Getting married - wife keeping maiden name

Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

In America they had a tradition of surnames becoming first names so that a name wouldn't die out,like Blake and morgan for example.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I wouldn't like to drop my surname, and I would like my kids to have it cause I'm the only boy in the family, but my gf is from a family with no boys and she has mentioned from time to time that she would like to carry her fathers surname forward so a clash looks to be inevitable! If it does come down to it, it won't put a strain on our relationship as we both understand the others perspective, but we also both want to make our Daddy's proud!. I suppose its engrained in our dna, so i guess i am an outright traditionalist.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name


Any chance you can double barrell? Im not a fan (normally) of double barrelling but this sounds like a situation where it is warranted.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

No I hate double barrell, we're not putting pressure on each other and i suppose we could just run with our own surnames and divide up the kids!

I guess we can only really decide when it comes down to the crunch, my only worry is I've yet to win an argument
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Caveat said:
I for one, honestly wouldn't be bothered - as long as there was a logical/good reason to do so.
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well whats the logical reason for a woman taking the mans name???
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Don't forget that even apart from a marriage situation you can [broken link removed].
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

foxylady said:
well whats the logical reason for a woman taking the mans name???
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Well generally none - but see my post above: We at least had our own logic for sticking with my surname.

I suppose I'm saying that for me, if my partner really wanted to use her surname, there would have to be a good reason. In our case, my above points would probably still apply.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I would never change my name on marriage, since I just dont see the point in it.

It also sounds like it would give rise to so much administrative hassle and confusion. You would have to change all your credit cards, passport, driving license, bank details etc to your married name. When you loose your wallet its such a pain having to update all your documents, so I would never volunteer to do it.
Also, do people change all their logins to on-line accounts, like Gmail, Amazon, RyanAir, downloading music etc? (my login is always the initial of my first name, followed by my surname). I cant imagine the hassle of changing all my weblogins and email addresses.
If you dont change them all, you need to remember which login has your maidan and which has your married name.
It just sounds like a logistical nightmare having two names.

Having said that, if I was married, and someone referred to me as Mrs Married Name (like on a hotel reservation etc), I wouldnt mind.

Funnily enough, nearly all my friends have changed their names on marriage, though I would never have thought them to be that traditional.
My sister and sister-in-law didnt change their names, and they haven't encountered any problems with their children having a different name to them.

In spain its a bit more equal - the children take the surname of both parents. So everyone in spain has a double barrelled surname, reflecting both their parents.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name


what have elderly relatives go to do with what your wife decides to call herself and what would you think would be a good reason???
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name


Above in bold were our 'good reasons' - may not be everyone's good reasons. By older relatives I mean not rocking the boat - they were, I should say, my wife's elderly relatives so that's what it has to do with 'what she decides to call herself' - it was her idea not to upset their traditional sensibilities and to take the line of least resistance!
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name


Fair enough but when you say "Don't know about the 'putting the foot down' bit but if the other half really wanted to keep her own name I'd want to know exactly why I suppose..."
Why would you need a reason ?
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

In my experiance changing my name on passport/drivers licence etc etc was very straightforward. However, I didn't try, and I'm pretty sure it's impossible, to change your name on qualifications (degrees etc.) which can make it practical to keep your maiden name professionaly.

BTW, who here is married to a wive???
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

foxylady said:
Fair enough but when you say "Don't know about the 'putting the foot down' bit but if the other half really wanted to keep her own name I'd want to know exactly why I suppose..."
Why would you need a reason ?
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Well the 'putting the foot down' reference was not my phrase - paraphrasing the OP's comment.

I just mean I would need some reason - e.g. feminist beliefs/don't like your name/love my own name...other than just e.g. "I'm keeping my name" "Fair enough" discussion over. In our case, we discussed the using of my surname and came to the conclusion that it's what we would do.

I suppose I'm saying that some decisions can be made out of stubbornness dressed up as 'principles' or because it is fashionable. Not I hasten to add applicable in our case or perhaps not in the cases that Elefantfresh referred to, but it can happen.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Vanilla said:
If you have children, do you care what surname they will have? Just out of curiousity.
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To be honest, No.
I have an unusual surname and my wife has a common enough surname. When (if) we eventually have children I will allow her name them. She will have carried them for 9 months and went through the pain of labour so she can decide the christian name and the surname (be it mine or hers).

However, I would just ask that she keeps the surname the same for all the kids
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

.She will have carried them for 9 months and went through the pain of labour so she can decide the christian name and the surname (be it mine or hers)
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Women seem to a bit of a monopoly in this department (not complaining here), but surely it is a decision that both parents should share together
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

MrMan said:
Women seem to a bit of a monopoly in this department (not complaining here), but surely it is a decision that both parents should share together
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probably... I will have input I suppose but ultimately I will leave the decision up to herself...
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

ragazza said:
In spain its a bit more equal - the children take the surname of both parents. So everyone in spain has a double barrelled surname, reflecting both their parents.
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How does this work? Surely each parent would have 2 surnames as well - does everyone end up with massive long names?
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Dont see the point in changing surnames. i didnt and dont care if people refer to me as Mrs maiden name or Mrs married name, doesnt seem all that important. I dont see why a man would insist on it, i'd be very wary of any man who did.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I think there is something of an automatic assumption by some people ( mostly men but a surprising amount of women also) that there is a legal/social requirement for women to adopt their husbands surname on marriage. It is a rather old fashioned idea ( a bit like referring to a wife as Mrs. Stephen Smith for instance) and possibly stems from the time when a wife was regarded, in law, as a husband's chattel or possession.

It is an old tradition - nothing more or less. There is no legal basis for it at all. I am intrigued by an underlying feeling by some of the posters ( mostly male, I gather) that there would be something odd/unusual/ uncomfortable about a woman choosing to keep her own name on marriage.

I'm more surprised these days at any woman choosing to change her surname on marriage.

mf
 
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