To work or not to work , baby due , what to do ! !

[NorthDrum]

Just curious as to people opinions on one partner working or not working (instead of getting child minder or creche etc).

After child minding comes into consideration (any figures would be helpful) what is left to actually spend!! Obviously this depends on what amount of income is being earned, just curious to hear of differant stories! Wasnt sure if this goes in careers or somewhere else as one partner is deciding whether or not a career is worthwhile!

 

[vandriver]

Our creche in central dublin charges about €980 for a child under one.We never really found this too much of a struggle to find.However,the second child ....

 

[Mpsox]

We made a decision 2 years ago that my wife would not go back to work after our first. It was made on financial as much as "parenting" grounds. We obviously saved on the cost of childcre, but also on commute costs to work, money my wife would have spent at work(lunch, dinners in the pub with her colleagues in the office etc). More importantly, we're all much calmer as no one is having to rush in the morning to get a smallie to a creche and rush in the evening to get back home to pick her up. If the smallie wants to get up at 7, she wakes at 7, if she wants to sleep til 9, she does that.

I accept from a fianancial perspective it may not be feasible for everyone, but it is worth considering to see if you can do it. There are templates for money makeovers on this site, perhaps you could fill one in and people could give more in=depth advice to you?

 

[Thrifty1]

Full time in a creche you are looking of around €900 - €1,000 a month depending on where you live.
A childminder will be around €700 - €800 a month, some will mind in your home, some in theirs.
You would also need to factor in costs such as second car,petrol,train fares etc.
It takes a lot of organisation when you are working full time getting everything ready so be prepared for stressful mornings.
Consider things like making dinners, i know it mad sound mad but since i decided to stay at home i started cooking meals from scratch and saved money rathen than buying frozen food and take aways.

On the otherhand are you the type of person to be happy staying at home all day, it can be very isolating and boring if im to be honest.
Im studying for exams and will be going back to work next year (baby almost 11 months now) so that saves my sanity i couldnt see myself doing this for the long term.
I think these factors need to be considered along with financial ones.
It may seem like a great idea but the novelty wears off.
But im glad i can be with her during these early days.
See how you feel in a couple of months or consider going back part time and you can get the best of both worlds.
Congrats BTW.

 

[annR]

I agree with Thrifty about the isolation of staying at home. I don't know what your neighbourhood is like but in many housing estates they are very quiet during the day as everyone is at work. Perhaps you could put the decision on ice. Your wife could have a taste of life at home during her maternity leave and afterwards she could talk to work about part time or just resign if that's what she wants.

 

[michaelm]

Just curious as to people opinions on one partner working or not working (instead of getting child minder or creche etc).

The best option for the children involved is to be cared for in the home by a parent (ideally their mother). I think that, where financially practical, families should revert to single-income and care for their own children. Children grow up very quickly and I suspect many who entrust their care to strangers, when not a financial necessity, may regret that choice down the road.

I agree with Thrifty about the isolation of staying at home. I don't know what your neighbourhood is like but in many housing estates they are very quiet during the day as everyone is at work.

There are 'mother and toddler' everywhere which are good for getting to know who lives around and about. Also, once your child goes to school you'll know everybody.

 

[alaskaonline]

i am a full time single mother (so unfortunately not as lucky as Mpsox wife who used to get her dinners in the pub ) and after creche and bills paid i have about € 400 (p.month!) left plus the € 160 child benefit for my daughter. believe it or not - we get by and we're not poor or anything is missing. we dont have a car, i dont smoke or drink.
if i would stay at home, relying on state benefits only - i wouldn't be able to survive, so i have no choice but to work!

in regards to the creches themselves - as many advantages there are staying full time home with your wee one - as many are with creches. my daughter wouldnt even look at other people when we were still home (on maternity leave), let alone play with other kids, communicate with others etc. since she is in creche - she is social, open minded and she is doing so many things, i wouldn't find the time to do with her, if i am home. apart from that any doctor will happily confirm that creche children are much healthier and more immune than the ones staying at home

once your child goes to school you'll know everybody

you wait 4 or 5 years to know everybody?

 

[shaking]

The point of the child been healthier going to creche surprises me; my niece is 2.5 and is minded at home by a child minder she has never had an antibiotic. One of my work colleagues's has their daughter in creche she's 15 months and has been on 3 lots of antibiotics as has my friend's child who's 2 and also in creche. Seems to me kids in creche are always coming down with something - just my opinion!

 

[alaskaonline]

she's 15 months and has been on 3 lots of antibiotics as has my friend's child who's 2 and also in creche.

this country is a very antibiotics friendly country serious, the amount of times i had to tell different doctors that antibiotics don't work with virus infections is unbelievable!
the 1st year in creche my daughter was constantly sick, too because of all the kids in one room - each with their own snoddy noses. however, this year (full 2008) my daughter hasn't even had a sneeze (thanks god!) and my health nurse had said/ confirmed to me that as soon as the 1st year in creche is over their immune system is so robust that it takes something very serious to knock them off their little feet while the kids that stay at home til they get to school are being knocked off their feet as soon as they share a classroom with 30 kids - i am speaking only on what i've been told (and what i see with my 7 year old godson who was home the first 5 years of his life....)

 

[michaelm]

if i would stay at home, relying on state benefits only - i wouldn't be able to survive, so i have no choice but to work!

The NorthDrum's, it would seem, unlike yourself, have the option; hence the question. Single parents have it tough.

in regards to the creches themselves - as many advantages there are staying full time home with your wee one - as many are with creches. . any doctor will happily confirm that creche children are much healthier and more immune than the ones staying at home

I don't think that's true.

my daughter wouldnt even look at other people when we were still home (on maternity leave), let alone play with other kids, communicate with others etc.

Eh, when you were on maternity leave was she not just a couple of weeks/months old .

since she is in creche - she is social, open minded and she is doing so many things, i wouldn't find the time to do with her, if i am home.

You have stated you have no option. Some who do have the option tell themselves that the child is better off in a crèche so they can feel a bit better about handing their kids off for the day.

 

[alaskaonline]

Eh, when you were on maternity leave was she not just a couple of weeks/months old .

if you count up maternity leave you will find that the time you can spend at home goes beyond "weeks" 9 months to be precise and if you're child sticks at you like glue when they're 9 months old, than i dont describe it as "very sociable".

you have stated you have no option.

i don't

so they can feel a bit better about handing their kids off for the day.

you're not serious are you? but then again you mentioned those who have the option and if i won the lotto tomorrow i surely re-consider my circumstances

 

[tara83]

As someone who's mother worked full time through most of their childhood, I never felt I missed out. I had the same child minder for 10years. In some ways, I would say the oppose. My mother was a happier person as she had interests outside the home. I have a more balanced view of her as a person and not just a mother who is there to run around after me. I wouldn't change the way I was brought up.

 

[Ceist Beag]

Agree with michaelm on this one. We had our first little un in a creche for about 8 months and she was catching a cold/flu at least once a month. Since then we have had her at home and she has never had a temperature since so alaskaonline I certainly don't believe your statement that children are healthier in a creche. We made the decision for my wife to stay at home once our second child came along and we couldn't be happier. Each to their own of course but personally I feel some parents aren't willing to sacrifice certain lifestyle choices to have a parent at home with the children and as michaelm pointed out I think they may regret the time lost out with their kids in later years.

 

[Thrifty1]

As regards the health issues of the creche my daughter started when she was 5 months and had never been sick, i cant even count the amount of times she has been sick since then.
Im not working now but still send her for 3 hours once a week and every time she comes home with a runny nose, i honestly dont know if that is going to strengthen her immune system but its never been so bad i have needed to take her to the GP.
Socially before she started she would cry if a stranger looked at her, after a week she was happily smiling and laughing when a stranger spoke to her.

In relation to whether a child is better off at home with its mother, i personally believe in the first year they are but unfortunately thats not an option for many people.
I dont just mean financially either, i may sound selfish but i went to college for 4 years have a good degree, am studying for exams at the moment and will hopefully start my training to become a solicitor soon.
I love my daughter and want the best for her but having a Mam who isnt happy to wave goodbye to her career before it even started and is unfulfilled at home is not best for her.
I want her to grow up knowing women can have a career i want to be a role model for her.

I think its very much an individual choice (taking out financial considerations) and women should not be made feel guilty for wanting to be more than a SAHM.

 

[Bronte]

It's my experience that creches are good for kids, they have strong immune systems and are better socialised. I'm glad mine have been through all the diseases/illness that comes with being in a group. For example mine had chicken pox at a young age, it's great it's over with etc. The ones that stay at home appear to be healthier because they are not as sick, it's just that they are not exposed to other kids to catch anything. It was different when we all came from large families and lived in the countryside. OP your wife should wait until into the maternity leave for a couple of months before making a decision. Staying at home is not for everyone and your views now may change when baby is born.

 

[Rigoletto]

The best option for the children involved is to be cared for in the home by a parent (ideally their mother). I think that, where financially practical, families should revert to single-income and care for their own children. Children grow up very quickly and I suspect many who entrust their care to strangers, when not a financial necessity, may regret that choice down the road.There are 'mother and toddler' everywhere which are good for getting to know who lives around and about. Also, once your child goes to school you'll know everybody.

I totally agree. my wife and I rear our children not the local creche.
if you can afford it, this is the best way to go. this isnt for everyone some women dont mind handing their children over to strangers every morning,

I agree with michaelm that many may regret doing this in the long run.
some mothers have to from economic necessity send their children to creche but it is out of necessity, i think its a bit much when people come on and start spouting rubbish about creches being "good for kids". i would suggest YOU the mother is good for kids (not jane bloggs in the local creche)

 

[Diziet]

some mothers have to from economic necessity send their children to creche but it is out of necessity, i think its a bit much when people come on and start spouting rubbish about creches being "good for kids". i would suggest YOU the mother is good for kids (not jane bloggs in the local creche)

And some mothers like their career and would be extremely grumpy if they sacrificed years and years of study and professional development in order to stay at home with their young kids all day every day. Funny how few men do this eh?

It is a choice, sometimes financial, sometimes not. My kids (one of which was in a creche when young, the other looked after by my husband almost full time) seem similarly well adjusted to be honest. The key is not to work stupid hours and to maintain a good home life whether working or not. And believe it or not, there are good arguments for using a creche.

Personally the idea of mother and toddler groups leaves me cold - I love my kids but don't really want to put up with everybody else's. I'd much rather be working

 

[truthseeker]

Ii think its a bit much when people come on and start spouting rubbish about creches being "good for kids". i would suggest YOU the mother is good for kids (not jane bloggs in the local creche)

Totally disagree with this statement, children who attend creche develop far better social and interaction skills than a child home alone with a mother. Its also not good for a woman to be stuck home with a child all the time either, many women develop low self esteem about rejoining the workforce at a later date.
I agree with the immune system comments also - although children not in creches dont pick up so many small colds and coughs, it all hits them when they start school as their immune system is weaker than those who didnt go to a creche.

 

[Rigoletto]

total generalisation. my wife didnt develop low self esteem, nor did my mother and my child is very well advanced socially thank you very much. he attends a multitude of classes (gymnastics etc) and plays (both in sport in the park and in the likes of playzone etc) with other children in our area or friends children.

just because my son isnt being reared by strangers in a creche does not mean he has a lower immune system than a child abandoned in a creche every day. do you think hes kept in the house like an infant recluse!!?

in relation to the careers, why bother having children if you cant wait to abandon them at some creche door to total strangers, because of your "career"

so called parents can extol the virtues of creche til they are blue in the face, it sounds like guilt to me. but heh whatever you have to do to console yourself. maybe your childs mammy in the creche can fill you in on what they did today.

 

[truthseeker]

total generalisation. my wife didnt develop low self esteem, nor did my mother and my child is very well advanced socially thank you very much. he attends a multitude of classes (gymnastics etc) and plays (both in sport in the park and in the likes of playzone etc) with other children in our area or friends children.

I did not say ALL women - I said many women.
Obviously if a child is exposed to social groups of one form or another (whether it be creche or play groups) they will be assisted in developing better social skills.

just because my son isnt being reared by strangers in a creche does not mean he has a lower immune system than a child abandoned in a creche every day. do you think hes kept in the house like an infant recluse!!?

No - and I did not infer this. The more exposure to the general population a child has the better immunity he or she will build up - that exposure may come earlier (in a creche environment) or later (in school).

in relation to the careers, why bother having children if you cant wait to abandon them at some creche door to total strangers, because of your "career"

It seems to me you believe that women are not entitled to have careers AND children - its one or the other. Thats quite a patronising and bigoted view of the role of women in modern society.

so called parents can extol the virtues of creche til they are blue in the face, it sounds like guilt to me. but heh whatever you have to do to console yourself. maybe your childs mammy in the creche can fill you in on what they did today.

Maybe it sounds like guilt to you because you dont seem to be able to see the bigger picture - that there are many advantages for children in a creche, and advantages for women who use a creche. In the world you seem to live in where women are only allowed be career driven and childless or stay at home mothers its hardly surprising that you 'hear' guilt where none exists.