Is my child maintenance fair?

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Not knowing her side of things, and going on what you said above:

The average maintenance awarded by the court (per child) is €65, up to a max of 150 per week. They very rarely award the higher figure. OP said he's paying 130 per week plus half of all medical and school costs etc. That sounds fair (based on the going rates) Go to court. Highly unlikely she'd get anything else awarded I'd say. The court also will not look kindly on her stopping you seeing the children. They are the important ones in this. You are much better off getting a court ordered maintenance amount and access to the kids. if she stops you seeing them in the future, then she will be in breech of the court order, and you can bring her back to court (no solicitor needed).

By the way, you don't need a solicitor. I have been in court and many couples go in by themselves. But the first once or twice it would be helpful, even just to go see a solicitor and get their feedback on where you stand. She'll probably apply for free legal aid.

What you will need is:
  • Bank statements showing all your income and then receipted outgoings. (She will be asked for the same).
  • Keep a list of any dates she has stopped you seeing the children.
  • Detail to the judge the current informal arrangement and how long it has been going on for and what arrangement you are looking for going forward. The courts do prefer you to work this out yourselves, but in this case, it sounds like that's not going to happen.
  • Don't bring anything up about drug usage unless you have absolute proof. if you request receipted expenses and she is indeed spending €100+pw on drugs, the judge will see that gaping hole.
 
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With the safety of the children in mind, go to court with the suspicions you have of
  • Rent arrears, risking the children not having a home
  • Car not taxed and insured (photograph the discs on the windscreen)
  • Drug taking (the judge can order a drug-screen)
  • Illegal denial of access to your children.
If all your suspicions / allegations are upheld, the chances are you will be awarded full-time custody of your children and all payments by you to your former partner will cease. They will then be better off, have a stable, drug-free home life and be safer.

However I suspect this may not be the outcome you and your new partner want.
 
Just an update.

@AppleSun
Still no access since I last posted, court applications have been sent in by me for access, maintenance and guardianship to get it all sorted out once and for all. I received legal advice from my solicitor on what course of action to take and I also met with a single parents group and got some information and insight into both sides of the single parents argument. I'm going to take a solicitor in with me this time and in the future I'll probably just go it alone.

@mathepac
I would love to have custody of my kids. My partner is mad about them, we have discussed what would happen of I were to get custody and the mutual decision is that they would live with us. But I don't think it will be easy to get full custody as a Father in Ireland. Perhaps now that we are going down the court route that I can work my way up to split custody.

@Thirsty
In your very first comment are you calling me an asshole or the ex you are dealing with. If it was directed at me, I wouldn't need rent allowance if I had custody. I am already going down the hard way by being blackmailed by my ex into paying her more maintenance while she won't allow me see the kids. I cannot afford to pay her €250 a week, that is just madness!

@epicaricacy
50 to 150 a week on weed is not a cheap drug problem. Just because she isn't addicted to heroin doesn't make it any less of a drug problem. Perhaps services are under staffed, it still doesn't take from the fact that it is an illegal substance. Also I do not have "faux" concern for my kids! This is also not the first time that the weed/car/rent problems have been brought up.

I will post an update again when I get a court date and after court to give an idea on what has been decided.
 
@Inserteneo Her stopping you seeing the children will really not go in her favour when she gets to court. Is there anything your solicitor can do in the meantime? i.e. solicitors letter to her, in order to restart access to the kids. Family court is every 2 or 3 months right so might be a while before you get an appointment? Has she got a solicitor yet? As I mentioned, Document your attempts to request access to the children, and her reply, dates etc. Once you have your access order in Place, she will be unable to stop you seeing them.
 
Inserteneo said:
Just an update.


@epicaricacy
50 to 150 a week on weed is not a cheap drug problem. Just because she isn't addicted to heroin doesn't make it any less of a drug problem. Perhaps services are under staffed, it still doesn't take from the fact that it is an illegal substance. Also I do not have "faux" concern for my kids! This is also not the first time that the weed/car/rent problems have been brought up.
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50 Euros per week is an extremely cheap drug 'problem'.

'Just because she isn't addicted to heroin doesn't make it any less of a problem' - It's difficult to know whether you're being deliberatley obtuse to suit your agenda (which seems to involve problematizing your ex-partner's behaviour) or if you're entirely ignorant of the nature of addiction / casual drug usage. Either way, you're heading for trouble with this approach. It's important to step away from your own anger and to check the optics of your approach. In other words, is it possible re. drug accusations etc. that a judge will view you as being a disputatious, untrustworthy and adversarial character who's primary motivation seems to involve causing massive reputational damage to the mother of his children to suit his own narrow ends?

It's interesting that you never dealt with Bronte's question re. your ex-partner losing her rent allowance if she were to secure employment. The reality is that she would and as a result she would be worse off financially.
 
epicaricacy said:
50 Euros per week is an extremely cheap drug 'problem'...
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Not necessarily. If that amount of money is being used by a person in straitened circumstances to buy illegal drugs, or legal ones for that matter, and as a consequence, the rent remains unpaid, the car remains untaxed or uninsured or other responsibilities are neglected, then for that person and the 50 quid a week is a serious problem.

When dealing with addiction, the focus has to be on the consequences of the drugging / drinking / gambling for the individual, their family and society generally.

Chemical Dependency 101.
 
mathepac said:
Not necessarily. If that amount of money is being used by a person in straitened circumstances to buy illegal drugs, or legal ones for that matter, and as a consequence, the rent remains unpaid, the car remains untaxed or uninsured or other responsibilities are neglected, then for that person and the 50 quid a week is a serious problem.

When dealing with addiction, the focus has to be on the consequences of the drugging / drinking / gambling for the individual, their family and society generally.

Chemical Dependency 101.
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The whole 'addiction issue' seems like a red herring to me. Is it likely that an ex looking for increased maintenance will admit to the person she's demanding it from that she's smoking it up? I doubt it somehow. Besides, I don't believe the poster in the first place. How can he possibly know that she's smoking weed and how much she's smoking? Have dealers started issuing receipts all of a sudden?

'When dealing with addiction ...consequences ....generally' - The reality is that treatment centres - as suggested by the poster - aren't the places to deal with people who smoke a couple of joints in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Rehabilitation Centres are for people with serious addiction disorders and the waiting lists for most of these centres are interminable.

Is it even remotely plausible that a judge would grant joint or sole custody because of an unproveable allegation of substance misuse by one party against the other. How about the idea that the judge will force the ex into a rehabilitation centre that conveniently runs a programme from Thursday to Monday to seek treatment for addiction? After all, the poster's mother's timetable has to be accommodated!!!!

What is the poster's solicitor thinking?????????????
 
@AppleSun
I sent 2 letters, an email and a short text message requesting access but I never got a reply. My solicitor also sent a letter to her last week but again there was no reply.

@Thirsty
I wouldn't need 24 hour child care. Just after school on a Tuesday & Wednesday evening. I only work 3 and 4 days a week, and thankfully my mother can do 1-2 days a week if needed.

@mathepac & @epicaricacy
In regards to the drugs. When we were together although the relationship in general wasn't exactly smooth sailing it was tolerable, major problems didn't start arising until the last 2 years when the weed smoking started. At first it was as epicaricacy said, in the evenings when the kids went to bed. It over time became more regular, it turned her into a very irrational and irritable person that was impossible to stay with. When we were together she would easily anywhere from €50 to €150 depending what was happening that week. I know she is still smoking it as upon dropping the kids home from access a while back I seen her in her front garden smoking, you can't miss the smell of it! I picked it up and it was a joint, I confronted her over it later on in the week when I was dropping down maintenance, her reply was "so what, it's none of your business what I do."

Perhaps I was naive to think that there would be a possibility of attending rehab, I have spoken to the solicitor about the drugs and she said it will be hard to prove unless she voluntarily submits to a drugs test or the judge orders one.
 
I wouldn't need 24 hour child care.
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Oh for the love of Mike.... you are getting 24 hour child care at present!

Like talking to a brick wall here... forget the 'drugs' issue, you may or may not agree with it, but it's going nowhere. You haven't a snowballs chance in hell of proving her to be an unfit parent based on what you are saying here, so forget that line, you'll get nowhere.

Your big gripe (like so many estranged parents) is that you perceive some of your maintenance is going towards supporting your children's primary carer, their mom.

So ask yourself this question, if she wasn't caring for them (24 hours a day remember), and thereby freeing you up to work, who would?

Oh I would, he says... but then tells us you'd continue your job, so now you've to pay for childcare, and you don't have your evenings free anymore, and only every second weekend free. You'll need to move out and find a home to rent, forget the saving E150 a week towards a deposit. You'll need to allow for time off when the children get sick (as they do regularly) and then there's the dentist appointments, doctors appointments, meetings with teachers. Taking them to and from various after-school activities, play dates with their friends, sleepovers, birthday parties.

So here's the bottom line... you are getting your children reared cheap, by someone who loves them, at precious little inconvenience to you.

If your family was still together, would you honestly begrudge a single penny to make them happy?
 
@Thirsty
They are my kids, I have absolutely no problem having them take up my evenings and weekends, before the access was stopped I would have them 2-3 days and nights a week anyway. As I said before I work shift 3 and 4 days rotating each week so I would have no problem with appointments, I have never missed a parent teacher meeting and I am the one who usually brings them to activities.

Also like I said I would only need after school care on a Tuesday & Wednesday, which would only be 6 hours a week that need to be covered that would have to be paid for.

To me it seems like you think I don't want to have my kids, I would love to be allowed to have my kids fulltime, and yes of course I would continue working to provide for them. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do along with giving them a loving and caring home to live in?

I am more than happy to pay my fair share to raise my kids, and I feel that €150 per week which is €650 a month is more than enough. Also don't forget that I am splitting the school/medical/dental/chritmas expenses also.
 
To me it seems like you think I don't want to have my kids
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Well in your very first post you refer to "the mother of the 2 children"... in an effort to distance yourself.

I would love to be allowed to have my kids fulltime
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Most unlikely to happen; let it go.

€150 per week
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that's €75 per child.
..is more than enough..
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It isn't, but hey you're not listening to anything else that's being said.

I am splitting the school/medical/dental/chritmas expenses also
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Why not tot up the average of these over the year and add it to the normal maintenance, it would be easier to manage for both of you.

[broken link removed]
 
Inserteneo said:
@Thirsty

Also like I said I would only need after school care on a Tuesday & Wednesday, which would only be 6 hours a week that need to be covered that would have to be paid for.

What about during Summer (8 weeks and 12 weeks in secondary school), Christmas (3 weeks), Easter Holidays (2 weeks), Mid-Term Breaks (2 weeks)? How about when they are sick? Are you expecting your mother to provide all of this free of charge indefinitely into the future?
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from eumom.ie:

In Dublin, Cork and most parts of Galway and Limerick urban areas, a childminders rates are the following: (guideline only)

Full time €5-€6.50 per hour, daily rate €50 (my emphasis) for one child Part time / after school (incl. school collections) €5-€6.50 ph., daily rate €25 For a second child (sibling), most childminders offer a discount bringing the hourly rate to €8 per hour

A lot of minders provide food and a lot don’t, there seems to be no general rule of thumb but you should expect to pay more for a minder who provides meals

Childminders should be paid 52 weeks of the year and for bank holidays unless there is an extended break, e.g. families who don’t require their minder for the duration of the summer

Childminders are self-employed and are therefore responsible for paying their own taxes

Some childminders charge minimum wage of €8.65 - See more at: [broken link removed]
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So we were in court the other day.

We were in for Access & Maintenance. Access was sorted on the day and I got very good access. Maintenance was adjourned as there is an issue with my work at the moment. However the judge said I have been very fair with my payments but would look into it in more detail in two weeks time when we are back in court and the work issue has been sorted.

I brought up the issue in regards to the weed and the judge disregarded it because there was not enough evidence. Had a chat with her after the court and she said that she hasn't been smoking it for the last few months, that she had quit, I hope she has and I hope it's the end of it.
 
Hi Inserteno, i'm v interested to hear how the judge was towards you? Did he award an increase in maintenance?
 
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