Single mother needs to clear loans

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TIme to change the filter on your lens @Purple
What do you disagree with?
Are parents not responsible for their children?
Should they not provide good meals and a clean home before they watch TV?
Should they not live within their means when those means are considerable?

I used to say that if you can read and tell the time then you can cook but with YouTube you don't even have to be able to read anymore.
 
Stress of doing the job of 3 people. OP is Mother, Father, and corporate worker all at once. Time poverty leads to badly thought out spending. The alternative might be to crack up. Some great practical financial advice given in all these posts. But it's a case of 'walk a day in my shoes'. OP is under huge pressure and self care (what ever that looks like for her) should also be prioritised. If the wheels come off her mental health, then all bets are off.
I would be ruthlessly pursuing the Dad for a contribution. That's the obvious gap here. Mind yourself OP and enjoy your kids and your life as best you can. You'll get this situation sorted out in no time at all.

The OP came on for financial advice. All parents are under pressure. That doesn't give them an excuse to spend money they are not earning. Especially when they are on a great salary.

Your strategy of pursuing Dad is going to cost a lot of money and the OP does not have that. She should have kept the money and let him pursue her for it, but frankly it's highly unlikely he would dare since he's paying nada for his kids.

If he's earning minimum wage, just about paying rent/food/utilities how much is a court going to order him to pay. Given the salary of the OP. She might be told to downsize and sort out her debt problems that way. She has 355K equity in her home and that means she could buy something with no mortgage.
 
So you are spending 6.5k a month?

And planning a holiday that will cost 2.4k?

You can't afford it.
It's probably over-budgeting for going away but we are not looking at an all in sun holiday here. All my family live abroad and I have a sick family member so I'm allocating some for visiting family over the year (that's the only holiday) and unexpected trips if they come up. It could be the last one with everyone so not keen on cutting myself short here.
 
Lots of good advice. I'm getting the feeling rightly or wrongly that while the op would like to cut spending there is a reluctance to really let go of the excessive spending.

I think you earn a great salary.

As someone said, it's a cash flow problem, not a huge debt problem. Increase/redirect the cash flow, reduce the debt.

I can't quite get my head around why you would cut your child's swimming lessons (an essential life skill in my opinion) and not the Coffee or meals out. I understand you need something for yourself but with the amount you are spending on groceries alone, could you not invite friends around for a casual dinner instead of eating out?

There would appear to be so many ways to cut your spending, you just need to bite the bullet and do it.

Best of luck. It's a short term pain for a long term gain.
Thank you. You're right there's some reluctance there and I will cut some of that for sure.
I guess the reluctance is partly because I also work from home so I do need a change of scenery once in a while. I literally spend my time running from work to kids and back to work spending 90% of the time at home.
Agreed re swimming but I have no choice as it's adding up to 180 per month and I just can't afford it at the moment. We'll resume maybe in a group set-up now he has basic skills and is a bit older.
 
I also work from home so I do need a change of scenery once in a while.
That should save you money; you definitely don't need take away coffees, you can get washing done, fit in housework and cooking around work etc.
If you need a change of scenery go for a walk. I'm not being flippant, parks, beaches, forests etc are all free. Meet your friends for a walk instead of a coffee/lunch.
I also find cooking very relaxing. I can feed a family of 4, (me, two adult children and a teenager), for €50 a week.
 
Court will order child maintenance based on both parents income and outgoings.

Max in District Court, last time I checked, is €150 per week per child.
OP said ex is on a low salary, and said he said he has no money. So given she's on 5K a month I'd say the chances of maintenance are slim to none. Or a miserly amount. Which won't be worth the time it takes and the anger it will cause.
 
Stress of doing the job of 3 people. OP is Mother, Father, and corporate worker all at once. Time poverty leads to badly thought out spending. The alternative might be to crack up. Some great practical financial advice given in all these posts. But it's a case of 'walk a day in my shoes'. OP is under huge pressure and self care (what ever that looks like for her) should also be prioritised. If the wheels come off her mental health, then all bets are off.
I would be ruthlessly pursuing the Dad for a contribution. That's the obvious gap here. Mind yourself OP and enjoy your kids and your life as best you can. You'll get this situation sorted out in no time at all.
I agree. It must be hard to be all things at once and she is to be applauded. But she has asked for help. And I do agree, this situation can be sorted out quickly enough but only if action is taken on the spending. Its not going to happen by itself. Taking control will also lead to an enhanced feeling of well being. Feeling out of control and overwhelmed is a killer. I also agree that the Dad should be making his contribution, it's ridiculous that he feels he can walk away from his little ones. But if by the time he does contribute, the OP has her spending under control, Dads contribution can go solely on the children's needs and not repaying loans. I'd say the op would love to be in that position.
 
I suggest you consider taking a wider view - whilst our experiences shape us to a degree, we have the capacity to see beyond those experiences and not be defined by them.
I agree completely. I do take a wider view. Within that wide view I still think that people on good incomes should live within their means. I still think that people have a responsibility to provide for their children and if they can't then they are failing as parents. If they need support from their neighbours through their neighbours taxes then they should strive to ensure that such help is temporary. That's their responsibility as a citizen, as an adult and as a parent. If they think it's okay to live off their neighbours permanently then they are failing as a citizen, as an adult and particularly as a parent. That's particularly the case if you have a very good income.
 
I think again on a broader scale we have to appreciate that the OP is a single parent working a pretty much full time job (while it not might be the intention, parental leave usually means you are full on performing for the 4 days and achieve a full time workload without any of the small respites that you can fit into a 5 day week). And that leaves little energy/time for doing some of the things that seem obvious - like meal prep and cleaning. So that means increase in costs for food and requirement to have help with cleaning. There is a trade off, they can work less to do those things and have less income. And run the risk of falling behind in career, losing out on % of pension contributions etc.

I applaud the OP for doing all that they do and for having the where with all to come on here and ask for advice (of which they have gotten plenty of and very high quality too).
So far the OP has been pretty reluctant to actually take any of our advise though.

What we got was:

- money is spent only on necessities
- no to stopping pension
- no to stopping coffee, and she's at home full time !
- no to stopping kids classes, the swimming alone is costing €2160 annually. For a 6 year old to swim.
- depressed on losing 'play money'
- looking forward to redundancy
- no to getting in a lodger, with some vague movie option
- no to working 5th day
- needs cleaner for sanity
- no to actually looking at gas bill
- no to cancelling holiday

And tells us she's frugal. She came on for advice. Many of us on here have given her super advice, initially I hadn't realised how much she was overspending. There are loads of room for cuts, and room for extra income, but none have actually been taken seriously as far as I can see. which is pretty disappointing. And now we are to pussy foot around her on a money advice website.

Like Purple I'd literally feed the kids nutritious meals by actually being frugal, and cut out everything and within a year of hell she's be back on her feet. And like Purple, many of us when we had no money did not go out, wouldn't dream of a coffee out ever and did everything to pay off our debts.

Can you imagine her situation in one year if she took in a lodger, did the necessary cuts what a load would be off her, and she'd be well able to afford swimming lessons, holidays and a housekeeper.
 
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