Kids- how many are enough? (not whether to start)

Oh to have the luxury of choice.

I have 2 kids both adopted. When we were first married we thought we'd have 5 or 6 kids but it wasn't to be and now 2 is enough for me, but I'm 40 now and don't have the same energy I had in my 20s. Still if another one or two landed in my lap I'd be delighted.

In my opinion if you have to put this much thought into the decision then you don't want it enough and shouldn't bother having another baby. If you really want one then there is no choice to be made.
 
gabsdot said:
In my opinion if you have to put this much thought into the decision then you don't want it enough and shouldn't bother having another baby. If you really want one then there is no choice to be made.
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I know what you mean in that if you have an overwhelming urge to have another then (bar any blindingly obvious impediment) you just go for it, fair enough. But I dont think it necessarily follows that if you have to think about it it means you shouldnt.

It reminds me of that awful eejit of a bishop, cant remember his name (theres been a few) who said "the planned child is an unloved child", or words to that effect. I'd say a few social workers could inform him of the proportion of neglected or unloved children resulting from this darned planning ... down with this sort of thing indeed:rolleyes:.

Few of the worlds problems are as of a result of over thought or overplanning (& I'm an overthinker anyway so its not very telling that I'm overthinking this). But yeah, if you're half trying convince yourself then you're lukewarm - however on the 70/30 principle if herself said she wanted #3 I'd say "brace yourself Nora" (not her real name)
 
gabsdot said:
Oh to have the luxury of choice.

I have 2 kids both adopted.
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But you did have a choice and fair play to you. Plenty un-wanted children born into this world - your children are lucky because they are in a home where the parents went out of their way to adopt them.
 
Staples said:
Why? Have they nobody else they could fall out with?
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This guy was from large family himself and I suppose he was looking at the benefits of having many siblings as he got older and his own parents past on.
Maybe he had the rose tinted glasses on as I know plenty of people with large families and not everyoen gets on.
 
this is something i've been thinking about lately, still early days for me, just got married and this month we've started to try for a baby.
my husband has always said he's love 3+ children whereas i'd be happy with 2. we come from families of these numbers so i think this could have something to do with it!
one reason i'd be reluctant to have more than 2 is i know lots of friends and families (husband's included) where there are more than two children and there is always an outsider. Inevitably two out of three/four/five will get on better with each other and it means some are left out.
then again large families can make it easier in terms of family responsibilites/caring for ageing parents etc the effects of which can't be underestimated.
 
Complainer said:
This post is about a million miles off the mark. Please do some research about adoption in Ireland.
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Complainer, What are you on about?

I'm suggesting adopting unwanted children before adding to the population.

and what makes you think I haven't researched adoption in Ireland or intercountry?


It would be fantastic if more people adopted or fostered..
 
Niallers said:
Complainer, What are you on about?

I'm suggesting adopting unwanted children before adding to the population.

and what makes you think I haven't researched adoption in Ireland or intercountry?


It would be fantastic if more people adopted or fostered..
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Have you any idea of the cost, time, stress, bureacracy and dissapointment that is involved in adopting today? There are a tiny number of children available for adoption in Ireland today. So any adoptive parents are forced to go abroad, and take a very long and very expensive journey.
 
Complainer said:
Have you any idea of the cost, time, stress, bureacracy and dissapointment that is involved in adopting today? There are a tiny number of children available for adoption in Ireland today. So any adoptive parents are forced to go abroad, and take a very long and very expensive journey.
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Just to put some 'real' numbers on this - was speaking to a couple over the weekend who adopted a foreign child.

They looked into adopting in Ireland, in the year in which they began their investigation there were 2 adoptions in Ireland that year.

To go through the adoption process it took them 5 years, and cost roughly 20K. They opted for a baby, had they gone for an older child it could have taken longer. A month after they got their baby girl the country they adopted from closed its foreign adoption agreement with Ireland meaning anyone else on the list would have now gone back to the start of another list - so you could be 5 years in and then suddenly have to go back to a point 3 years earlier.
They went through a massive amount of red tape, bureacracy, had every area of their lives examined and questioned, and flew back and forth to the country in question a couple of times during the process. It was not easy.

They are, of course, delighted with their new daughter - but it was an arduous journey for them. Its not an easy road.
 
truthseeker said:
They looked into adopting in Ireland, in the year in which they began their investigation there were 2 adoptions in Ireland that year.
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Not many children come up for adoption in Ireland. That number could be hugely boosted (in theory by nearly 5000 each year) but that would require a change in mindset. I'm sure there would be many frustrated couples only to happy to adopt in Ireland.
 
I thought it was virtually impossible to adopt an irish child as children are not given up for adoption in this country any more.
 
michaelm said:
That number could be hugely boosted (in theory by nearly 5000 each year) but that would require a change in mindset. I'm sure there would be many frustrated couples only to happy to adopt in Ireland.
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What 'change in mindset' did you have in mind?
 
Complainer said:
What 'change in mindset' did you have in mind?
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I gather they might be talking about abortions which, if "coverted" to adoptions might help couples in Ireland seeking to adopt.

If we get onto that topic this thread will never return to its source, so (though I'm probably more guilty than most of sending threads off topic) does anyone want to start an Adoption Issues thread where all such can be discussed?
 
michaelm said:
Not many children come up for adoption in Ireland. That number could be hugely boosted (in theory by nearly 5000 each year) but that would require a change in mindset. I'm sure there would be many frustrated couples only to happy to adopt in Ireland.
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How would it be boosted?
There are a number of private inter-family adoptions in Ireland each year (an aunt adopting a niece type of thing) but due to the change in social acceptance and removal of 'shame' as an unmarried mother, children just dont tend to come up for adoption in Ireland anymore.

I know a number of Irish adults who were adopted as children - everyone one of them who has checked into their background was adopted as the result of being born to an unmarried mother - but thats a social norm these days and not a reason to be put up for adoption.
 
Have 2 boys aged 4 & 5 and we are trying for 1 more child (Mrs would love a girl), I really don't mind which sex once they're healthy etc.
Some very good points made by 'thedaras' earlier, though I think the joy of adding another child to our family would easily outweigh the inconveniences.
 
Not to mention the mother who spoke about after having 3 disappointments - she finally had a baby girl (and all within earshot of the 3 "disappointments"). ?
 
Have 2 girls, 3 years and 4 weeks respectively. Would love to have a little lad but given that the second one only arrived 4 weeks ago it might be a bit early to open 'negotiations'. Still being threatened with a meat cleaver by some wild, sleep deprived-woman at least 3 times per night!!! :eek:
 
Still being threatened with a meat cleaver by some wild, sleep deprived-woman at least 3 times per night!!! :eek:[/QUOTE]



:D
 
Ciaraella said:
this is something i've been thinking about lately, still early days for me, just got married and this month we've started to try for a baby.
my husband has always said he's love 3+ children whereas i'd be happy with 2. we come from families of these numbers so i think this could have something to do with it!
one reason i'd be reluctant to have more than 2 is i know lots of friends and families (husband's included) where there are more than two children and there is always an outsider. Inevitably two out of three/four/five will get on better with each other and it means some are left out.
then again large families can make it easier in terms of family responsibilites/caring for ageing parents etc the effects of which can't be underestimated.
Click to expand...


Wait till you have your first one then you might have a better idea if you want anymore ;)
 
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