Last meeting with the bank was an absolute disaster. I could not attend so my wife went alone. She was interviewed by a panal of men, with no woman present. She felt somewhat intimidated.
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Well I can certainly emphatise with that. It's only natural. A room full of male Bankers is not going to be easy for any woman, and doubly so if you are the only women. If you're not used to this scenario, office meetings, boardroom meetings, office gung ho attitude.
But it was not done on purpose, no doubt the bankers themselves have no concept of how intimidating it can be.
The aim of this is that you and your wife deal with your financial problems, the aim of the meeting is that you and the bank come to the best solution for all.
Both you and your wife are going to have to try and grasp this nettle. If you need someone there, then do that. But whatever you do be there. Just by being there you put yourself in control of your own destiny. After all this is far more important to you than the bankers. They are just pen pushers, they have a job to do for the bank. But they are also presumable realistic.
Were there more than 2 bankers at the meeting with your wife. If more, I'd ask and explain why (that it's unconfortable etc) to the bank that you'd like a meeting but with no more than 2 bankers, that's more easily dealable with.
You need to be ready for a meeting. You do this by preparing everything in advance, write it down the points you want to make, have realistic proposals, I presume the bank will listen to anything that will solve the situation. Have all your figures worked out.
Not sure how complex your issues are, and if you want to divulge them on AAM. But if you do maybe you'll get some good advice. Some posters say they've received help on here and better some help than none at all. Sometimes others can point out the obvious to those who are too close to the story.
One thing positive I see is that the bank want to talk to you, so they must think there is a solution possible.