In a (non financial) rut!

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Re: your life

Hi SPQR,

For what its worth here are some of things I would consider:

I would also recommend you look into NLP, as we as a human race know very little about our biggest asset, our minds. Throw yourself into learning all about.

I seem to remember reading something on this site about Life coaches, some of these can help you uncover what you want out of life.

Maybe look at some of the Holistic practices that are all the rage, Yoga, Pilates, Holistic health, as these can help get the body and mind working better.

Begin something, finish it, enjoy the satisfaction of completing something, and move on to your next item.

They seem like quite simple suggestions, and from reading your posts you seem to have a major problem, but sometimes making a little change can make the difference.

I hope that something that somebody posts on this site helps you. All the best
 
Re: your life - career change

Hi SPQR,

If you are posting your predicament on this forum then you must have an avid interest in personal finance?

You seem to have your own financial house in order and I think that if you put your mind to it you would be well suited in giving advice to others.

Just a suggestion, but the satisfaction derived from knowing that you have helped someone else (even though they might not realise it for some time) to prudently secure their future might just bring you to that 'high' that seems to be eluding you.
 
NLP

SPQR

I hope you will treat the well-meant recommendations of NLP or any other therapy with scepticism. The scientific record shows it to be ineffective. Here is what quackwatch says about it:

Neurolinguistic Programming
Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) is a variable system of procedures purported to enable people to communicate more effectively and influence others. It is said to involve modifying the patterns or "programming" created by interactions among the brain (neuro), language (linguistic), and the body that produce both effective and ineffective behavior. Proponents claim that NLP has cured phobias, allergies, and other problems in one or a few brief sessions. Its core postulates are: (a) people are most influenced by messages that reflect how they internally represent whatever they are doing; and (b) this representation is reflected by eye-gaze patterns, posture, tone of voice, and language patterns. The internal representation can be visual (picturing what they are involved with), auditory (hearing it sounded out), or can involve other senses. Proponents claim, for example, that a someone experiencing a mental image might use the words "I see," whereas someone in an auditory mode might say "that sounds right to me. Scientific studies have demonstrated no correlation between eye movements and visual imagery, reported thoughts, or language choices. A National Research Council committee has found no significant evidence that NLP's theories are sound or that its practices are effective [19].
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Some of my friends involved in the area have recommended cognitive therapy and it gets a sort of thumbs up from Quackwatch.

Brendan
 
Re: NLP

I agree with Brendan on NLP.

Interesting the assumptions people make. I, for example, immediately assumed you were male. As always, assumptions tell more about the one doing the assuming!
 
Re: NLP

Oops, sorry Brendan, didn't mean to cast aspersions about your secret life as Brenda :eek:

Actually my second comment was about SPQR's response to a previos poster who had assumed s/he was female
Oh - and by the way, you are way off the mark with some of the assumptions you make about my situation.
Click to expand...

I was just thinking aloud how I had come to exactly the opposite conclusion but had access to exactly the same information.

tedd
 
Re: NLP

I don't understand. I am male.

Thanks again for the advice.
 
.

Have you been doing something (which occupied a lot of your time) up until recently which you have since stopped doing?

Whether it be employment or a hobby etc?
 
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Hi Sean, no - the situation that you describe does not apply in my case and there has been no major change in circumstances recently.
 
Comment

Hi SPQR,
I feel like you describe from time to time, I solve this by simply blocking my mind from anything but immediate thoughts, what's the next task at work, what I'm having for dinner ect. turn off the car Radio/ don't read the newspapers/don't listen to the news & don't look at my bigger picture basically, this works well for me, clears my mind and helps me refocus on important issues.
 
RE: Comment

Thanks DAC - thanks for the tip. The more I read and evaluate the situation the more simple, common sense strategies such as the one you mention seem to make sense. Perhaps we (I!) sometimes make life more complicated than it is or needs to be ...?
 
That's Life

Hi SPQR

I think most people get into a rut from time to time; it's certainly happened to me on more than one occasion.

Sometimes something external happens to get you out of the rut; other times you have to haul yourself up by your bootstraps (a lot easier said than done). Advice such as "pull yourself together" does not generally help in such circumstances.

Most of the advice you have been given has been quite sensible and practical. Sometimes it is just a simple matter of doing one thing at a time. It is very easy to become overwhelmed and feel that we just can't cope with everything that life has thrown at us.

There are lots of coping strategies. One is to deal with the most difficult/troubling task first, thereby freeing your mind from having it hanging over you. This has worked for me on occasion, but other times you need to start with baby steps. I've been told that even something as simple as doing a physical activity such as tidying your desk or just bending over and picking something up off the floor can get you started again.

Having said all this, it won't solve the probem if you are in wrong job to begin with. It doesn't sound like this is the case in relation to your specific situation, but you might find it useful to assess whether you are in the right job by using the techniques employed in the book " What Color Is Your Parachute", which should be available from most bookshops. I'm aware that both IMI and Chrysalis have run courses based on this book in the past.

You could also try reading some books on the general subject of self management. I recently read a book by Dale Carnegie (author of "How to Win Friends and Influence People") that was written in the 1950s and it amazed me how much of what he said still rings true in the 2000s. Another writer with a lot of wisdom is Stephen Covey, author of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People".

You may not agree with everything these people have to say, but there is a lot of common sense in there and you are almost certain to find something that is helpful to you.

The best of luck and I hope you find your way out of your present impasse.

Regards
Homer
 
RE: A thought

Homer - thanks for the useful advice. As I mentioned above I think that this sort of common sense approach is probably the most effective in spite of it perhaps seeming so obvious!

Aisling - thanks for the tip but I am not religious so I'm afraid that website doesn't do much for me. However maybe somebody else will find it useful.
 
In a rut

SPQR and everyone else

You could try here for some interesting reading. I don't know mush about it but I heard an interview with the guy who wrote book no 3 (I think!). Sounded interesting.

Or for a real blast of the believe in yourself/ you are great appraoch you could also try some of the Tony Buzan books. I would reccomed Head First and Head Strong as good reads. Not sure of the correct order.

Go easy

Nogser
 
Re: In a rut

Hi SPQR

I have to say that I'm in a similar position to yourself in that I'm in a bit of a rut myself. I'm in my 40's, financially secure with a decent job and a family but somethings missing.

The conclusion I've come to is that what is missing in our lives is fun, laughter and a good carry on. My advice to you is to try to find someone extroverted who is not so self conscious as we might be and get out there. Their fun laughter and spontaneity will rub off on you (as it has on me). My experience is that following a night out like that, I feel so much happier and settled. If it helps, try to get a weekend away with that person and partner. It always acts as a tonic for me.

HTH
Stephen
 
Re: In a rut

I want to reply to this but I'm not sure if what I want to say will come accross correctly. Anyway here we go. I'm in my 20's and too have experienced this feeling. I think of it as the calm before the storm. At first you feel fed up, stuck in a rut, no challenge, no energy to challenge. Its like you are forced mentaly into a period of reflection, weighing up the options. You are on the look out for "something" mentaly. I think in turn this leads to then a decision (the biggest and hardest part of growing and developing) and then you move on from the stagnant frame of mind you had previously. Its like when we are teenagers, if we didn't have the awkward struggle we all experience with our parents we would never move on to adulthood and our own independence, because our parents would never let us, am I making sense?. Going through a phase of personal change and the struggles involved with that, it sounds very normal to me. Just because you are 40 or there abouts doesn't mean you cant keep growing and developing. Anyway just my thoughts, best of luck.
 
how are things?

Hi SPQR,
how have you been doing? I just read your posts today, and maybe all is hunky dory since, that'd be great. If not, I was wondering if life coaching would be helpful, as I understand cognitive therapy is very suitable for depression and as you seemed to be suffering a whiff of it again, I wondered if the practical support of life coaching would be useful. There are websites you could look at if to get an idea of what it involves.
 
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