortisol levels in infants and children in childcare centres, even up to the age of six.
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A February 2006 review of data from the Canadian National Longitudinal Study of Children and Youth by the C.D Howe Institute compared outcomes for children in Quebec whose parents had use of subsidised childcare, with those of other children in Canada. A wide range of measures of child well-being were studied, from anxiety and hyperactivity to social and motor skills. For almost every measure, researchers found that the increased use of childcare was associated with a decrease in well-being. They emphasised that aggressive behaviour and fighting increased substantially. This finding was consistent with evidence from the US National Institute of Child Health and Development Early Childcare Research Network (NICHD) who found that, through the first 4.5 years of life, the amount of time a child spent away from his or her mother is a predicator of assertiveness, disobedience and aggression.
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In late 2006 an eminent group of British childcare experts raised serious concerns about the long-term effects of putting very young children into day nurseries. They called for an urgent national debate' on whether children under three should be cared for by anyone other than trusted and familiar figures in their lives. The group included Sir Richard Bowlby, the president of the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, whose paper.Bowlby laid out all available evidence about the best way to care for children, particularly in the crucial period between birth and the age of 30 months. He concluded that rather than funding daycare nurseries governments should make it easier for parents to use their childcare allowances to pay a grandmother or other relative to look after their
children, or to use it themselves as 'pay' to look after the child themselves.
 

If it works for your family for one parent to stay at home - great. It doesnt work for all families (for a number of different reasons).
I am a woman and I know I would not like to be a stay at home mother. I would prefer to work.
 

Well my mother is a nurse so not in a dead end 9-5 job, sometimes she worked nights sometimes she'd finish at 4 sometimes 6 sometimes 9, she would be off 3 days a week sometimes at weekends sometimes not. Don't know about you but I didnt go to be at 6pm!
 
Only you can decide whther or not to be a SAHM - however my mum was "forced" to be a SAHM by the state as she had to quit work when she got married. As a result of this she has been adamant in my sister and I being financially independant and always making sure we had our own money.

There was an article in one of the papers about Micheal Lynns wife who chose to leave nursing when she got married - so she could devote herself to married life

My mum cut out the article and made my sister and I read it - and again she stressed that no matter what happens in our lives make sure we always have our own money...
 
pinkyBear said:
Only you can decide whther or not to be a SAHM - however my mum was "forced" to be a SAHM by the state as she had to quit work when she got married.
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So was mine. She hated it.
As a result of her experiences I would never give up my financial independence.
 
I would agree truthseeker. My SILs have large families and husbands in brilliant jobs - the girls don't need to work and both do - albeit job sharing.

The way they see it is - great balance in life, they control their own pensions, and they still get quality time with the children...
 
Why the focus on SAHMs? What about SAHFs?

For what it's worth I am the sole earner, I have a 3 year old son, he is in creche and I find some of the comments on this thread from certain posters about what this might mean in terms of his overall welfare and development to range from asinine to outrageous.
 
Asinine and outrageous is too tame.
 
Bronte said:
Asinine and outrageous is too tame.
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Agreed. As I mentioned before we made the decision to have a SAHM but I would never dream of making some of the comments/accusations being made on here by some people. I only hope their children don't pick up the same disparaging attitude that their parents are portraying towards others on this thread!
 

Attitudes ARE passed along from parents to children. But they also pick up moral values from their peer group.

The sad thing on this thread is the black and white 'i am right and i am better than you' attitude. There is an intolerance running through some posts that astounds me. Its just narrow mindedness - I feel sorry for any children brought up in an environment where that kind of attitude prevails.
 
I'm amazed at what some people are posting about creche going children, I went to boarding school from the age of 10 - God only knows how that will be interpreted!
 
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