Refusing to socialise with colleagues

W200 said:
So I presume that you told this team member that you thought his comments sound "dismissive and a bit of a posture" before running behind his back to post on a public forum.
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I must have missed the post where Liaconn posted the name of their team member, or their own name, or where they work, or what they work at or even the tiniest sliver of information that could possibly identify who they were talking about.
 

But why not? Do you not think that once a year, in the spirit of friendship and goodwill, its nice to socialise with the people you've been working with all year?
 

Whatever about Xmas parties and nights out, if you are avoiding team building exercises, management should be having a word with you about your attitude. I personally don't have any time for forced team building exercises but I would never refuse to partake in one if my colleagues had to do it. To me that just makes it look like you think you are better than everyone else.
 
Maybe the person in question has had a bad experience in the past or just doesn't have good social skills and feels awkward at such events?

A friend of mine, who just started a new job recently and is still getting used to the new workplace, colleagues, etc., went to the work Xmas party last week and was told by a senior work colleague, who up until then had been nothing other than pleasant and helpful at work, that she wasn't up to the job and would never make it. Not only did he do that, he called over another senior work colleague and asked him to agree that she wasn't up to the job and wouldn't last!

Needless to say, she's devastated and is even more nervous going in to work than she was prior to the comments.
 

Well that is totally out of order and could be construed as bullying.
I have, in the past, advised a friend in work to try and avoid social occasions as she always got very drunk and said things she regretted and then agonised about it afterwards. It was also getting her a very bad name. Obviously there are sometimes good reasons why people don't want to go to work events.

In my post I was talking generally about people who just decide, regardless of what their colleagues are like, that they don't want to do any socialising with people from work whether it's the Christmas party, someone's farewell drinks or just a few colleagues deciding to go out for a meal together, and makes a 'statement' to this effect when invited.

W200 are you deliberately trying to be nasty and provocative for some reason?
 

Of course people have a 'right' not to socialise. But I don't think I'd have that much respect for someone who never ever bothered to make a tiny effort to attend someone's going away drinks or retirement party or promotion celebration. It seems a bit mean spirited.
 
For me, its one of the annual hazards of the season, that some colleague will attempt to cajole me into attending the xmas party. In my current job for about 15 years, I've never attended.
In fact, there was a conversation just last week when I was "arm-twisted", and asked if I didn't feel under pressure to attend. I patiently explained for the umpteenth time that I don't go to parties, that those days are long behind me. Rather than the person taking what I thought was a decent hint, they pushed on, telling me that this was "so sad". While they were talking, I was thinking to myself how sad a lot of people - including me -would be if my party days were still in full swing, and what a constant cause for celebration it is that I'll be going home to my family for xmas.

(Reading that back it seems a little heavy; it wasn't meant to come across all earnest.)
People have their reasons for attending or not attending. The key thing is that they don't owe anyone an explanation of those reasons. Live and let live.

Happy xmas to all...even the party-goers!
 
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Well, I agree with that Booter and can't stand people who try to pressurise people to attend things they clearly don't want to. I'm not a party type myself and don't go to the Christmas event if it's in a hotel with a band and a 3 course meal and lots of 'dad dancing' from senior managers. Luckily most of my current colleagues feel the same so we go to a restaurant for a late lunch and then on to the pub.
 

I have absolutely no problem with anyone not deciding to go out on nights out. I have a young child and I know I would rather spend time with her. However, I have also worked with people that would rather sit at their desk looking at the internet during a coffee break than spend five minutes having a cup of coffee and a piece of cake when someone is leaving or celebrating a promotion or a birth of a child etc. And I don't get that.

Having said all that, the joys of work mean that you end up spending a lot of time with people with different personalities and with people who you would never be friendly with. Unless it starts interfering with work, I tend not to care.
 
I suppose it's all about balance really. People need a life and activities and friendships away from work and it's not healthy to socialise entirely with colleagues or to depend on work events for your social life. But people who turn their nose up at the very idea of going for a drink with a colleague or showing their face for an hour at someone's retirement party or promotion celebration need to get over themselves.
And I definitely think there's something a bit sad about someone who in their entire working life over many years, hasn't made one single friend or kept in touch with anyone from any previous job, even if it just involves a meet up once a year or the odd quick lunch.
 

One of the few perks of the down turn... Companies are cutting back so team building exercises are culled...

I remember a good few years bad they wanted me to go to a hotel over two nights in a different county on a team building exercise. I refused point blank.
They can have me 9-5 but not 24/7.

Another one we had was where a company came on site for team building... They got us throwing a tennis ball amoung 5 people and then introduced more tennis balls and when someone dropped one they stopped the exercise to explain to us that the more balls you have in the air the more chance you might drop one! I mean, who comes up with this rubbish?
Another one we had to wear blindfolds. I not sure what the point of that one was because I walked out and refused to partake. At 44 it was like going back to kindergarden.

Thankfully the recession has sorted this problem.
 
Not sure if it was social or team-building but the time we went paint-balling, the amount of paint on management told its own story !
 

I agree. They are one of biggest con jobs ever inflicted on the world and companies with more money than sense just lapped them up....

It al started going wrong when the personnel department got renamed 'Human Resources'....
 
I agree. The recession has thankfully put an end to the greatest nuisance work wise ever.

It was a nightmare having to spend a day playing really stupid games/role plays.

Unfortunately, we still have some awkward people giving poor PowerPoint presentations on sometimes useless topics as part of staff development.

Complete waste of public money.

Keeping the post on topic , I don't attend work-organised social events but I enjoy the company of colleagues at informal lunches.

I think the word "refusing"in the thread title is a little bit harsh.


Marion
 
I never enjoyed work parties and eventually stopped going to them after giving them a try. Colleagues stocking up with drinks as the "free" bar was about to close. Pints of Guinness with flat heads on them littering the tables. Then the "we are going on to such and such club" after the Christmas party to consume more drink. In those days cigarette smoke stinging the eyes out of your head. Male colleagues with their guffawing at sexist jokes etc.
But I also didn't like the individuals that never went to the parties but were on the phone the next day to hear all the gossip.
In the end I decided that this was not for me and effectively opted out of both the parties and the gossip.
 

Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh. I wasn't criticising people who don't generally, for whatever reason, spend much time socialsing with colleagues. I was really talking about people (and I've heard it a few times) who say in a disdainful kind of voice 'oh God no. I never go out with people from work' or 'I have a life. Why would I want to socialise with work people'? It's as if they think they're superior to people who occasionally enjoy a night out with workmates.
 
liaconn said:
I was really talking about people .. who say .. 'I have a life.
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IMHO ..

People who actually have an active and varied social life would attend such after-work events. And those people who are so disposed to say "I have a life", often don't. At least not one anyone would envy. When I hear that said I like to construct a mental image of them slobbing on the couch watching repeats of some TV programme they would never admit to watching.

People who are active in their own time, be it socially or sports or voluntary work, rarely feel the need to disclose it.

When people ask "how was your weekend", they're often saying "ask me about mine" .
 
I went to a team building event once. It wasn't voluntary, it was two working days, sitting around a conference table talking about work issues, staying one night in a hotel. This is a large well known company, in the UK. The kind of company that if you get a job there as a young graduate you feel that you have it made.

There were people from different offices from all over the country, who mostly didn't know each other, mostly young, a year out of college.

The sessions started off slowly, people were awkward and slow to participate.The company had hired a psychologist to develop "icebreakers" activities and games to help people overcome their inhibitions and participate more fully.

They worked well and after a time everyone was enthusiastically disscussing and debating.

That evening after dinner we were all required to attend a session in the hotel bar. Drinking wasn't required but the conference organisers were buying freely.

The formal part of the evening ended about 10.30. People drifted off after that but there was still a tab open at the bar.

A young male employee of the company after a day of team building activities designed to loosen inhibitions and an evening of alcohol all paid for by his employers, made a comment to a female hotel guest unconnected to the company.

She complained, (not unreasonably), and he was fired.

I have never been able to respect "team building" exercises since.
 
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