Is it appropriate to appoint a friend to negotiate with mortgage provider?

Is it possible for my wife and I to appoint a friend to negotiate with our mortgage provider on our behalf?

Yes. However you should attend all meetings, to ensure that you are fully aware of what is being discussed. You can state that you are too stressed to discuss the position directly with the Bank.
Unless this individual is a professional (ie accountant/solicitor etc) I would be reluctant to give him/her any authority to act on your behalf.

Of course it's possible, better to have someone competent to speak to the banks if you feel unable, unsure, lack confidence. It is not easy to deal with banks. But as previous poster stated, attend the meeting with the banks and let your friend do the talking/negotiating if that is what you want. Also agree everything in advance. And you can run some of the issues on here for more advice. Have you tried Mabs?

Last meeting with the bank was an absolute disaster. I could not attend so my wife went alone. She was interviewed by a panal of men, with no woman present. She felt somewhat intimidated.

She is refusing to attend future meetings. I on the other hand am a nervous wreck and half the man I was before.

We feel it is in both our interest to appoint somebody with a clear thinking head that can negotiate on our behalf.

I am glad to hear that we can appoint this friend as our negotiator. We were under the illusion that the bank would only deal with the loan holders.

Don't be intimidated by Bank meeting. I'm frequently on the other side of these meetings and the whole purpose of them is to discuss the clients finances and attempt to reach an agreement that both the Bank and the client can live with. Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, you can come accross some personality types, who are not fully courteous and professional with clients. In that event, you should always state your dissatisfaction and if necessary write a leter of complaint to the Bank.
What happened in the past and who's to blame should not be primary issues for discussion at these meetings. The main issue to to identify the extent of the problem and how it can be addressed.
A client can only pay what he/she can afford after meeting standard living expenses and threats will not increase this amount. Be open and honest in your dealings and maintain your dignity. Most of us can empathise with your circumstances and are not there to allocate blame.
Please try to attend the meetings yourself. It is important that you are fully aware of what is discussed. By all means bring your friend to negotiate & support you, if this helps.
Try to keep your spirits up. despite all the doom and gloom, it's only money and these problems can all be dealt with. Best of luck

Boomtobust said:

Last meeting with the bank was an absolute disaster. I could not attend so my wife went alone. She was interviewed by a panal of men, with no woman present. She felt somewhat intimidated.

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Well I can certainly emphatise with that. It's only natural. A room full of male Bankers is not going to be easy for any woman, and doubly so if you are the only women. If you're not used to this scenario, office meetings, boardroom meetings, office gung ho attitude.

But it was not done on purpose, no doubt the bankers themselves have no concept of how intimidating it can be.

The aim of this is that you and your wife deal with your financial problems, the aim of the meeting is that you and the bank come to the best solution for all.

Both you and your wife are going to have to try and grasp this nettle. If you need someone there, then do that. But whatever you do be there. Just by being there you put yourself in control of your own destiny. After all this is far more important to you than the bankers. They are just pen pushers, they have a job to do for the bank. But they are also presumable realistic.

Were there more than 2 bankers at the meeting with your wife. If more, I'd ask and explain why (that it's unconfortable etc) to the bank that you'd like a meeting but with no more than 2 bankers, that's more easily dealable with.

You need to be ready for a meeting. You do this by preparing everything in advance, write it down the points you want to make, have realistic proposals, I presume the bank will listen to anything that will solve the situation. Have all your figures worked out.

Not sure how complex your issues are, and if you want to divulge them on AAM. But if you do maybe you'll get some good advice. Some posters say they've received help on here and better some help than none at all. Sometimes others can point out the obvious to those who are too close to the story.

One thing positive I see is that the bank want to talk to you, so they must think there is a solution possible.

Firstly let me declare that as a former banker that I represent clients in a professional capacity as a financial mediator, in my experience a third party that is independent but who has experience of both sides adds considerable value to the debtor, asking a friend to step up is worthwhile just make sure that your friend is competent, Banks are governed in various ways and your friend needs to know the do's and don't but they do tend to treat the Consumer Protection Code ( CPC ) with respect, if all parties understand the process and each others needs and requirements then for the most part there can be consensus as to the future for the bank / customer relationship.

Your friend must do an impartial analysis and understand how you got to this position, there are steps that must be respected on all sides to ensure you get the best outcome, in my view a mediation works if it means less or preferably no conflict, additionally your friend must be prepared to engage for some period of time, most of my cases go on at least six months and the Banks I have worked with do back away when a competent third party steps in, it has been my experience that a third party is welcomed provided that each party understands their role and that honesty and integrity is respected.

So to sum up you go for it, done right it can only help, good luck with your situation.