Divorce…Negotiating a settlement between us to present to Solicitor … Advice please.

Purple said:
You have significantly more assets and they'll be split 50:50 since they are all marital assets. That will include your pension.
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Whoa, hang on a minute. That's not the way pensions work. Rule of thumb is 50% of that portion of the pension built up during the marriage. @Jumbled was married for 12 years and the pension was accrued over 30 years. That's half of 12/30, ie a fifth share, not a half share.
 
Right Winger said:
Whoa, hang on a minute. That's not the way pensions work. Rule of thumb is 50% of that portion of the pension built up during the marriage. @Jumbled was married for 12 years and the pension was accrued over 30 years. That's half of 12/30, ie a fifth share, not a half share.
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Not my experience.
 
All of these elements (property / investments / savings / pension) are taken as a whole.
 
DannyBoyD said:
All of these elements (property / investments / savings / pension) are taken as a whole.
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And income etc. but future pension value is not taken into account so the future value of a pension that someone will accrue because of a very generous scheme they have recently joined is ignored. It's all about current value. So don't put a windfall into your pension if you might be getting divorced.
 
How can it be just if he does mostly cash in hand jobs and doesn't declare his income.I cant afford a forensic accountant.
Is it possible to agree to 50\50 split in equity, the house to be sold when youngest is financially independent ( if he ever will be) but if my ex doesnt continue to pay maintenance as agreed by court, that the equity split could be reviewed and revised ?
 
@Cruzer123 Why should I not get 70% of the family home?

I am raising our children single handedly, two with special needs.
I have used all inheritances and savings on my family.
I have made various home improvements and furnished and painted the house entirely when we had to leave our original home.
I have funded him through college, cars, holidays and various big expenses over the years.
He refuses to make payments for agreed expenses for the children eg medical, education etc.
Bottom line is that his financial contribution to each of his children is valued at e50 per week.The absolute minimum, And at that, he has now stopped paying that too.
His holidays and shopping may not be my business but lying in his affidavit of means is, when he is not contributing to his children's expenses and leaving me in debt, certainly is.
I wonder is marriage the only legal contract that one can break, where the injured party is often heavily penalised ?
 
Jumbled said:
How can it be just if he does mostly cash in hand jobs and doesn't declare his income.I cant afford a forensic accountant.
Is it possible to agree to 50\50 split in equity, the house to be sold when youngest is financially independent ( if he ever will be) but if my ex doesnt continue to pay maintenance as agreed by court, that the equity split could be reviewed and revised ?
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If you think you need a forensic accountant; then its also possible that you can't afford not to hire a forensic accountant.

The other option is that you offer to take 50% of your equity / assets etc pay (or not pay) same child maintenance he is paying & walk away. Let him deal with the childcare / work / school lunches / housework / paying bills / playdates etc.

As a trial run, you could go on a much needed break for 2 or 3 weeks & let him get on with it.
 
Thanks.My children have little or no relationship with him.They don't spend time at his home or holiday with him.They refuse point blank.
His sum total expenses towards our children is e150 per week. E50 per child per week.
My Solicitor told me that she was in court last week where the ex husband of her client was working on a roof...he is a self employed carpenter.
She argued that this man was working despite saying he was unable to work, he denied same and said he was pricing a job. He was very much working. Judge went along with it. What can you do? Blatant lies and a Judge who goes along with it ! What a system !!!
 
Jumbled said:
Thanks.My children have little or no relationship with him.They don't spend time at his home or holiday with him.They refuse point blank.
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Well if you weren't around (Heaven forbid); there wouldn't be much choice would there.
Jumbled said:
His sum total expenses towards our children is e150 per week. E50 per child per week.
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So you offer to pay the same & walk away.
Jumbled said:
My Solicitor told me that she was in court last week where the ex husband of her client was working on a roof...he is a self employed carpenter.
She argued that this man was working despite saying he was unable to work, he denied same and said he was pricing a job. He was very much working. Judge went along with it. What can you do? Blatant lies and a Judge who goes along with it ! What a system !!!
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forget about everyone else & focus on your own case; this could take years.
 
Are you honestly suggesting that my children go to my exh to raise when he wants nothing to do with them and vice versa?
I expect that you have no children yourself?
If I wasn't around my sister and BIL will raise them
 
Jumbled said:
@Cruzer123 Why should I not get 70% of the family home?

I am raising our children single handedly, two with special needs.
I have used all inheritances and savings on my family.
I have made various home improvements and furnished and painted the house entirely when we had to leave our original home.
I have funded him through college, cars, holidays and various big expenses over the years.
He refuses to make payments for agreed expenses for the children eg medical, education etc.
Bottom line is that his financial contribution to each of his children is valued at e50 per week.The absolute minimum, And at that, he has now stopped paying that too.
His holidays and shopping may not be my business but lying in his affidavit of means is, when he is not contributing to his children's expenses and leaving me in debt, certainly is.
I wonder is marriage the only legal contract that one can break, where the injured party is often heavily penalised ?
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I had the same issues with my ex wife. She takes substantial amounts of cash from her business and still declares a higher income than me. There are three dependent children, the older 2 college age ones live with me. She contributes nothing towards them. I pay half the childminding cost for the youngest, she pays her half with cash she's stolen from her business.
When we split up she goy 60% of the net proceeds of the house and half my pension though she didn't get a share in my business (and I didn't get one in hers).

Sometimes you just have to accept that life isn't fair and you'll do yourself more harm than it's worth trying to get what you consider to be an equitable outcome.
 
Jumbled said:
@Cruzer123 Why should I not get 70% of the family home?

I am raising our children single handedly, two with special needs.
I have used all inheritances and savings on my family.
I have made various home improvements and furnished and painted the house entirely when we had to leave our original home.
I have funded him through college, cars, holidays and various big expenses over the years.
He refuses to make payments for agreed expenses for the children eg medical, education etc.
Bottom line is that his financial contribution to each of his children is valued at e50 per week.The absolute minimum, And at that, he has now stopped paying that too.
His holidays and shopping may not be my business but lying in his affidavit of means is, when he is not contributing to his children's expenses and leaving me in debt, certainly is.
I wonder is marriage the only legal contract that one can break, where the injured party is often heavily penalised ?
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All right , I hear you, good points well made.
 
As usually, there is clearly a disagreement on entitlements here. While it's right to defend your corner and financial well being, for a rational and pragmatic solution, it's also important to consider what other party is entitled for. Otherwise this bitterness will stay for years to come.

When together, both of you were paying for one household. Now both of you are paying for two households and therefore reduction in lifestyle. Is he getting away with more, who knows ? The answer of that only be settled in court.
 
Best wishes to the OP. Raising a family and dealing with exes like this, solicitors and courts simultaneously is very hard. The amount of people I know that have or are going through this is increasing. Anyone considering getting married should read this thread and others like it. It’s so difficult.
 
DannyBoyD said:
Yep - trust me, you'll find it will soften his cough very quickly.

As you were married, your spouse is their guardian and automatically has custody should anything happen to you.
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That’s a very extreme and unrealistic suggestion.

He’s entitled to half of the marital assets.

You can both waste time, money on legal fees, and emotional energy on a fight, or you could just agree to a 50:50 split.

Divorce is “no fault” in Ireland. It doesn’t matter if someone is a bad father or a hammer-man. The split is 50:50.
 
Gordon Gekko said:
He’s entitled to half of the marital assets.
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It's a bit more complicated than that.

Gordon Gekko said:
You can both waste time, money on legal fees, and emotional energy on a fight, or you could just agree to a 50:50 split.
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Good advice generally, particularly about time, energy and fees, but it's not necessarily 50:50.

Gordon Gekko said:
Divorce is “no fault” in Ireland. It doesn’t matter if someone is a bad father or a hammer-man. The split is 50:50.
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As a general rule of thumb, yeah, in a lot of cases, it is indeed that simple. But there are exceptions, the most common scenario being when one spouse brings a vastly disproportionate share of the assets into the marriage. This is often the case in farming situations or where one party benefits from a large inheritance.

Imagine a scenario where a young lad inherits a 200 acre well stocked farm and swiftly follows his good fortune with a whirlwind courtship and brief and tempestuous, but childless, marriage. Do you seriously think the ex-spouse will walk away with 100 acres and half the stock?:D
Not gonna happen.
 
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