Pooled for us also. We did have separate accounts for a while but in the end it was just easier to have the one as we get paid at different times so it was becoming a bit of a hassle to keep up with who paid what from where. We are in the process of setting up a new account which will be just for bills but that will be joint and will have a fixed amount going in each week from the main account. We earn vastly different amounts so it would be unreasonable to expect us to pay the same as each other, though I can understand it for people earning broadly the same salary. I wouldn't go as far as halving meals out and so on. We have our own savings accounts but we put the same amount in each month. The only difference is my partner does get car allowance, expenses and overtime so that is their "own " money.
Married Couple division of bills
- Thread starter Winnie
- Start date
JP1234 - when I travelled for business and managed to generate any significant amount in per-diem allowances we would essentially regard this as treat money for a meal or trip for the two of us. The only reason I was getting the money in the first place was because she had changed her schedule or re-arranged things or simply managed the kids for days at a time while I was off seeing the sights (nominally working) and eating out every night. I thought it was only fair to use it in this way rather than to treat it as being mine. I would probably regard occasional overtime in the same way and if it was regular overtime I would regard it as part of my salary package and so it would be treated the same way as the rest of the salary.
I can't understand at all the mindset of people who would split the cost of a meal with their spouse or partner. Do they charge their partner the economic cost of giving them a lift to the resto too ?
z
I can't understand at all the mindset of people who would split the cost of a meal with their spouse or partner. Do they charge their partner the economic cost of giving them a lift to the resto too ?
z
Zag - yes I can see your point, I suppose if the amounts involved were massive we might see it differently but they are not huge amounts and to be fair, usually end up going on something " for the household" anyway. In my old job I used to get an annual bonus which took care of most of the family holiday cost. The only time I can think of when his money went on himself was the time he went out and bought a flat screen TV but I wouldn't begrudge it.
I don't understand the splitting of the cost for meals and so on either, especially to do it in the restaurant, I'd at least wait until we got home or would say "you pay next time". I'd be interested to know how the OP views grocery shopping, is that split down the middle or based on what you eat, do you split your phone bill depending on how many calls you made etc (not having a go, just curious as I just cannot imagine having such separate finances - even in our early relationship we just never considered splitting meal bills) Having a kid definitely makes the difference though, you simply don't have enough money to worry about who pays what
I don't understand the splitting of the cost for meals and so on either, especially to do it in the restaurant, I'd at least wait until we got home or would say "you pay next time". I'd be interested to know how the OP views grocery shopping, is that split down the middle or based on what you eat, do you split your phone bill depending on how many calls you made etc (not having a go, just curious as I just cannot imagine having such separate finances - even in our early relationship we just never considered splitting meal bills) Having a kid definitely makes the difference though, you simply don't have enough money to worry about who pays what
Hi,
Im living with my girlfriend of 3 years and are enjoying ourselves no end i love her she loves me and we both have salaries.she earns much more than me and she has her own account and i have mine and there definitely is no plan to pool them together. We have discussed this at length over the past year and came to the conclusion that if we did pool our finances together (married or living together) that it could end up in resentment towards each other as Im of the belief that what she earns is hers and what i earn is mine (she also thinks the same just in case im answering this by myself).
We hope to get married some day and don't seem to see why this situation should change. Since shes moved into my house she hasn't had to pay any bills or anything else simply for the reason that i was paying them in the first place that and it isnt costing me anymore than if i lived there on my own and 2. shes able to save an awful lot more in her savings so much so that shes been able to buy a house by herself by getting a 100% mortgage and furnish the place without having got into debt by going finance on it. Now as i see it when i get married seeing that its in her name it will stay that way. She worked really hard for that house and was great for her confidence in many ways.
Now the way i see it and i know im not married is that some people in here think its weird if things are done that way but hey things are cool. and just in case you didnt notice there so many people breaking up these days and claiming all kinds off each other and driving each other to all kinds of extremes because of expectations from our peers thats irish society plain and simple ,good oule fashioned keeping up with the jones and outdoing each other takes the most calmest people into all kinds of emotional and obsessive outbursts.
One thing we will never fight about is money we go to the pub and who ever has the money pays. it could be me one week and her the next week , we never split meals as its just really messy. i go to the bar then she goes no big deal. i give my regards to all couples out there
Seánieboy
Myself and my partner have a great life and have a child on the way and hes future is secured from the both of us as the 2 of us have put in equal amounts to make sure his/her life is a happy and secure household
Im living with my girlfriend of 3 years and are enjoying ourselves no end i love her she loves me and we both have salaries.she earns much more than me and she has her own account and i have mine and there definitely is no plan to pool them together. We have discussed this at length over the past year and came to the conclusion that if we did pool our finances together (married or living together) that it could end up in resentment towards each other as Im of the belief that what she earns is hers and what i earn is mine (she also thinks the same just in case im answering this by myself).
We hope to get married some day and don't seem to see why this situation should change. Since shes moved into my house she hasn't had to pay any bills or anything else simply for the reason that i was paying them in the first place that and it isnt costing me anymore than if i lived there on my own and 2. shes able to save an awful lot more in her savings so much so that shes been able to buy a house by herself by getting a 100% mortgage and furnish the place without having got into debt by going finance on it. Now as i see it when i get married seeing that its in her name it will stay that way. She worked really hard for that house and was great for her confidence in many ways.
Now the way i see it and i know im not married is that some people in here think its weird if things are done that way but hey things are cool. and just in case you didnt notice there so many people breaking up these days and claiming all kinds off each other and driving each other to all kinds of extremes because of expectations from our peers thats irish society plain and simple ,good oule fashioned keeping up with the jones and outdoing each other takes the most calmest people into all kinds of emotional and obsessive outbursts.
One thing we will never fight about is money we go to the pub and who ever has the money pays. it could be me one week and her the next week , we never split meals as its just really messy. i go to the bar then she goes no big deal. i give my regards to all couples out there
Seánieboy
Myself and my partner have a great life and have a child on the way and hes future is secured from the both of us as the 2 of us have put in equal amounts to make sure his/her life is a happy and secure household
JP1234 said:
I just can't imagine this scenario, getting out of the taxi (who pays for that
) and going into the house, one of us taking out the wallet and saying "here's the twenty for the meal" or whatever.To me, it doesn't sound like married (or even cohabiting, or even, for that matter, just going out) life.
Maybe I'm completely out of touch.
seánieboy said:
I wouldn't say she bought it by herself as she was living rent free in your house, which was possibly the only way she could afford it.
Don't get me wrong - it sounds like you guys have a great life, but don't you think your finances are more "joint" than you are letting on?
From the day that we met (while still in school) what we had was to share. There were times when one had a job (summer or part time) and both lived at home with parents but any money we had was ours never mine or yours. It has worked for us. Anything else would seem very strange to me.
hi extopia no i wouldnt agree that our finances are joint and never will. I have no problem with this and neither has she its just as 007 was saying about his wifes house that she pays the mortgage. I never want to have a claim on that house ever ever ever Id never forgive myself if i went down that rotten road and yes youre right that as a married couple you have an entitlement to the family home. Fair enough it wont happen in our case as now she has her own house and no way would i even contemplate wanting it for myself or half of it its just not on. I know of 3 married couples that have got married and 2 years down the line they have been taken to the cleaners by the husband or the wife as one of them had an awful lot more than the other person before they got married. The thing is theres a lot of people out there getting married for this reason.
theres loads of people just out for there pound of flesh and basic and simple thats not a road were going to go down.
yes youre right she moved into my house because
1. we love each other
2. none of us had lived with anyone before and wanted to try it out
3. the 2 of us are very independant people and likeminded
4. it was financially better for her as she was paying rent and yes she would have been able to afford her own house even if she hadnt moved in with me
and since im an independant person i wanted to carry on living the way id always carried on and that means paying my own bills
I did initially think that by doing this that it would cost me a fortune with the esb and telephone groceries etc but this isnt the case in fact its just about the same
The whole point about living together for us is about being able to be ourselves without having to change too much our usual lifestyle from before and hey presto its worked for us a treat so far fingers crossed.
I dont want to change our living situation it would be a shame to have joint accounts as it would take away our independant way of living so differant strokes for differant folks i suppose thanks for replying extopia
theres loads of people just out for there pound of flesh and basic and simple thats not a road were going to go down.
yes youre right she moved into my house because
1. we love each other
2. none of us had lived with anyone before and wanted to try it out
3. the 2 of us are very independant people and likeminded
4. it was financially better for her as she was paying rent and yes she would have been able to afford her own house even if she hadnt moved in with me
and since im an independant person i wanted to carry on living the way id always carried on and that means paying my own bills
I did initially think that by doing this that it would cost me a fortune with the esb and telephone groceries etc but this isnt the case in fact its just about the same
The whole point about living together for us is about being able to be ourselves without having to change too much our usual lifestyle from before and hey presto its worked for us a treat so far fingers crossed.
I dont want to change our living situation it would be a shame to have joint accounts as it would take away our independant way of living so differant strokes for differant folks i suppose thanks for replying extopia
extopia said:I just can't imagine this scenario, getting out of the taxi (who pays for that
To me, it doesn't sound like married (or even cohabiting, or even, for that matter, just going out) life.
Maybe I'm completely out of touch.
No me either, I was just using it as an example! Do people divide it by half or go through the itemised bill working out exactly how much each share came to right down to how much wine each had?
Same situation as extopia, we're equal partners in our marriage and, even though I don't work outside the home, I have access to all finances and an equal say in purchases, other financial decisions or any other non-financial decisions which impact on the family.
I can't imagine it any other way and, frankly, wouldn't accept any other arrangement.
A friend of mine stays at home to look after her two young children and receives an 'allowance' from her husband who has to be 'asked' for extra funds if she needs to buy anything out of the ordinary.
I can't imagine it any other way and, frankly, wouldn't accept any other arrangement.
A friend of mine stays at home to look after her two young children and receives an 'allowance' from her husband who has to be 'asked' for extra funds if she needs to buy anything out of the ordinary.
Seanie, I think the point people are trying to make here is that if you get divorced or whatever, it is usually the court that decides on the way in which the assets, if any, are split. Courts here don't recognise pre-nups or arrangements like them. As pointed out by extopia, you did contribute indirectly to your girlfriend buying her house, and a court would likely see it that way too.
Andrewa said:
Me! When we started living together I was all for keeping it separate and it was ridiculous. He "owed" me for this and I "owed" him that and it just got to be so much hard work that it's easier to pool everything. We are married now and this is what we do. If he gets a bonus, we might make a payment off both credit cards or book a holiday or if I get one I might buy something for the house etc. It's all the same.
I guess I can just never imagine not having my own separate finances.
We do have joint savings & all household expenses come from our joint account so its not completely separate.
But as regards his car loan - that is his, the car is his & i have nothing to do with it
My SSIA & his savings - We are planning on building a house in the near future so in reality it will be spent on joint stuff. But if we werent planning that, then yes the SSIA would be mine to spend as I was the one to save it.
My husband & I both earn a similar basic wage, however he earns about €15k extra in overtime - why should I take 1/2 of that when he is the one who has had to put in the extra work? I usually choose to take my overtime as days off instead & that is my choice.
We are starting to join our finances up a bit more than previously but we both agree that we will always want our separate money.
I just wonder what couples do when they have completely different spending habits & yet put all their money into one pot - does this not cause awful rows.
In the case of children - I think things will prob change a bit more when that happens. But if one of us cut down on hours to look after them I imagine that we will just change the ratio of money going into joint account to take that into account.
But yes - if we are out we will split the bill.... as amazing as people find it.
We do have joint savings & all household expenses come from our joint account so its not completely separate.
But as regards his car loan - that is his, the car is his & i have nothing to do with it
My SSIA & his savings - We are planning on building a house in the near future so in reality it will be spent on joint stuff. But if we werent planning that, then yes the SSIA would be mine to spend as I was the one to save it.
My husband & I both earn a similar basic wage, however he earns about €15k extra in overtime - why should I take 1/2 of that when he is the one who has had to put in the extra work? I usually choose to take my overtime as days off instead & that is my choice.
We are starting to join our finances up a bit more than previously but we both agree that we will always want our separate money.
I just wonder what couples do when they have completely different spending habits & yet put all their money into one pot - does this not cause awful rows.
In the case of children - I think things will prob change a bit more when that happens. But if one of us cut down on hours to look after them I imagine that we will just change the ratio of money going into joint account to take that into account.
But yes - if we are out we will split the bill.... as amazing as people find it.
We're getting married in 3 months but have been living together for several years and so have a joint account. We transfer an equal amount when required to cover mortgage, bills, presents for joint friends, meals out, etc. We each pay our own car loan. We're happy with this at the moment because we both earn a similar amount and everything is split 50:50. The problem arises when we will start our family - soon! I plan on working part time at that stage and so will be earning considerably less than hubby. At that stage what do we do? If we combine our money - he'll probably nag me about my spending on clothes, I'll probably nag him about following Munster around Europe! I really don't know what we'll do? Open to suggestions? Sorry for hijacking!