Money important when considering partners?

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Thrifty

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Love watching the Jane Austen period dramas and the most recent one Sense and Sensibility. One thing that always strikes me is that although they’re all so supposedly delicate in talking about certain matters this does not apply to money and it’s very much one of the first things that’s looked at in considering future partner. I always though this was an old fashioned idea that seemed certainly to have gone out in the sixties and seventies during my parents generation.

But I feel it’s become quite an important issue again just from talking to friends. Perhaps I’m wrong but one male friend of mine feels he won’t really get a ‘good’ girlfriend because he hasn’t got his own place and lives in a shared house with others. I don’t know what he means by ‘good’. It seems it’s not so much as building your lives together anymore as bringing your share to the table and hoping your partner can match it. Perhaps it’s because people are settling older or maybe I’m just being cynical but I have noticed it more and more. I’m curious as to other people’s experience/ opinion on whether money/property is important to people when considering potential partners. I’d like to think relationships haven’t become that mercenary but listening to one or two female friends with agendas for potential boyfriends I’m starting to feel romance is dead.
 
I think a degree of financial comfort/stability is usually but not always desirable.

To place this as one of the most important criteria in choosing a partner though sounds to me to be selfish and shallow. I know quite a few women and men who are unimpressed with wealth and it's trappings and have more important concerns - like love obviously
 
Thrifty:
Love watching the Jane Austen period dramas and the most recent one Sense and Sensibility. One thing that always strikes me is that although they’re all so supposedly delicate in talking about certain matters this does not apply to money and it’s very much one of the first things that’s looked at in considering future partner.

If you have a read of 'Goergette Heyer's Regency World' by Jennifer Kloester, it seems that money was the most important thing when choosing a partner in the Regency age.. interesting book...

maybe they were very 'modern' in their views - or is 21st century society 'old-fashioned'?

 
triplex said:
If you have a read of 'Goergette Heyer's Regency World' by Jennifer Kloester, it seems that money was the most important thing when choosing a partner in the Regency age.. interesting book...
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For the specific section of society dealt with in these books presumably?
 
a middle class woman had few opportunities to earn her own living (except poorly paid jobs like being a gorerness); parents wanted to ensure a decent future; parents provide dowry; husband provided livlihood. Most marraiges were fiinancial joinings of families.
Applies to a lesser extent today because in theory both parties are capable of earning a living. But you will notice that people tend in general to marry those of similar earning power.
 
Gordanus said:
But you will notice that people tend in general to marry those of similar earning power.
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I think this may have less to do with 'what have you got' and more to do with similar attitudes and goals.

For example, a very ambitious and hard working person would surely respect the same qualities in a partner and may find it hard to relate to a more easy-going, less ambitious person.
 
Let's face it, none of us like 'Gold-diggers' and if we had a friend who was being fooled by one, then we'd tell that friend.

Nothing wrong with dating/marrying someone who's well off, but to do it just because they're well off and have damn all reason other than that, well then I'm sorry, all bets are off.
 
Personally don't think money or background is important in one's partner. Love and attraction, the ability to just be good friends and sticking power, the knowledge that this person will back you up no matter what, humour and kindness- all these things are much, much more important.
 
Have to agree with Vanilla 100%. I've heard women say that marry for money and you'll grow to love them.

I think that's a recipe for disaster.
 
I think the problem is other peoples reactions ie if someone who doesn't have much money meets someone who does, other people assume that money has to be the attraction. Which says a lot more about the people saying it!

Marrying someone for money would be a long sentence indeed.

Carrie from Sex and the city said it best


I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.
 

I dont see women looking for well off partners as top criteria any worse than a man putting looks and dress (or chest!) size first in his list of criteria.
 

The ability to quote sex in the city is not a virtue.

Income is a factor for many people when choosing a partner but I don’t think it should ever be near the top of the list.
 
it's a person's attitude to money which i would consider important...what they actually earn doesn't bother me..
 
TBH, being rich isn't important. Earning enough to support themselves and attitude to money is though. YMMV
 
It's a good question by the OP.

I think it certainly does apply to some extent for women being attracted to men but not vice versa.
 
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