Y
yumi31
Guest
Got this this morning, got a good laugh out of it.
Americans, don't ya just love 'em.......................
>
>Brain Cramps
>
>Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would
>not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
>supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
>forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
>
>--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>
>``````````````````````````````````
>
>"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
>world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
>but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
>
>--Mariah Carey
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
>your life,"
>
>--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
>
>--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
>in the country,"
>
>--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
>
>`````````````````````````````
>
>"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
>I'm just the one to do it,"
>
>--A congressional candidate in Texas.
>
>````````````````````````````
>
>"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
>
>--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
>
>``````````````````````````````````
>
>" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
>another"
>
>--George Bush, US President
>
>``````````````````````
>
>"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
>
>--Dan Quayle
>
>``````````
>
>"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
>
>--Lee Iacocca
>
>```````````
>
>"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
>the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
>
>--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
>Norman Einstein."
>
>--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
>
>````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
>people."
>
> - -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>
>`````````````````````````````````
>
>"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
>
>--Keppel Enderbery
>
>```````````````
>
>"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
>received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply
>if there is a change in your circumstances."
>
>--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
>
>````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
>they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
>And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
>
>--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Americans, don't ya just love 'em.......................
>
>Brain Cramps
>
>Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would
>not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
>supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
>forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
>
>--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>
>``````````````````````````````````
>
>"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
>world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,
>but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
>
>--Mariah Carey
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
>your life,"
>
>--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
>
>--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
>in the country,"
>
>--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
>
>`````````````````````````````
>
>"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
>I'm just the one to do it,"
>
>--A congressional candidate in Texas.
>
>````````````````````````````
>
>"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
>
>--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
>
>``````````````````````````````````
>
>" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
>another"
>
>--George Bush, US President
>
>``````````````````````
>
>"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
>
>--Dan Quayle
>
>``````````
>
>"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
>
>--Lee Iacocca
>
>```````````
>
>"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
>the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
>
>--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
>
>`````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
>Norman Einstein."
>
>--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
>
>````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
>people."
>
> - -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>
>`````````````````````````````````
>
>"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
>
>--Keppel Enderbery
>
>```````````````
>
>"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
>received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply
>if there is a change in your circumstances."
>
>--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
>
>````````````````````````````````````````````
>
>"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
>they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
>And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
>
>--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman