In your position you have good grounds to claim that you have already been living separately in the family home for 4 years so you should go straight for divorce proceedings. Divorce is the only way to deal with pension adjustment orders which you will need so skip judicial separation. Sounds unlikely that mediation will work in your case so just appoint a solictor to get the ball rolling. Each of you will have to prepare Affadavits of Means and of Welfare. Then the horse trading begins between the solicitors and hopefully after a couple of months you have agreed consent terms that you can present in front of the judge. Your solicitor will advise of current filling times but when I filed for divorce we had a court date within 4 months.Hi,
I’ve decided that it time to call it time on a 20 year abusive marriage. We are incompatible and despite my repeated attempts there has been no affection for over 5 years.
The only thing we share in common is our 4 children. The youngest is 15, twins at 18 and a 22 year old son.
We have a complex situation of rental properties with mortgages and a sizeable mortgage on the family home. There’s enough equity to afford 2 x 500k homes but she will want to stay in the family home and put me in a dog box.
We’ve been sleeping separately since 2020 and keep seperate bank accounts. I think this is grounds to prove we have been separated.
My wife wants to hold off until the youngest is 18. She secretly took legal advice a decade ago and I feel her plan all along has been to string me along and seek a divorce when she wants, giving her more access to my pension, savings etc.
She earns a third of what I earn, it’s blatantly obvious I’m merely ticket to enable her lifestyle and keep up appearances.
If I get out now it will give me another 20 years of earnings and pension contributions she won’t have a lien on. Obviously I’m saddened by the impact this will have on our children but I can’t live like this anymore.
What’s the first step here, what’s the process and time to get a separation, can anyone suggest (PM me) a good solicitor in central Dublin?
Thanks……
Suggest you get your financial affairs in order, if you know what I mean before progressing and ensure that your other half declares all of their assets which doesn't always happen from experience.Hi,
I’ve decided that it time to call it time on a 20 year abusive marriage. We are incompatible and despite my repeated attempts there has been no affection for over 5 years.
The only thing we share in common is our 4 children. The youngest is 15, twins at 18 and a 22 year old son.
We have a complex situation of rental properties with mortgages and a sizeable mortgage on the family home. There’s enough equity to afford 2 x 500k homes but she will want to stay in the family home and put me in a dog box.
We’ve been sleeping separately since 2020 and keep seperate bank accounts. I think this is grounds to prove we have been separated.
My wife wants to hold off until the youngest is 18. She secretly took legal advice a decade ago and I feel her plan all along has been to string me along and seek a divorce when she wants, giving her more access to my pension, savings etc.
She earns a third of what I earn, it’s blatantly obvious I’m merely ticket to enable her lifestyle and keep up appearances.
If I get out now it will give me another 20 years of earnings and pension contributions she won’t have a lien on. Obviously I’m saddened by the impact this will have on our children but I can’t live like this anymore.
What’s the first step here, what’s the process and time to get a separation, can anyone suggest (PM me) a good solicitor in central Dublin?
Thanks……
Consult with a solicitor, see if mediation might be an option, as others have said you may be able to proceed directly to divorce rather than going for separation first, if mediation doesn't work then try to thrash an agreement on all relevant matters out between yourselves and your legal teams, ideally try to avoid leaving it to a court/judge to decide any/all matters (which they generally don't want to do anyway), try to maintain good relations with your ex (often easier said than done) and children. It may take some time (several years) to get everything sorted but the more than can be agreed between yourselves and the sooner than this can be done then the better the chances of expediting matters.What’s the first step here, what’s the process and time to get a separation
can anyone suggest (PM me) a good solicitor in central Dublin?
That would likely be the starting point if the assets were largely accumulated over the lifetime of the 20 year marriage but not necessarily if different circumstances applied.On the division of assets (all propery, pension funds, savings & investments) I would suggest that a clean 50%/50% is the likely outcome.
+1.The welfare of the children is paramount in the courts eyes.
If its court ordered it must be sold.How truly likely is it that a house will be sold once the youngest is 23?
Most married couples in Ireland start out with similar assets, i.e. both earning and saving for a deposit for a house but of course there are those who do come with a strong imbalance of assets prior to marriage.That would likely be the starting point if the assets were largely accumulated over the lifetime of the 20 year marriage but not necessarily if different circumstances applied.
I see a lot of posts asserting that 50:50 is the starting point or the default but that's not always the case. It certainly wasn't in mine.
+1.
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