Pregnant girl looking for abortion money

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Caveat said:
What?!
It's far from certain that the girl is even pregnant!
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It doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, she sounds like a loon. The less dealings with her the better. Grease the palms and let her be gone. The last thing the guy should do is drag it out any further, trust me.
 
majik said:
It doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, she sounds like a loon. The less dealings with her the better. Grease the palms and let her be gone. The last thing the guy should do is drag it out any further, trust me.
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Maybe if the guy had 700 euro to spare but as stated he has to take out a loan for the money. No damn way should he pay this loon and quite frankly he is not obliged to pay for the abortion even if she is pregnant!.
 
ney001 said:
Maybe if the guy had 700 euro to spare but as stated he has to take out a loan for the money. No damn way should he pay this loon and quite frankly he is not obliged to pay for the abortion even if she is pregnant!.
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why are you calling her a loon? There is always two sides to every story and the majority of posters here seem happy to write her off as a scam artist, loon etc, we don't know if she's telling the truth so we can't call her a liar, we don't know what actually happened on that faithful night so we don't know if anything untoward happened that maybe she feels terrible about i.e things went further than she wanted. The fact of the matter is there are so many possible variables we are doing her a dusjustice.
 
He needs to find out one way or the other if she is pregnant. There is more at stake than just paying for the abortion. At some point in the future the OP’s friend may start a family and he may have issues of guilt about aborting what he could then see as his first child. I am not making a judgement call one way or the other about abortion, I am just pointing out that for some people it can cause long term psychological problems. He needs to know if he is really facing such a major decision or if he is being scammed. If the girl is pregnant and proceeds with the abortion then I agree with PM1234 that he needs to face up to his responsibility and go with her.
 
Blossy,

I think you and your friend are completely out of line. I have no idea if this girl is lying or not, but it seems to me that if someone says they're pregnant and are having an abortion, it is more likely than not that they are telling the truth.

Look at it this way, if she's lying, at worst your friend is out of pocket a few hundred quid. He can put it down to experience and learn to be more circumspect with his sexual behaviour.

On the other hand, if she's telling the truth, at the very least he has just made what is possible the most traumatic experience of her life into something so much worse. He has accused her of lying, bullied her, and told all his friends about the situation, getting many of them to contact her.

Frankly, he sounds like a contemptible person. I am shocked that his first concern is his money.
 
Kate10 said:
Blossy,

Frankly, he sounds like a contemptible person. I am shocked that his first concern is his money.
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I think it's wrong to suggest that money is the first thing he's thinking about, from my reading of the posts it's the fact that this girl could be lying that's the issue, not whether he'll be out of pocket. Like Purple said regardless of the money there could be more consequences down the line. Like previous posters have said he should say that'll book the flights, pay for the hotel and apppointment and go with her, that way he's doing right by her if she is pregnant but also preventing himself from being scamed. She won't be forced to take a test, if she's genuine but just doesn't want to take the test, and presumably she'll back off if she's lying.
 
This is all very odd.

I agree with a previous poster that he should approach her with the €700 and a pregnancy test. If she refuses to take the test he should tell her to f- off and never speak to her again. If she agrees to the test and is pregnant, just give her the money and be done with her.

Tbh I don't understand why she can't just gather the money herself and go to England. I understand and agree he should fund her, but as its dragging on surely she has the cop on to just get the money and get it over with.

Btw I also think this is a scam. I have met some serious weirdos in my life - the type of people who would pull this kind of nonsense.
 
As someone who found myself pregnant after a brief relationship I can sort of understand the girls reaction.
Just playing Devils advocate here.
I know how shocked and upset I was finding out, I know how much I struggled with the dilemna of whether to even tell the father. I didn't know whether to have an abortion or to keep the pregnancy (I was 19).
I was in pieces and a friend convinced me I had to tell the dad. So I did. He tried to convince me to have an abortion etc etc...but not once did he say "are you sure you are pregnant....are you sure it is mine..."
Perhaps if we had agreed to go down the abortion route and he had offered to pay/accompany me he may have asked for proof. If he had been interested when the child was born he may have asked for DNA tests....

But to spring those kind of accusations on her when she (if she is pregnant) is probably in shock and so upset and tormented....I can totally understand why she would be defensive.
The two of them are being stubborn (I am assuming she is pregnant). He needs to talk to the girl and tell her he is sorry for his reaction, that he was in shock. He needs to tell her he will accompany her to the doctor / clinic and will pay costs.
 
hello all!

the main question was had he any rights to find out if someone is pregnant when they claim to do so and refuse a test, it was a legal question. i am certainly not out of line as someone mentioned in asking these questions or doubting her motives, i am entitled to my own opinion.

the point was this girl not very well known to my friend and is asking for 700 for something she will not prove....

may i ask, if you were involved in a car incident and you both drove away, if the other driver approached you on the street and asked for a sum of money, you would ask to see the car, you would ask for proof. anyone that would hand over the money without proof would be an idiot.

The money is not the main issue here, it is he could be a father to the a child, or it could be aborted, or it all could be a bix hoax, either way it seems to revolve around this 700euros. he has said he will pay for the abortion once she proves it, he just want to be made an idiot of.

note, not sure who mentioned it but i mistyped 'i' , i myself am not getting directly involved i was just looking for advise and other opinions.
i myself got pregnant very young, and am a single mother so believe me am not being nasty to this girl. when i was pregnant, and if england was an option, i would have gladly taken a test, to prove so, no matter how much my pride was hurt. if i wanted the baby or whatever you want o call it, if i was willing to get it taken from my body and go through that ordeal, surely wee-ing on a stick is nothing to do to get the money for the abortion.
 
No he doesn't have any legal rights to demand a pregnancy test. Abortion is illegal in this country. The only time he could legally demand a DNA test is if she subsequently pursues him for maintainence for this child and then he could ask a judge for said test. Might be something for him to bear in mind- that an alleged pregnancy could well progress to an alleged child. This is not a car accident nor anything like.
 
yes i have noted he is aware that there will be a child involved, but as mentioned previously he seems to have no rights she makes the decision. he may well want to be father and i have not said otherwsise only that he said 'okay' when she mentioned england. he feels he has no rights, if she goes there he cant stop her, you cant force someone to have your baby, nor can you force them to have an abortion, a guy cant win! i do believe however, that if she does keep the child, he has to live up to the responsibilties that come with that. he is aware of this, and has told her so.
 
Blossy said:
yes i have noted he is aware that there will be a child involved, but as mentioned previously he seems to have no rights she makes the decision. he may well want to be father and i have not said otherwsise only that he said 'okay' when she mentioned england. he feels he has no rights, if she goes there he cant stop her, you cant force someone to have your baby, nor can you force them to have an abortion, a guy cant win! i do believe however, that if she does keep the child, he has to live up to the responsibilties that come with that. he is aware of this, and has told her so.
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Regards his rights and his wants, if he doesn't want her to have an abortion then he can say so, but the gist of the story suggests that he is ok with the abortion but not ok with paying for in case he is being made a fool of. A woman has more rights for this type of scenario which is obviously for the better because it is her body that is key to everything.
Your analogy of a car crash further proves to me that you are not being sensitive enough in this situation. As for he barely knows her - that is not the point he slept with her and used no contraception (presumably) even though he didn't know her so that is not enought o call her integrity into doubt.
If it was me and she asked I would pay and even if I felt it was a scam I would feel that I walked into the situation with very real repurcussions on the table and if this is all that he has to suffer it may be a cheap lesson.
 
why do people keep mentioning that he walked into this and he should pay, So did she, she isnt on the pill she didnt put on the condom, neither did he put on a condom, i dont think i should be overly sensitive when she also didnt use protection, and she also knew she could get pregnant?


i personally think both parties are to blame, i am not being sensitive to either party as they both made the mistake and both should pay and both should be mature about it!

it was sex nothing more no relationship will come of this, is she doesnt want the child and wants him to pay, she should just prove it. if she wont he wont pay and i dont think he should have to.

IMHO i dont think its fair a woman gets to call all the shots.
 
Why doesn't he just offer her half the cost i.e. €350 without the pregnancy test to either make her go away and if she wants the other €350 she will have to take the test.

What a crazy situation. They obviously know each other and wasn't just a one night stand with a stranger if your friend knows her friends well enough to ask them to get involved. The two of them should probably be steralised after this to make sure they don't reproduce if this is how they carry on.
 
One question Blossy - this girl, do you happen to know how she knows she is pregnant?

If we are talking about simply a missed/late period - what is the first thing any woman on this site would do in this case?
 
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