Teachers - End of Term Gift?

[Carpenter]

I'm amazed at this practice also; my sister is a primary school teacher and I must ask her if she has come across this at her school. It seems highly inappropriate and it's not something I'd allow myself be badgered into doing.

 

[ClubMan]

BTW Clubman if the whip around was presented as something that you are expected to contribute to and this is repeated then that is a bullying tactic. It may not be deliberate or intended or even in the consciousness of the organiser but it is a bullying tactic. And not identifying the sources of bullying is in part how bullying occurs. The OP’s friend was subjected to a bullying tactic but as you correctly say she was not actually bullied.

Sorry - I personally still think it's a gross exaggeration to call this bullying.

 

[Margie]

Well that doesn't surprise me one bit. I sometimes think the way you pull other peoples posts apart can be quite intimidating.

 

[CrazyWater]

Sorry - I personally still think it's a gross exaggeration to call this bullying.

Clubman, I did not call this bullying but it is bullying behaviour and to quote from the Anti-Bullying Centre:

"By not challenging bullying behaviour valuable opportunities are lost in shaping society’s needs for respect for each person’s dignity." [broken link removed]

CW

 

[Haille]

Like Crazy Water I am an ex primary school teacher and spouse of a current infant teacher.Is there a parents association in this school ? Is this parent a secretary or chairperson of same body,or is this parent self appointed spokesperson? This scenario only happens if teacher is retiring or getting married. Is the principal,teaching staff aware of this practice. I am sure if they were it would be outlawed immediately. If a parent wants to offer a token gesture individually seems ok .Seems like a topic that could be discussed at parents association meeting in conjunction with discussion with Principal as depending on school size it could be an issue throughout school. Nobody should be intimidated in this way by asking to contribute and I am sure class teacher would be mortified if aware this was going on .
Having said all that my wife does come home some Christmasses with an expensive bottle of wine given by a particular parent ,I find it hard to refuse such generosity. Perhaps this Friday she will come home with a bottle of Ballygowan. The nearest memory of this kind of thing from my own secondary school days way back in the 1970's . Our French teacher a very formidable woman [you did nt argue with this woman] put her home address on the blackboard so that all her students could send her a Christmas card. Unfortunately we did nt have AAM back in those days so we had to forgo the cost of card and stamp [no money expected in card]

 

[TreeTiger]

I suppose my issue lies more with her being asked via a letter passed out to the students and if this is normal nowadays in primary schools.

I work regularly in a primary school and I can tell you it's most definitely not the norm, and any teacher who was the target of such enforced generosity by a militant parent would be mortified.

Gifts at Christmas are extremely commonplace and I have seen teachers leaving with a black plastic binbag full of goodies. Sometimes the goodies have been in the form of a drawing done by a child with a little poem or message, and these have been treasured at least as much as an expensive bottle of wine or whatever.

Why on earth was the teacher handing out a letter that was presumably not from the school authorities? This is totally out of order in my opinion (based on the details posted so far)!

If the parent organising the collection was a member of the parents association the teacher probably wouldn't ask any questions if handed a letter to pass out to the children. Or if the letters were left in with the school office to be handed out it could happen. But from what I know of teachers they would not be a bit happy about this form of present extraction.

 

[ClubMan]

If the parent organising the collection was a member of the parents association the teacher probably wouldn't ask any questions if handed a letter to pass out to the children.

True - but I would consider this an abuse of the position.

 

[MrMan]

Sorry - I personally still think it's a gross exaggeration to call this bullying.

I would agree here, as it will only be seen as bullying to me if after she has said no, she gets hassled in some way or form. I think we can all jump to conclusions too quickly. My image of the lady collecting the money is of someone who would also want her child to be the one to hand over the gift. Its all about show and a little crass, and like most have said I think the teacher will be more than a little mortified.

 

[ClubMan]

Clubman, I did not call this bullying but it is bullying behaviour

Sorry - I still disagree unless there was more to it than her being asked (perhaps more than once) to contribute. If some people consider or classify that sort of thing to be "bullying" then I believe that they are hypersensitive.

and to quote from the Anti-Bullying Centre:

"By not challenging bullying behaviour valuable opportunities are lost in shaping society’s needs for respect for each person’s dignity." [broken link removed]
CW

Fair enough in itself but who says that this crowd are the authority on this matter? Surely common sense also has a part to play?

 

[TreeTiger]

True - but I would consider this an abuse of the position.

Absolutely, and I think any teacher would agree with you. I was just putting forward a way that it could have happened that a teacher handed out these letters.

 

[DeeFox]

Thanks for all contributions so far. In an earlier post I did liken my sister being asked for money (more than once) as bullying and perhaps this was wrong and misleading of me as it has confused the central issue. I know that the person who is trying to collect the money is doing it with the best of intentions. The core issue is whether or not is has become accepted (or indeed expected!) practice to give cash gifts (or a tip to use its more common description) to teachers.

 

[brid1977]

I agree with above posters that this is completely inappropriate and your sister should stick to her guns. I was in BT last june browsing at a very expensive perfume counter - a woman was there with her son (aged around 8 or 9) picking out a present that she told the girl on counter was for his teacher. They bought a 100 euro bottle of perfume - crazy and I'm sure the mother would have been advertising to other parents what her child gave teacher. My sister is a primary school teacher and last year she got small presents (< 5 euro value) from many of the children or some of the children gave a homemade card.

 

[miselemeas]

Do parents give teachers a token of some sort at the end of term? My sister is a parent and another parent in the class asked that they each give at least €15 towards a cash gift for the teacher (amounting to approx. €400).Inappropriate surely?

On a lighter note, thought I'd share this one. A friend, who is a primary teacher in her first job, was surprised to receive a very large parcel from a student. On opening it she discovered a new coat inside! She immediately went to the teacher who had taught the child the previous year, to be told "don't worry about it, I got a dress last year." Apparently the child's mother works in the rag trade and always gave similar gifts.

 

[A_b]

Maybe I'm just mean, but unless a particular teacher had done something that went above and beyond the call of duty or was particularly liked by my child (don't have any yet), I wouldn't get them a gift at all. Their 3 weeks paid holidays should nearly suffice. Don't junior kids generally start making cards etc around this time of year and I would presume that they give some to their teachers, that should be enough.

Thats a bit harsh really. Technically, they do not get paid for holidays. They just get their wages spread out througout the year rather than getting it paid altogether when working. Same thing happens for every job. I know plenty of teachers and they all have bought little gifts for the children in their class and made the last day before the holidays really special by buying games, party hats, crackers and sweets etc for them. Teachers spend a fortune on their class and are not reimbursed for most of it so surely a small box of chocolates is not a huge expense. Generally parents who do not wish/cannot afford to give a gift don't and it is not expected.

I don't know of any teacher who would accept a cash gift like the original poster mentioned