Ex-wife wont allow me me to collect possessions from family Home

The legend, this looks lke a solicitors field day to me, You do know all you are doing is giving her notice to remove anything of value you have in the house.

If there is no barring order on you and its your house you are entitled to be there.

Go down and get your stuff and have no more about it would be my advice.
 
this is a very devious woman, i just want to move on with my life and avoid any hasstle, if i remove my possessions without giving her notice will there be any repocussions ???
 
If she removes my personal effects, before i can go surly she can get in bother,, it states on the order that neither of us can remove items in the house while the order is in effect,
 
i'm sure she is a very devious woman, why not move back in again now that the baring order is over. you need to show her you wont be taken for a fool
 
Get a barring order against her new boyfriend coming anywhere near your house/childen. Will get her attention and make her more willing to compromise.
 
csirl said:
Get a barring order against her new boyfriend coming anywhere near your house/childen. Will get her attention and make her more willing to compromise.
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On what basis? This is a total non-starter.


"Go down and get your stuff and have no more about it would be my advice. "

"i'm sure she is a very devious woman, why not move back in again now that the baring order is over. you need to show her you wont be taken for a fool "

Dreadful, dreadful advice. Only inflames an already appalling situation.

Best advice: try and negotiate. Mediate , if possible.
If that fails, seek a Court Order.

mf
 
If the boyfriend is living their and the wife is in employment, I would keep up half of the payments or more as the wife has to pay for child care.

If you stop making payments, their will come a time, when the children will be evicted from their home. This would make them homeless - you need to think if this is something that you want your kids to go through ?
Also - when the house is sold - if it goes down that road, you can claim more of the profit back if you show proof of payments for the next couple of months/years or you can reduce your end payment total if it is in negative equitity.

I would also insist on the boyfriend handing over rent money and give him a binding contract. Take half of his money out of your share of the mortgage payment. He cant expect to live their scott free. Check and see what the going rate is in your area for renting a room and increase it by a % . If he does not agree, tell him to move out.

Their is two sides to every story, so people should be conscious of making a person out to be of a certain type of character. It is best just to deal with the facts - that is that he wants his posessions.

When one of my family members split from his wife, he made himself out to be the angel in conversations with people, but infact he was the complete opposite. This is no reflection on the poster.
 
Thank you very much for all you advice. Yes you are right, I'm no angel, I do accept I am not completely innocent as far as the separation goes, but as far as the house / property, I left with my clothes and cd's. It wasn't my intention to gain sympathy, just advice, and I do believe I have received some good advice here. Thank you all for the time you have taken to share your advice and wisdom with me
 
mf1 said:
On what basis? This is a total non-starter.
mf
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In a previous post, the OP mentions having the guards present for his protection when going to collect his stuff. So he feels that he is at risk of physical harm. As boyfriend is mentioned in the same post, I am making an educated guess that he would be intimidated by the presence of the boyfriend (could be wrong I admit). If this is the case, then he does have a good reason to get a barring order. A property owner has a right to enter his own property without feeling intimidated.
 
ah no , i dont feel intemidated by the boyfriend, i have never met him at all, i know my ex is trying to have the order extended,(without cause, as we dont even speak to one-another and the only place ive seen her in the last 18 mionths is in a court room ) if i was to walk into the house on my own, she could easly make a report that i intimidated her, or worse!! as she has made false claims in the past to obtain the order , i feel i would be safer with an independent person there such as the guards to ensure nothing kicks off,
 
as she has made false claims in the past to obtain the order
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This is a serious issue - did you ever contest these claims? Surely the interim order would have been lifted immediately if you had contested it? Also, with interim orders, you are usually entitled to compensation for the inconvenience if the order is deemed to be unwarranted.
 
i never contested these claims, while the intrim order was in force, she claimed i spoke to her in an intimidating manner (untrue) so she reported this, while the intrim order was in force. i was arrested and relased and told to leave the house. i was never given an oppertunity to give my side of the story in court, and when she requested a one year barring order (from the home) i aggreed on the advice of my then solisitor. i feel this was bad advice now. i have never been in trouble with the law in my entire life and certainly didnt want a criminal conviction. they agreed that all alligations would be ignored if i agreed to the order. i have not gone near the property and have not spoken to my ex since and now she is looking to have the order extended. i phone my children every evening, and she is claimimg i am swearing and being verbally abusive towards them ( again untrue) this is the angle she is using to atempt to have the order extended. At this stage i just want to get my things. i did make a request 12 minths ago to collect some possessions through a solisitor and was told she wouldnt allow it
 
On what basis wouldn't she allow it? "Fair enough" if she feels threatened with your presence regardless if her allegations are true or not BUT you have a right to your possessions and there are options to deal with it i.e. to refuse it flat is not one of them. What did your solicitor say/ advise? We have a case in the family where his requests have been ignored by her for many months but a very straight to the point letter by his solicitor offering her the option of dealing with the matter in court, helped to arrange a pick up day for him. He gets his stuff next week now. Needless to say he will have two witnesses going with him so he won't be picking up the stuff by himself.
 
i am not threatning or at all intimidating, this was sipmly a ploy to have me evicted, i have never been in a fight in my entire life, or have i ever had any reason for the guards to contact me until this. my solicitor advised me at the time to consent to the order and wait until the order was up to collect my things. my ex is a very determined and strong willed woman .
 
back when i requested my stuff , i compiled a list sent it through the proper channels, and she laughed at it saying "no way". the guards phoned me and told me i wasnt allowed, the guards also told me that once a claim was made re domestic violence against a woman, even though they know its untrue , they have to treat it extreemly carefully as so many women are living in fear of their lives and some even worse. so if they dont treat it seriously and something drastic happens they need to cover their own back sides
 
this is an auwful situation mate i hope you get it resolved with minimum damage, and im speaking form experiance as a former child in a similar situation growing up
 
thelegend said:
my solicitor advised me at the time to consent to the order and wait until the order was up to collect my things. my ex is a very determined and strong willed woman .
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very very bad advise of that solicitor. thank god you got a new one. by consenting to it no court will give you a hearing to defend yourself. just bad but still not a reason to deny you your belongings.
 
thelegend said:
back when i requested my stuff , i compiled a list sent it through the proper channels, and she laughed at it saying "no way". the guards phoned me and told me i wasnt allowed, the guards also told me that once a claim was made re domestic violence against a woman, even though they know its untrue , they have to treat it extreemly carefully as so many women are living in fear of their lives and some even worse. so if they dont treat it seriously and something drastic happens they need to cover their own back sides
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In fairness to the Gardai, they have no option - if the Courts have officially said you are a danger to your ex and have to be kept away from her, then they must enforce this. They have zero lattitude to ignore a court order.

As said by another poster, the big mistake was not contesting the original order - by consenting, you agreed with her view that you are a danger. And if circumstances have not changed since then, she has a very good chance of getting it extended. Not sure how you can overcome this setback, but one option may be to make an inventory of property solely owned by yourself and get agreement that someone appointed by you can call and collect all the items on the list.
 
thelegend said:
i phone my children every evening, and she is claimimg i am swearing and being verbally abusive towards them ( again untrue) this is the angle she is using to atempt to have the order extended.
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If she is lying then you need to cover yourself and record the phone calls.

Can you clarify on what grounds your ex said 'no way' to the list of things you asked for. What was on the list exactly?

Also don't think it is a good idea for you to go to the house in any circumstances. Can you not ask for a mutually agreeable person to collect your belongings. If you've lived without them for a year do you really really need them.

Still don't understand how you agreed to the barring order. Shocking that a solicitor would advice this.
 
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