Kids starting job... living at home ... how much "rent" should they pay?

MrEarl said:
Dare I suggest that kids owe their parents Big Time, for their first 18-24 years on the planet?

Very few kids were brought up on bread and water, most had TVs in their bedrooms (with Netflix), a tablet, the latest mobile phone, a decent weekly allowance, a wardrobe full of designer labels, a holiday with their pals (pre Covid). etc etc etc. Those kids who didn't have all of these things, and more, probably had parents who struggled the hardest, to provide what they could.

This endless sense of entitlement from Millennials is disgraceful, and needs to be stopped.
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Whilst I agree with the general thrust of your post MrEarl, is this really what "most" kids have these days? TV in their bedroom is an absolute No-No for us (including ourselves). Latest mobile phone? No again, they get a replacement with roughly the same frequency as ourselves (i.e. every 4 years or so) and never get a new one (refurbished are fine). Wardrobe full of designer labels, hardly, my daughter and her friends all shop in Penneys! Holiday with their pals - for kids? Not a chance. Maybe you are referring to adults earning a wage here MrEarl, not kids?

I think a couple of posters put it exactly as I would. Sit them down, discuss the cost of running and maintaining a household, ask them what they would view as being fair and reach an agreed figure. I absolutely don't agree with those who suggest the son earning more should pay more, why should he? He's already paying more tax, don't introduce yet another PAYE levy on the chap! However, again as others have said, do explain the value of a savings account (or investment fund) to start regularly setting aside money. Also explain the value of goals for those savings. And finally, again as has been said by many, don't just focus on the money. If not already doing so, ensure everyone does their fair share of the work around the house and now is an ideal time to tackle any jobs around that have been put on the long finger.
Ultimately look on this as bonus time with your children as they will be gone soon enough but also look on it as more time to impart some of what you have learned when it comes to life skills.
 
I certainly wouldn't be treating my kids as income generating tenants. I would look for a contribution from both. Slightly more from the boy but not double just because he earns double.

I would take one of two approaches:

1. charge a higher amount and keep some of it as savings that they would get back when they move out.
2. A lower amount, which is used as part of housekeeping.

I would discuss this with them both and let them know if you are saving money for them. They may both decide different options. A charge of €100 - €125 a week - €400 - €500 a month would be reasonable to me.

I would also tell them that there's one type of milk bought. If they want oat milk or vegan ice cream, they can get it themselves.


And they can do their own ironing ;)
 
...and I 100% agree with @Gordon Gekko on teaching your kids the importance of saving from the beginning of their working career. Making contributions to pension plans and having a savings account is very important. The boy will be able to do this quite easily given his starting salary but the girl will find it harder to do so.
 
I agree with you Luckystar on the third thing. It did me no harm and I fact helped me out in my working life.
Parents have this financial struggle in bringing up kids but now it's your time it's only fair. Make sure they don't get too comfortable or they'll never leave and you get consumed in their financial struggles. Best to give them a wee shove out of the nest.
 
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I would actually "charge" each of them the same. Your son is already paying more in tax for earning more than your daughter, so I wouldn't penalise him again.
 
Who the hell washes their adult children's clothes for them?
My 18 and 19 year old do their own laundry and if I'm not there to make dinner I tell them what's in the fridge for them to cook for themselves. My 12 year old is well able to cook and put washes on.
Rather than taking rent how about making sure they can do laundry and cook and wipe their own backside.

I'd make sure they are saving and have a pension but I don't think I'd take rent. I'd offer them the option of saving a good chunk of their take home pay, locked away for 5 years plus, or giving it to be in rent. They'll be working and paying rent and mortgages and looking after their own kids for long enough. Let them have a few years with the time and resources to travel and enjoy themselves first.
 
I have read a lot of this but not all, but to be honest i would question a) why you would want them to live at home and b) why they would want that. My situation is a little different as i went to boarding school and then lived away from home for 3rd level (in fairness costs of this were paid by my folks) so was effectively out of the house at 13 but anyone earning a reasonable salary should make their own independence a priority. Its best for everyone if they both move out and start making their own way in the world imo.
 
a) why you would want them to live at home and b) why they would want that.
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@Blackrock1

a) - I don't, but if they start paying full-market rent, then having a deposit for a place of their own will be even harder than it is;
b) - see a

How about you? When you finished 3rd level and got a job, did you continue to live away from home (assuming your home was in the same location as where you got your job?)
 
Ger1966 said:
@Blackrock1

a) - I don't, but if they start paying full-market rent, then having a deposit for a place of their own will be even harder than it is;
b) - see a

How about you? When you finished 3rd level and got a job, did you continue to live away from home (assuming your home was in the same location as where you got your job?)
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Yes as soon as i got a job i got my own place, it would not have entered my head to move home to be honest, and im sure my parents didnt really want to see me staggering in at 2am on a friday night and sleeping it off until lunch time time the next day either :)

Independence is very important, and its getting harder for kids to have any, i see with my own young kids, i need to actively encourage them to engage with say shop keepers or waiter or people like that as the default now is for parents to do everything for them.
 
Blackrock1 said:
Yes as soon as i got a job i got my own place, it would not have entered my head to move home to be honest, and im sure my parents didnt really want to see me staggering in at 2am on a friday night and sleeping it off until lunch time time the next day either :)

Independence is very important, and its getting harder for kids to have any, i see with my own young kids, i need to actively encourage them to engage with say shop keepers or waiter or people like that as the default now is for parents to do everything for them.
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Previous generations grew up with a single TV in the house and maybe sharing a bedroom with siblings. We couldn't wait to get out.
 
Blackrock1 said:
Yes as soon as i got a job i got my own place, it would not have entered my head to move home to be honest, and im sure my parents didnt really want to see me staggering in at 2am on a friday night and sleeping it off until lunch time time the next day either :)
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My friends from college who were from the country all continued to rent in Dublin once they finished college. Us Dubs, all continued to live with our parents. Looking back, I wish I moved out earlier.
 
Steven Barrett said:
My friends from college who were from the country all continued to rent in Dublin once they finished college. Us Dubs, all continued to live with our parents. Looking back, I wish I moved out earlier.
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i remember having a conversation with a guy i ended up hiring who was in university the same time as me, he lived at home and i was living with friends, the more we spoke about college and our experience the more he realised that our experiences were quite different and he felt he missed out on a lot of that. But i guess most dubs that goto 3rd level will live at home.
 
Steven Barrett said:
My friends from college who were from the country all continued to rent in Dublin once they finished college. Us Dubs, all continued to live with our parents. Looking back, I wish I moved out earlier.
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Are you yourself not from the same country as your "friends from college"?
 
Blackrock1 said:
I have read a lot of this but not all, but to be honest i would question a) why you would want them to live at home and b) why they would want that. My situation is a little different as i went to boarding school and then lived away from home for 3rd level (in fairness costs of this were paid by my folks) so was effectively out of the house at 13 but anyone earning a reasonable salary should make their own independence a priority. Its best for everyone if they both move out and start making their own way in the world imo.
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Different world now. Rents are far higher so it’s much harder for young people to be independent.
 
Deleted -Thanks Purple (below) - bit of another senior moment from me.
 
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There are as many different views on here as there are parents and kids. So the solution will be unique to each family. You are clear that you would prefer them to live independently but you worry about the high cost of that and they may choose to live at home but you are clear that if they do so you would like a contribution to the household expenses.

Have a family meeting, lay out the costs of running the household. What % of your take home pay it is. If the kids want to live at home when they are working mutually come to an agreement of what contribution they want to make to the household expenses. Deliberately set it higher than the kid is comfortable with since you are clear you would prefer them to live independently and passing this over to you every month should be a bit painful. Definitely don’t call it rent.

Whether you use the money to improve the household or save to give back to them when they are looking to purchase a house is up to you and dependant on your family circumstances.

Staying respectful and matter of fact about the process and leave the emotion out of it. (Of course you are planning to contribute to the household expenses now that you are earning and living at home, so let’s decide on what is fair for all…)
 
It also brings to mind the varying careers of your children, and what they are suited to and how they are compensated. So of for example your child becomes a teacher, they might need less support with raising kids as they have more time off, but might appreciate financial help. A person with a well paid job with less time off might appreciate grandparents who can help with childcare. So it's not always black & white & there are many ways to support your children.
 
I'm absolutely amazed at the tone and content of some of the responses here. There seems to be a simmering intergenerational resentment that I find hard to fathom. The way I look at it, building wealth is a multi-generational family project. We have, or should have, evolved past the "push them out of the nest" strategy of the animal kingdom! Each succeeding generation should aspire to leave the overall family situation in a healthier financial state than they were born into themselves.

To me, this is a fundamental parental responsibility. It's your choice to have them, after all, so do right by them! First comes education in basic values of self reliance and responsibility, so teach them to cook, clean, shop, tidy, do laundry and basic household, garden and car maintenance. That goes for boys AND girls, BTW.

Then comes education in financial matters and the instilling of good habits. Explain how the family finances work, and what goals the family is working towards. This includes avoiding/minimizing short term debt, financing the family home and making provision for parental pensions, children's education and other investments.

Then it's education and getting them on a good career and financial trajectory. Make it clear that you will help to the extent you can to get them set up and established but that it's ultimately their own responsibility.

The key thing here is balance. You shouldn't go beyond what you can reasonably afford. And parents need to look after their own essential needs like mortgage and pension provision, before helping out adult children.

Applying these principles, I would suggest that the "rent" question solves itself. As long as they want to stay at home, that's fine, they are welcome, it's the family home after all. .It should come fairly naturally that they help out a bit at home, both by doing a fair share of the household work (which they've learned to do anyway) and by picking up expenses like groceries, the odd bill, or perhaps buy some furniture or other stuff for the house.

Encourage them to save to buy a place of their own. Matching their savings, euro for euro, is a good idea if you can afford it. (Again, parental assistance should not be at the expense of necessary parental pension provision, or - worse still - equity release from the family home.) If they do want to move out and rent, crunch the numbers with them and show how that eats into savings potential and lengthens the time before they can buy. Then it's their choice.

And instil the idea that what you're now doing for them, should hopefully allow them to do likewise for their children (your grandchildren) when that time comes.

Finally, tell them what provisions you've made in your wills and give them an idea of what they might expect to get - hopefully in many decades time!
 
I think most of us would like our adult children around us for a variety of reasons preferably with their own front door. It's great to be able to help them achieve this goal as alot of parents are doing this today.

If they do continue to live in the family home helping out with bills etc. this becomes part of their education.The issue of independence should always be on the agenda.
It would appear from most of the comments that we all think much the same. It really depends on what stage we are at in life.
 
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