Sarahlouise
Registered User
- Messages
- 6
Thank you for your kind wordsI really feel for you, it sounds like you have had a very hard time but that you have a wonderful daughter in your life.
It seems like you are going to have to fight for what your daughter needs. I'm sure your daughter will respect that you stood up when you saw and injustice....Maybe not now but in the future.
Maybe someone here could offer practical advice about how to go about getting a decent amount of maintenance for your daughter?
Thank you for theI am afraid that the only way to get decent maintenance (in the absence of agreement) is the legal route. You will need to start keeping a record of any payments currently being received, regularity of payment, costs you currently incur etc. Of course this will require a solicitor but I think you should mak enquiries with a Citizens Advice Bureau and the Family Court as well. Sometimes initial action by means of a letter from a solicitor to the other party giving notice that you intend going to court can result in an out of court settlement.
I accept that all this can be very wearying but the most important issue is ywour daughter. In a few years she will be in a position to take up Summer work and also put in the effort to get good exam results. She will also see her father for the shyster he is and be old enough to cut off contact
She is now 14. We have tried every way to try to make it work. She really doesnt like his partner and also feels that she can be a bit off with her as if my daughter is not wanted. I asked him to go slowly and get to know my child. Then when they have confidence in their relationship he could introduce other people slowly. He agreed for about a month and then one day paraded her around his siblings houses like a prize doll without asking my permission. My daughter was very uncomfortable and didnt want to do it again. Bare in mind she didnt know any of these people. Therefore access stopped and now everytime he fails to pay maintenance he throws up at me that i prevent him from seeing her. Yes this is manipulation and he is just saying it for something to throw at me. I am so afraid he will go to court for access as my daughter doesn not want this.What age is your daughter ? Would she be comfortable to say to him that she likes meeting him but would prefer to see him on his own and maybe less often and make the meetings really special for her. I feel you have to stand up for yourself and your daughter and €50 goes nowhere on an older child - so I would recommend the court route. Of course there is no guarantee that he will pay unless the court put something in place to have the payment deduced from his salary or whatever payment he receives. My friend was in a similar position and the payments were sporadic and eventually the child who was around 10 decided that she did not want to spend time with her father as she felt he was not really interested in doing anything with her and like in your situation wanted to leave her with his partner. Fortunately my friend was in a good financial position and while she was anxious for her child to have contact with the father it not work out.
The world is full of men like him
Ireland needs to step up and hold these men accountable. Women are so unfairly treated in this country.
It is very easy to be emotional and angry in these situations, especially when you see the emotional damage that the casual indifference of a parent can have on a child.
I'm a single parent with a daughter who doesn't want to see her mother. Even though our daughter lives with me her mother still gets the children's allowance and contributed very little. There are 3 other children in the mix and they are constantly hurt by their mothers behaviour. The important thing is to not be angry. Most of my difficulties are due to my failure to engage with the system more robustly. That is partially due to the emotional toil of leaving an abusive relationship and partially due to inevitable trauma caused to the children by their mothers anger.
It's hard to get a phone call from your ten year old daughter (one of the other 3 kids) crying because it is her birthday and her mother didn't get her a present or a card or a cake and left her with her older siblings for the day while she went out with her friends. As a father I can't drive over there and give her a hug and take her to my house, what she calls her real home. That sort of thing keeps you up at night.
I'm not having a go at women here; there are plenty of women and men in my position, I'm saying that feeling angry or sorry for yourself, no matter how understandable, solved nothing and is a bad example for your child(ren).
Engage with the legal system; if anything it favours women rather than men but in the end the parent with the most power is the parent who cares least about the kids.
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