I would agree that it's not appropriate where he was having one night stands but if he's in a relationship, then sooner or later the child will have to understand that they kiss and sleep together. It's not an ideal situation, but in the best interests of the child's relationship with the Dad some kind of compromise shoudl be reached if at all possible. Otherwise one risks the relationship withering to nothing which is quite common in divorce situations particulary on the side of the father.
If the Dad were not to take care not to disturb or upset the child, then there is something wrong with him, but this is an assumption on the OP's part.
I have offered a compromise. He wants to collect her at 7pm on saturday night and drop her back at 8am on monday morning.
I said he could collect her at 8am on sunday morning and bring her home at 8pm sunday night.
Bearing in mind this is once a month only. Thats all he's offering, the once a month I mean.
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I don't meant to sound harsh, but when one splits up and a child is involved then difficult choices are going to have to be made in the interest of a child. In an ideal world we would all have lovely homes and bedrooms for our kids, our ex would hide their other partner and pretend they don't exist.
We don't live in ideal worlds so we can make compromises even faced with an uncompromising ex if it is in the interest of the relationship that child has with the father. This man is a grown adult and a father to a young child. If he thinks it's ok for the child to stay in the room than I would say that that is his call, unless I could see a clear and present danger to the child from that decision of course. So far that has not been demonstrated. There are far worse things than a child to know his dad sleeps with someone else. I would rather that than the child to not know his dad. You have an unenvious task in making your decision, but the same faces all of us who split up. All that is important is what is good for the child.
We don't live in ideal worlds so we can make compromises even faced with an uncompromising ex if it is in the interest of the relationship that child has with the father.
and then dad got cross with her, put her on a chair outside and forgot about her and child slept there all night while dad and girlfriend watched tv in the house.
This may be the wrong forum so feel free to move it.
My ex has our child once a week overnight and once a month for 2 overnights.
He has rented out rooms and now wants to move the child into what was the walk in wardrobe off his bedroom.
It measures 1.8m x 1.9m.
Is there a legal minimum size for a bedroom?
You mean a chair outside the house?
Thanks ONQ, as per those guidelines the room is not deemed habitable due to it's dimensions. Ventilation is adequate. Window wouldn't be big enough to allow rescue though so as an inner room may not be safe. Not a problem if ex was asleep in next room but if he were downstairs it would be.
But you have said in previous posts that you don't consider this a separate room , it's part of the bedroom.
You can't have it both ways.
Thanks for the clarification Ailbhe, I had nightmares about this story last night and apologies for misreading your post. I've also been rethinking it.
Can I ask why the dad lives in a shared house, is it a money issue? I know as a mother that if I had custody of my child on occasion and had to live on my own that I would rent a place on my own. Even if he had a one bedroom flat he would have the living room separate.
Worthy of note: The OP has posted elsewhere that this man is not the child's father - rather a former partner who was with her for the early years of the child's life.
Now I think because of this he is acting out of love for the child - remember he has no obligation! - and she is trying to impose her law where she has no business. If she is unhappy let her not send the child over.
I also think a room with radiator and window of nearly 2x2m is just shy of my box room. Calling it a wardrobe may be as disingenuous and inflamatory as me calling my box room a dressing room. It's a small room.
spannerhead said:If she is unhappy let her not send the child over
Worthy of note: The OP has posted elsewhere that this man is not the child's father - rather a former partner who was with her for the early years of the child's life.
Now I think because of this he is acting out of love for the child - remember he has no obligation! - and she is trying to impose her law where she has no business. If she is unhappy let her not send the child over.
I also think a room with radiator and window of nearly 2x2m is just shy of my box room. Calling it a wardrobe may be as disingenuous and inflamatory as me calling my box room a dressing room. It's a small room.
Course its her business, its her child.
The OP is acting out of love to encourage the relationship at all - she doesnt have to let him see her.
Course its her business, its her child.
The OP is acting out of love to encourage the relationship at all - she doesnt have to let him see her.
Rubbish, the OP has described it as a walk in wardrobe off a bedroom - there is nothing inflammatory about calling a wardrobe a wardrobe.
I'm not trying to get a rise out of you, but you are the one who brought personal issues relevant to the discussion:-
http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showpost.php?p=986650&postcount=22
My point was that ultimately the child is yours you can do what you want. As he is not the father he has no say in it.
And your point is? I don't understand what exactly you are trying to say. I can do whatever I want, you are correct. But there can often be a difference between what I want and what is best.
I get muddled sometimes as there is a lot of tension between myself and ex and I'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm letting my own feelings cloud that. Hence the thread on boards which specifically asked was I over reacting. Bar one or two posters, it was generally accepted I wasn't over reacting.
This post was in relation to how best to reason with my ex as I said in the other thread, he has gone into shut down, has decided I am being unreasonable and refuses to discuss the issue at all.
I wanted some sort of technicality for him as he deals best with that as opposed to the emotional impact on the child. I'd be more of the emotional empathetic type. He is more factual and thinks our decisions now will not affect her in the future.
So I wanted to approach it from an angle he would understand as the emotional angle didn't work. Legal, fire safety etc, he would be more likely to listen to that than to impact on the child and psychologists advice.
He thinks "child is fine, whats the problem" but he wasn't the one dealing with the fall out of the breakup and listening to the child put herself down and cry herself to sleep at night so he doesn't get my point of view at all. That was a terrible time, seeing her in so much pain and I never want to return to that, which is why I am putting my foot down about anything I deem detremental to her progress.
I also feel that cutting him off would be detremental too. Hence the quandry.
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