Separating PPR and Maintenance

Gordon Gekko said:
You want to turf your ex-wife and four children out of the family home and into the rental/HAP world?

Sounds disgusting to me.
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luckystar said:
Ah lads, I think you’re being terribly unfair on the poster. Surely chucking his children out of the only home they have known and expecting the state to bear the cost of their housing and recuse himself of all responsibility in this regard is the best thing to do?!

Then he can buy his own home and watch his children languish and possibly end up in homeless accommodation!!

I’m actually dumbfounded - surely you want what is best for your children and that is clearly to remain in the family home

And I doubt that your wife is significantly better off than you….
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Those are appalling replies.

It is usually in the best interest of the children that they continue to have a good relationship with both parents. That includes, if possible, both parents providing a home for the children. That means the children spending time with both parents. That requires both parents having somewhere to live and both parents being able to take the children overnight.

There is nothing disgusting about a father wanting to have that meaningful relationship with his children and asking for advice on how to get that outcome. We have no idea what his personal circumstances are, what led to the separation and what the relationship is between the two parents and their children and it's not relevant to the OP's question but assuming that the mother is the best parent to look after the children and assuming that it is in their best interest to remain with her is sexist, maybe even disgusting.
 
Purple said:
Those are appalling replies.

It is usually in the best interest of the children that they continue to have a good relationship with both parents. That includes, if possible, both parents providing a home for the children. That means the children spending time with both parents. That requires both parents having somewhere to live and both parents being able to take the children overnight.

There is nothing disgusting about a father wanting to have that meaningful relationship with his children and asking for advice on how to get that outcome. We have no idea what his personal circumstances are, what led to the separation and what the relationship is between the two parents and their children and it's not relevant to the OP's question but assuming that the mother is the best parent to look after the children and assuming that it is in their best interest to remain with her is sexist, maybe even disgusting.
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I appreciate the reply . I accept that how I framed the question puts me in a poor light but a myriad of issues is attached which are obviously personal. But as you point out my objective is to provide a house where I can stay with my kids which is currently not feasible
 
Purple said:
Those are appalling replies.

It is usually in the best interest of the children that they continue to have a good relationship with both parents. That includes, if possible, both parents providing a home for the children. That means the children spending time with both parents. That requires both parents having somewhere to live and both parents being able to take the children overnight.

There is nothing disgusting about a father wanting to have that meaningful relationship with his children and asking for advice on how to get that outcome. We have no idea what his personal circumstances are, what led to the separation and what the relationship is between the two parents and their children and it's not relevant to the OP's question but assuming that the mother is the best parent to look after the children and assuming that it is in their best interest to remain with her is sexist, maybe even disgusting.
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Totally agree with this. In a joint custody case children will need two homes that they will go between. Going to the father's parent's house every second week or however it's arranged will not help their wellbeing at all. Divorce is stressful enough for children and all involved.

Why is it always the man who has to leave the family home?

Could your ex buy you out and enable you to buy another home OP? Or sell the home if it's large and but two smaller homes?

Nothing about this is easy. I hope you find the best solution for your children.
 
Moon Unit said:
Totally agree with this. In a joint custody case children will need two homes that they will go between. Going to the father's parent's house every second week or however it's arranged will not help their wellbeing at all. Divorce is stressful enough for children and all involved.

Why is it always the man who has to leave the family home?

Could your ex buy you out and enable you to buy another home OP? Or sell the home if it's large and but two smaller homes?

Nothing about this is easy. I hope you find the best solution for your children
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The ex spouse only works part time so no opportunity to buy me out . Not enough equity to purchase 2 homes and as 4 kinds a 3 bed is really the minimum requirement
 
Introuble83 said:
The ex spouse only works part time so no opportunity to buy me out . Not enough equity to purchase 2 homes and as 4 kinds a 3 bed is really the minimum requirement
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It's an extremely difficult situation.
When I separated I ended up in a smaller rented house with 2 of my 3 dependant children (and the third, youngest one, half the time) while my Ex remained in the large family home with one child half the time.
The most important thing you can do is provide a stable calm loving environment for your children to the best of your ability and means. That's what they need most. The fact that my children chose to live with me in a small dilapidated house with cold, mould and frequent rat incursions instead of a large modern quite luxurious detached house with their mother is testament to that.
 
Moon Unit said:
Totally agree with this. In a joint custody case children will need two homes that they will go between. Going to the father's parent's house every second week or however it's arranged will not help their wellbeing at all. Divorce is stressful enough for children and all involved.

Why is it always the man who has to leave the family home?

Could your ex buy you out and enable you to buy another home OP? Or sell the home if it's large and but two smaller homes?

Nothing about this is easy. I hope you find the best solution for your children.
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The OP didn’t mention needing a property to house his children when with him until a subsequent post.

Totally agree - ideally if both parents can’t remain under the same roof while separated then possibly a seomra or a small studio flat nearby and BOTH parents move out when the other parent is providing the care. Therefore the kids are always in a stable environment while being cared for (hopefully equally) by both parents

Absolutely, shouldn’t be automatically assumed that the mother remain but someone has to care for the kids.

There is no obvious answer. Going to take a while to figure out a solution but depending on the state filling the void is not the way forward
 
luckystar said:
The OP didn’t mention needing a property to house his children when with him until a subsequent post.
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He mentioned that he was living with his parents and that such an arrangement wasn't viable longer term. It should be a given that parents want to be with their children, both parents. If it was the mother posting such a question such a clarification wouldn't be necessary and it is only necessary for those who read the first post though a sexist stereotypical prism.
 
Purple said:
He mentioned that he was living with his parents and that such an arrangement wasn't viable longer term. It should be a given that parents want to be with their children, both parents. If it was the mother posting such a question such a clarification wouldn't be necessary and it is only necessary for those who read the first post though a sexist stereotypical prism.
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Seriously? A ‘sexist stereotypical prism’?

This is an extract from the original post:

“I purchased the property pre marriage and has circa 100k equity. Without the sale I cannot afford to buy or rent . She will obtain full HAP benefits in addition to whatever maintenance she is awarded plus existing state benefits”

To me this clearly reads that the state can house her and the children.

Anyway, none of this matters. What does matter is that the children are provided for and cared for by BOTH parents. End of
 
luckystar said:
Seriously? A ‘sexist stereotypical prism’?

This is an extract from the original post:

“I purchased the property pre marriage and has circa 100k equity. Without the sale I cannot afford to buy or rent . She will obtain full HAP benefits in addition to whatever maintenance she is awarded plus existing state benefits”

To me this clearly reads that the state can house her and the children.
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I don't know how you'd draw that conclusion from what you've quoted.
luckystar said:
Anyway, none of this matters. What does matter is that the children are provided for and cared for by BOTH parents. End of
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Exactly, which is what I got from what you quoted, based on his concern that he couldn't buy or rent.
 
Purple said:
I don't know how you'd draw that conclusion from what you've quoted.

Exactly, which is what I got from what you quoted, based on his concern that he couldn't buy or rent.
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Maybe it’s the “I” rather than we ‍♀️ or at least the lack of inclusion of his children in a future home.
The poster has subsequently clarified this to include the children.
 
Op, this is just me thinking out of the box and I could be completely wrong- but seen as you are paying the mortgage, could you move back in, apply for PP to build a self contained cabin type building in the garden (assuming you have a garden and space), move into that, then you can see the kids and have them stay with you all the while paying your mortgage to keep your kids, yourself and your wife with a roof over your head.
 
Thanks for the replies folks . Ultimately the most likely outcome is that spouse and children will stay in the fsmily home . I’ll pay the full mortgage and X maintenance. The best I can hold for is that X allows me to still live and try save for a deposit for the future . So in effect my current arrangements will stay as they are for years which is obviously a difficult position and one that has been forced upon me .
 
tom1ie said:
Op, this is just me thinking out of the box and I could be completely wrong- but seen as you are paying the mortgage, could you move back in, apply for PP to build a self contained cabin type building in the garden (assuming you have a garden and space), move into that, then you can see the kids and have them stay with you all the while paying your mortgage to keep your kids, yourself and your wife with a roof over your head.
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In theory this would work , however , in practice our relationship is toxic and neither of us are at our best around each other . Notwithstanding how could you ever move forward in new relationships living out the back garden of your ex wife . Also noting she has a new partner who could easily move into the house all whilst I’m still paying the full mortgage. Not a nice sight to wake up too every morning is it
 
Introuble83 said:
In theory this would work , however , in practice our relationship is toxic and neither of us are at our best around each other . Notwithstanding how could you ever move forward in new relationships living out the back garden of your ex wife . Also noting she has a new partner who could easily move into the house all whilst I’m still paying the full mortgage. Not a nice sight to wake up too every morning is it
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Could she move in with her partner and you back into the house? Or at least be in the house when you have the children and vice versa. Could it work? Puts a new angle on things when there’s a third party involved.

If new partner did move in then I would assume he would contribute…. Is your separated wife able to work fulltime?
 
luckystar said:
Could she move in with her partner and you back into the house? Or at least be in the house when you have the children and vice versa. Could it work? Puts a new angle on things when there’s a third party involved.

If new partner did move in then I would assume he would contribute…. Is your separated wife able to work fulltime?
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She could work full time but chooses not too. In respect of the 3rd party I don’t anticipate she could move in for the foreseeable. A lot of moving parts whisk I expect the court will have to rule on given she had declined a separation agreement
 
Introuble83 said:
In theory this would work , however , in practice our relationship is toxic and neither of us are at our best around each other . Notwithstanding how could you ever move forward in new relationships living out the back garden of your ex wife . Also noting she has a new partner who could easily move into the house all whilst I’m still paying the full mortgage. Not a nice sight to wake up too every morning is it
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I totally understand what you mean but you would also get to see the kids whenever you want as they can come to you quite easily, and save money by not paying rent on top of the mortgage payments?
Certainly not a great arrangement but maybe better than living in your parents, not seeing the kids and paying for a house you’re not allowed live in?
 
If I am to continue paying the mortgage (1k) would anyone have a reasonable estimate as to what child maintenance I would expect to pay for the 4 kids . My take home salary is 3300.
 
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