dating advice - men's perspective

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elainem

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Just looking for some objective advice from the men here. Had somebody doing some work for me who one day put his arm around me and asked me if I was in a relationship. I got such a shock that I said I was, sort of, and he said whoever, he was he was a very lucky guy. Later I texted him and said was only up for frienship with any guy at the moment. He texted me back to say coffee with no strings would be fine. I texted back that this would be greate. This guy is in his mid fifties and I am early forties. He remained quite flirtatious for the rest of the time when the work was being done. He's 99% finished work now - only one tiny thing to be done - so I texted him about this yesterday, said I hadn't been quite truthful - I wasn't in a relationship, but met an old friend in Dublin for lunch and drinks on some Saturdays. I said I am the kind of person that needs loads of time to think so that''s why I was only getting back to coffee issue now - suggested that sometime I would like to meet for coffee at our local heritage place. However, just after I texted him, my au pair, who has lied in relation to money before, told me that he made a pass at her and kissed her when I wasn't here last Fri. Now the guy is completely ignoring me, hasn't responded at all to my text, looked away today when I saw him in the street, and I also don't know who to believe him or my au pair. By the way, not a clingy woman, career, kids, studying, busy life. We had a lot in common, both into property and renting it. Guys, I'd like an opinion. Thanks.
 
Sorry, Mathpac, on what went wrong. How could a guy go from saying if someone was in a relationship with me he was very lucky and flirting and not saying coffee would be o.k. to not even respondin to text re coffee. I am confused!!!
 
Heres my two cent,

The guy is a player looking for some fun. He hit on you and the au-pair and probably everyother woman he meets. When you said that you "had to have time to think about things" he legged it, probably not his idea of fun.

If your interested in a causual thing with no strings, he is your man. Because that is what he is after. A man to be avoided IMHO
 
Thanks, Davyjones, a least some comorting comments - I must be way out of practice and my antennae need polishing for future forrays.
 
I am obviously also out of practice, because if someone was doing work for me that I did not know too well put his arm around me I would not be a happy camper. It is very unprofessional in my opinion. I must be just an old prude.
 
my 2 cent is that he was looking for some fun, you gave the impression you werent up for anything, he hit on the au pair - overall not great vibes from someone (hitting on 2 women in the same house he is doing work in).

Whether or not the au pair is lying, ignoring the text from you and pretending he didnt see you in the street all spells BAD VIBES.

Forget him - he was hoping for a bit of fun but doesnt sound like the serious type.

To echo MandaC - Id have a heart attack myself if that happened as well - bit forward tbh, whatever happened to a nice courtly 'perhaps we could have a coffee sometime' without the maulers being draped over you?
 
I'd definitely lose it is a bloke came up & put his re around me at work also!
 
Sounds to me like the guy thinks he is the world's greatest stud and can't handle what he sees as rejection - a fairly fragile ego, easily shattered.

He recognises no-one else's boundaries and sounds like he is very much into power and control.

His behaviour with both you and the au pair was immature and inappropriate; I'd expect better of a teenager.

You're better off miles away from this guy.

If I were a female I'd have levelled him and then shown him the door.
 
mathepac said:
If I were a female I'd have levelled him and then shown him the door.
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Mathepac
Stop beating about the bush and give it to her straight.

OP he sounds like a man I know called Ken.

If you are just looking for a bit of fun fine but if you are looking for a relationship...forget it.
 
Could he now not be playing hard-to-get. I mean, lets face it ......... it is the advice that girls give to girls. So he may have asked one of his drinking buddies! Simple as that, I think.
 
mathepac said:
...
If I were a female I'd have levelled him and then shown him the door.
Click to expand...

Thats what would have happened had he "chanced his arm" in my house, but was trying to be polite in my post above.

He would have felt the force of a kick of my six inch stiletto firmly in his backside.....Though that might have suited him!
 
MandaC said:
Thats what would have happened had he "chanced his arm" in my house, but was trying to be polite in my post above.

He would have felt the force of a kick of my six inch stiletto firmly in his backside.....Though that might have suited him!
Click to expand...

Not being polite here but that would be the least painful side and not hurting enough IMHO

Poor thing is probably going through the male menopause.
 


Just out of interest has he been paid for the work?, i.e will you have to speak to him when he comes back to do the last little job and then pay him? or did you pay him and then he stopped texting and talking to you?.
 
Do you think maybe he was just embarassed knowing the aupair would have told you what happened
Youre not seriously interested in him after the aupair incident ?
 
elainem said:
Sorry, Mathpac, on what went wrong. How could a guy go from saying if someone was in a relationship with me he was very lucky and flirting and not saying coffee would be o.k. to not even respondin to text re coffee. I am confused!!!
Click to expand...

Don't be confused, nothing "went wrong" This man is a Kn*b. You've had a lucky escape. Be polite if he has to finish the work but nothing more.

BTW the arm around my shoulder would creep me out - very unprofessional.
 
elainem said:
I also don't know who to believe him or my au pair
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Hi Elaine,
I'm not a guy but giving my ha'penny's worth, trust and security are the crux of the matter here, trust and feeling secure with another person in your own home. It seems that boundries have been crossed or you fear they have been crossed by both these people (reading a previous thread about your concerns regarding your Au Pair). Its no way anyone should feel under their own roof. Personally I would forget this man at the very least, get him out of your head even if the AP's kissing incident were a fabrication on her behalf his behavior while on the job and out on the street is not a good sign for building a relationship. I'd advise you take some time and make a decision about where you are going, as maybe your lack of time due to your busy work and study life is creating stress which may allow for error in your personal life.
 
Hi! everyone, thanks for all your replies - agree that this guy is best left to his own devices and I missed nothing.

Jaybird, the au pair left today - there was just one too many incidents with her - I didn't trust her because of incidents of stealing before Christmas etc., but if I don't have childcare I can't work.
 
This guy sounds like a complete plonker.
I'm surprised that any woman would even consider an approach like that. I'd be inclined to trust the au pair on this one.
 
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