Ex Girlfriend, Neg equity and trying to get on with life

[truthseeker]

trying to find a place within canals with cark parking under 1k that is nice/decent is very hard imo - don't think i can get much cheaper than want i currently have.

Do you need to live within canals? You could shave a lot off that rent in a nice place a little further out.

so whats the point of continueing paying i keep myself asking... either way, my credit rating is doomed be it now or say in yr or two time...I seem to be between rock and hard place

I think its a temporary rock and hard place. You really need to equalise the situation with the ex to free up some cash immediately. But longer term, there will come a point where this house has equity or can be sold to cover remaining mortgage. So you can work this out over time without destroying your credit rating. But given your changed circumstances, do you want to?

 

[SwordsMan]

Your credit ratings are only stored for 5 years by the ICB. Banks can be very forgiving once circumstances change. Why are you so keen to possibly make the same mistake again though ?

Not so keen to make same mistake again. Just i know i can not rent for the rest of my life and im early 30's now .

Do i rent till im 66 and then what?? If i do not get a house by time im 40 , i would have only say 25 yrs to pay it back.

 

[SwordsMan]

Does it have to be in canals. No i guess not but ideally within 30 mins of work. I done the long commute (well ive done the long stuck in traffic all day commute) and wasted 3 hrs a day leave at 730 home at 7, and i don't want to go back to that

if i hang in there and say continue to pay for this house and hopefully one day (say 15 years time!) i can sell it off to clear rest of loan... ..just seem like a harsh price to pay ..its not my home , it never will be,but i could end up spending say 20 years of my life paying for it just to sell it to clear balance and all the time having negative effect on my family.

i know the moral hazard gang will say i signed up so should pay up and if i could afford to i would. I just do not think i will be able to without having adverse effects on others and for want....

thanks for all the comments guys...does give me a good bit to think about.
May wait till Banks bring out forbearance products and see if one of these is suitable to my situation but catch 22 is that u probably need to be in arrears to "qualify"...the fact that ur living cash strapped , have a 2nd job so ur not in arrears does not seem to come into play....

although think these may be to keep people in homes..I want out of mine

 

[truthseeker]

Yeah I wouldnt do a long commute myself, but for example, my hubby went from Firhouse to dublin city centre daily for a year and he cycled it to beat the traffic - so there are ways and means around things.

You never know what will change though, maybe your ex will meet someone who wants your interest in the house gone and the two of them will take over the mortgage?

Im not personally a member of the moral hazard gang, I do think that you need to find a better solution than current. But I dont see a full way out without harming yourself in the process, re credit rating, ability to buy again etc..

But I do think you can juggle the situation so it costs you less. However, the ex will have to step up and agree to this.

 

[gemma1]

Swordsman I am in the same situation. Ex bf is in the house, will not co-operate at all. I want to move on with my life and leave this stress behind. He is with a new partner, I really don't know why he is refusing to try and get me out of his life. Seems to be very little the ex who is out of the house can do.

 

[SwordsMan]

Yeah I wouldnt do a long commute myself, but for example, my hubby went from Firhouse to dublin city centre daily for a year and he cycled it to beat the traffic - so there are ways and means around things.

You never know what will change though, maybe your ex will meet someone who wants your interest in the house gone and the two of them will take over the mortgage?

Im not personally a member of the moral hazard gang, I do think that you need to find a better solution than current. But I dont see a full way out without harming yourself in the process, re credit rating, ability to buy again etc..

But I do think you can juggle the situation so it costs you less. However, the ex will have to step up and agree to this.

I hear you, i actually did end up cycling into town as i got sick of the bus, 10 mile trip each way and it was quicker but the other half will not be cycling thats for sure. and when winter comes along, its cold, tough and actaully quite dangerous from my experience

yeah - tend to agree with u, no way i'll come out smelling of roses on this one and i would love to sign away my interest in house to some lucky dude ) althou he would probably be wondering "what have i done" as i begin clicking my heels in the air as he signs

 

[SwordsMan]

Swordsman I am in the same situation. Ex bf is in the house, will not co-operate at all. I want to move on with my life and leave this stress behind. He is with a new partner, I really don't know why he is refusing to try and get me out of his life. Seems to be very little the ex who is out of the house can do.

If i knew my ex was living with her partner (if she has one now that is) in house, i would stop paying straight away. cos i would be pretty sure that is a game of chicken i would win.

I already feel like an eejet for paying, but if i knew some other bloke was living it up and me paying for it, well that would make my mind up and no advice or comments for anyone of AAM or else where would change my mind.

 

[Thomas1]

OP, I work in one of the major banks and deal a lot with loans and lending. Your ex should be 'renting' the entire house i.e. paying €1k (or whatever the going rate is for an equivalent house) towards the mortgage and you both split the deficit after that. Simple as. It's her business then if she wants to rent a room.

 

[SunnyDay]

OP, I work in one of the major banks and deal a lot with loans and lending. Your ex should be 'renting' the entire house i.e. paying €1k (or whatever the going rate is for an equivalent house) towards the mortgage and you both split the deficit after that. Simple as. It's her business then if she wants to rent a room.

That's an interesting solution, although I feel the ex would feel like she is being done on this.. but in reality it is fair. I am in a very similiar situation but never thought of this solution. I am contacting my solicitor now!

 

[mark12]

Although i never feel much sympathy for people who freely mortgaged their lifes away during the boom, i have to say that i feel sorry for the original poster in this particular case, i can't believe some of the advice given here like ''move into your ex, with your pregnant gf????''.
If i were you i would tell the bank that you need a reduced payment, more than IO but less than current payment you cant live like that, this way you and your ex are still paying capital and interest, only at a longer term.

Another way to do this is to have the bank to agree to refinance at 40years instead of 29. All over Europe you have 50 year mortgages, ye you end up paying 2.5 times the original value but people get by, why do our banks think they are special and do 35 years max?