I really appreciate the feedback so far. Apologies for the delay in replying, but bedtime can be a very intense process for us & sometimes stretch well beyond midnight… so only getting to reply now... Also, I'm naturally a private person, especially when it comes to my family - but I do realise that asking for meaningful guidance means being more open. So, here's a fuller picture:
Financial Background
- Our mortgage was fully paid off about three years ago… over 20 years ahead of schedule. That was thanks in no small part to the advice I picked up on this forum years ago, so I'm genuinely grateful.
- Pensions:
- I expect to exceed the standard fund threshold based on current projections.
- My partner has significantly reduced their working hours to focus on the children, but I’ve continued to max out their pension contributions annually.
- My job is well-paid but quite demanding - home life can be just as intense.
- Before the diagnoses, I had hoped to retire early. Given the long-term uncertainty around our children’s needs, that’s no longer the plan. I'm now thinking more in terms of maintaining flexibility & financial resilience for the long haul.
- We hold over €100k in shares (even after the tariff impact) and more in cash.
- We could be better with our financials - we spend big on family holidays; but after that we don't need much. I've no issues driving a 15 year car myself once it is reliable, safe & reasonable economical.
- Overall, we’re in a strong financial position, and I’m very aware of the privilege that gives us. As my partner reminds me, life is already stressful - we’re fortunate that financial stress hasn't been part of the equation.
Family Background
- We’re in our mid-40s and have three children.
- Two of our three kids have been diagnosed with ASD - one in early teens, the other much younger.
- There is no intend to have more children… biologically impossible now
- We’ve been able to access early assessments and private supports when needed. As parents, we regularly attend training / courses to better understand how to support them.
The Difficult Question
The real challenging question here is:
How soon can one reasonably gauge whether a child will be able to live independently or sustain employment?
It’s a hard one. Our older child shows both encouraging progress and difficult setbacks. For example, last week we were advised to take them out of school for the remainder of the academic year due to burnout. It's a lot to process. For our youngest, it’s simply too early to say.
This uncertainty clouds the path forward. I want to ensure we’re doing everything we can to set them up for success - whatever that may look like. But how do you plan when the future could range from independence to lifelong support needs?
Are there strategies that allow for flexibility - decisions that
can be reversed if circumstances change? Or is it more of a binary planning process?
Estate Planning / Will
Before I speak with a solicitor, I’d love to understand what general principles or structures others have used. I like to do my homework before bringing in professionals - so any pointers on what to consider or common mistakes to avoid would be hugely appreciated.