Teenage drinking

Isnt some of it just removing the mystique around drink - if you banned jellybabies there'd soon be the cool kids who ate jellybabies just cos they werent allowed to.
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Well, you can't ( as far as I know) overdose and kill yourself with jellybeans! Alcohol poisoning is a very real threat to young stupid kids. As is a trip to the A & E because of an alcohol fuelled accident, fight or assault. As is the risk of underage or young pregnancies. I wish I knew the answer to it, as a parent myself I suppose I'll come up against it in a few years time and will have to make a decision then. I know I wasnt allowed to drink - and didnt until I was 21. My parents were very strict, something I now appreciate. They also trusted me, while restricting my movements! I.e. I was allowed out (after the age of 16 ) four times a year, I chose where and when, and from the time I could drive I was given the family car to go myself. They didnt wait up for me, as long as I told them how and with whom I was travelling- we lived in the country side. Once I was in college, I could go out as often as I wanted and when I wanted ( however funds restricted this in any case..).

I know my husband would be of the opinion that once a child reaches 16 that they should be allowed a glass of wine on special occasions- christmas etc, or if he went fishing he would give a bottle of beer ( small bottle).That sort of thing. I don't know if I agree. I would be more inclined to ban alcohol until the age of 18. Its a tough one.
 
The fundamental thing about teenagers, especially male teenagers, is that they are almost universally stupid. Idiots. No sense.

No matter how many 'mature discussions' parents kid themselves that they have had with their teens, their little darlings are almost certainly pulling the wool over their eyes. A close friend is a secondary teacher, who's seen it all before many many times. She's told me of countless examples of little Johnny coming into school of a Friday morning reeking of booze and hungover to the heavens, and yet has actually been told categorically by the parents when she brought them in out of genuine concern for the kid that he has never touched a drop and that 'my Johnny wouldn't drink without my knowledge, we have a completely open, trusting etc. relationship - he tells me everything' blah blah. Similarly other parents have told her that they're well up on all the ruses teens use and "they'd never get anything past me". Meanwhile, teen is having a fab time of it every weekend...

The only way to manage teens is to be strict - absolutely no drinking before 17 years, demand to smell breath when they come in EVERY time, NEVER allow them sleep over (the only reason teens 'sleep over' is because (A) the friends' parents are away or (B) as stated earlier, the friends' parents are of the permissive/drunk/oblivious type) without checking that friends' parents are there etc.

And, given what I said about teens being stupid, if caught, they'll do it again UNLESS you come down on them like a ton of bricks, meaning grounding, no pocket money, anything else to make their lives unbearable such as Playstation confiscation etc. All of the above for a considerable amount of time, not just a couple of days.

But what the hey, I'll be accused of being harsh. And my friend will still be accused of having it in for little Johnny, while he's puking his latest hangover up in the toilets!!
 
I agree that no one rule or example seems to work for everyone, my point was more about cautioning those people who think that letting kids drink at home is the answer, the responsible thing to do. I doubt it's any better than any other way. Some say worse, but again who knows. My Dad is a GP who's seen a lot of alcoholism in his time and he is adamant that drinking at home is a bad idea.

You could even argue that parents drinking even just a little at home strengthens the whole message that drinking is something adults do and that teenagers should aspire to. That message might make more of an impression than the example of drinking moderately.

Having said that, neither of my parents drink and as a teenager I just remember that going to the pub and drinking huge amounts was the way forward, as natural as leaving school or going to college or getting a job. I feel a bit sad when I look back and how much damage I probably did myself, all totally unnecessary, just driven by what everyone else was doing. That's a cultural thing - no matter what parents do it's hard for them to protect their kids from that. It's even more depressing to think of all the people making money from serving drunken teenagers, it stinks.
 
Gabriel said:
I'm sorry but this point, unfortunately, just doesn't hold any water with me. It's a logical way of thinking but it just doesn't add up.
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Fair enough - this is just based on my personal experience, I don't have kids but I have lots of nieces and nephews and I'd be basing my views on what I've seen happening with them and their friends.

For my own part, my dad was tee-total and really very anti-drink, my mum would drink wine with a meal out (but almost never at home). However, I think I was the exception in our family for not drinking until I was well past 18 - I'd taken the pledge and was a pioneer in school and wouldn't have dreamed of breaking this. My siblings on the other hand have all had periods where lots of binge drinking (and smoking, come to think of it, although we had a very strict non-smoking house too) is the norm. For the most part this type of drinking only lasted for a few years during teenage years/early twenties. I'd say it's no more than proof that being too strict doesn't work either - if you are then as soon as they can, people who have been restricted from doing something will go mad trying to do it as often and as much as possible. As with all types of parenting questions though I think the personalities of all involved can make a huge difference and there will never be a "right" answer to the question.
 
I think a point coming through is that no "1 size fits all", no perfect parenting strategy.

Maybe its an overall commonsense thing, teenagers have a deficit, how much of a deficit you have to judge and then act accordingly.

The money flowing around now seems to be significant factor. As someone said below, the lack of money curtailed college boozing. Now its part time jobs & money for drink.

Lastly, I dont think people should feel too bad about what they did as teenagers - ok we probably all would have done a few things differently, particularly on some given nights. Its, unfortunately, part of the learning experience.

Maybe parents passing on their experiences would reduce the need to find out everything for yourself. The control mechanism is fair enough, but unless the reasons behind it are understood and appreciated then when the shackles come off (college) the potential for 'making up for lost time' is obvious - will commonsense have kicked in in time??
 
I don't think being extremely strict is a good idea. I know that when I went to college I knew my limitations (even if I did go overboard the odd time) but one of my best friends came from a very strict family and didn't touch alcohol until she moved away from home. I spent most nights out holding her hair back, forcing her to drink water, waking her up in lectures the next day etc etc - she just hadn't a clue how to hold her drink and just went mental!
 
Sherman said:
The fundamental thing about teenagers, especially male teenagers, is that they are almost universally stupid. Idiots. No sense.
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Well if I'm a stupid idiot, you sir are unbearably ignorant. I am 16 years old, and male. I don't drink, neither do my 3/4 best friends. Don't EVER generalise. It's incredibly ignorant and reflects very badly on yourself. I don't deny that the majority (60% or so) of my peers drink on a fairly regular basis, but I assure you that the incidence of teen drinking is just as prevelent with girls as lads.

What you have said is the same as saying; because many Americans are overweight and arrogant - therefore All Americans are overweight and arrogant . This is of course WRONG! Please cop on to yourself!
 
CGorman said:
Well if i'm a stupid idiot, you sir are unbearably ignorant. I am 16 years old, and male. I don't drink, neither do my 3/4 best friends. Don't EVER generalise. It's incredibly ignorant and reflects very badly on yourself. I don't deny that the majority (60% or so) of my peers drink on a fairly regular basis, but I assure you that the incidence of teen drinking is just as prevelent with girls as lads.

What you have said is the same as saying; because many Americans are overweight and arrogant - therefore All Americans are overweight and arrogant . This is of course WRONG! Please cop on to yourself!
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Yeah Sherman, just cos a friend of yours is having a problem with 'little Johnny' (maybe he can't hold his drink cos he's so small???), doesn't mean that it's as widespread or endemic to teenage males as you make out.

Are you, in fact, a parent, Sherman? Have you raised any teenage boys? Can you offer any support to your touted 'ton of bricks' approach actually working? If you are a parent, can you be 100% certain that any of your kids have never been drunk?
 
i wont say i actively encourage the terrible two to drink at home but I dont discourage them having a drink before going out. usually with their friends. I have never seen either of them drunk ( not saying they havn't been drunk) they both say that if you have a drink at home and then go to a niteclub you are more inclined to spend the night dancing rather than drinking. when they were young we had a 'sweet' drawer into which each week we put sweets. this drawer was freely available and open at all times. we found that as they got older they went less and less to this drawer ( To be fair never really binged at it anyway). Last week we opened a tin of quality street which law unopened in the house since last Christmas. Non of them bothered to even open it. I have any amount of drink in the house, beer, whiskey, gin etc and neither of them or their friends touch it. even when the come back in late with friends. I dont have any answers here just how it works for us.
 
Most sincere apologies to you CGorman *slaps wrist*. Never intended to insult you or your peers who don't indulge in serial idiocy. In attempting to make a point I used the old sledgehammer to crack a nut. As so eloquently pointed out by you, perhaps I should have referred to the majority (60%?) of teens who by drinking so much so young seem to be lacking in basic cop on/self preservation skills. However, as you rightly point out, this does not apply to all teens (although in my post I did use the qualifier 'almost'). And no, CCOVICH, of course I don't have children of my own - if I did, how would I have such definitive, clear-cut views on all things parenting :D.
 
As I said before, both my parents are anti-alcohol especially my dad. I did go a bit mad when I was younger, but I've actually come around to their way of thinking now. Shocking ;) Dad just insists that looking into a pub it seems like the most boring thing on earth, all these people forcing down over-priced liquid to make the other people seem more interesting. It just baffles him why people poison themselves.
I think it's since I gave up smoking last year that my eyes have been opened a bit. My views aren't anywhere as extreme as dads. I'm just not really that bothered drinking anymore, I don't have time for 2 day hangovers and I just don't have the money for going out every weekend.
Interestingly Gerry Ryan was talking the other day about teenagers suddenly realising that their parents aren't really super human. He said it usually happens after seeing their parents drunk or hungover, would you agree with that? Because he might have a point.
 
as Mark Twain said (sort of)
when I was 8 I thought my father knew everything
when I was 18 I thought he knew nothing
now that I'm 28 I'm beginning to see he had a point
 
Gordanus said:
as Mark Twain said (sort of)
when I was 8 I thought my father knew everything
when I was 18 I thought he knew nothing
now that I'm 28 I'm beginning to see he had a point
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Might I add to that Oscar Wilde's view - "I'm not young enough to know everything"
 
Just a note to say thanks to everyone who posted - I still haven't decided exactly what to do yet... but its definately helpful hearing all the different views.
 
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