Childminder lost temper

Arrange a meeting with the childminder, face to face is way better than over the phone. Explain the situation, say you know she has problems but that the children are afraid after what happened.

Do you know any friends or family that could take over nanny duties? If not, you should really go through an agency, even think about getting another au pair back.
 
Lucky you sparkeee... did your father die young? did he beat your mother? did our parents split up? would you love your mother less if she had, through neccesity, had to work - or even if she just felt a real need to go out in the world and share a skill or talent outside the home?

Thankfully, I left an abusive marraige so I wouldn't raise my sons to believe that it was their right to hit women and children to get their own way. I also decided to work instead of sitting on my backside teaching my children to look for handouts. Needless to say that involved other people helping me mind my children. I worked for necessities, not for extras or luxuries and *shock* my children still seem to love me !!

Elaine, I can understand that the childminder may have been having a rotten day - I also think it's possible that your daughter was looking for a reaction from you? Is your dd normally a whingy child ? I agree that sitting down with the childminder to have a chat is a good idea, let her know that you don't want something like this to happen but also reinforce with your children that they do need to behave when they are with other grown ups, be it childminders, relatives, teachers.
 
why is this so incredulous to people am i the only one whos mother gave up a career
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- it's not about a career, it's about existing. if there is no money coming in, as a single parent, from what do you want to live? the bid of child maintanance won't do it, trust me!

in an ideal world, were we all won the lotto, i would agree with you sparkeee that staying at home is a good solution. unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world.

OP - i think you should talk face to face with this girl. i understand your worries and i would have been quite upset too but there could be a simple explaination for it. thumbs up.
 
Hi Elainem,
Just came accross your post. Am a mother myself and am sure this situation must be affecting you and your children a great deal. I know how difficult it is to raise a child as a single mother. But i would strongly recommend you to have a serious chat with this woman and to be honest my first initial reaction as a mother was to say to you to stop any contact with this woman!
what about the father what does he think about this? what about a creche?
Ask your friends, family, go to university to put an ad or something students always want extra money. But never contract anybody without any recommendations.
I really hope you will sort out this situation. if i come accross a good chilminder i will pm to you.

Good luck!
 
television said:
Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.
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There are plenty of us stay at home mums television who are not self satisfied. We work hard too! I always say my profession was _____ but my career was mothering.
 
Elaine, theres other ways of giving kids confidence other than karate lessons and as with other suggestions, speak to the childminder. While I wouldnt have said it the way sparkee did, I would also investigate staying at home, its obviously on your mind as you opened the thread by saying financially you could possibly stay at home.




my wife and I, whose parents are still alive and neither of them beat each other as my wife and I dont, decided together that she should stay at home and look after our children as we believe kids should be parented by their parents. She put her career on hold as knew she would be able to parent our kids better then anyone else. Is it ok to have this opinion without having some kind of traumatic background?



Eh? Ive reread this 10 times, did you just say mothers who stay at home sit on their backsides teaching their kids to look for handouts.

Id be hung from the rafters, shot, drawn, quartered, kicked out of the house, tarred and feathered and sent to coventry for even thinking anything remotely like that. Even in jest!!!
 
I had a babysitter yesterday evening and before I left they were acting up, they ran her ragged and she left exhausted at 9 having not managed to get one child to sleep or in their own bed, the kids who were in high glee collapsed sound asleep within 5 minutes of my return and I had to ask the babysitter to be stricter. She's a real softy so I have the opposite problem to the OP. OP you need to speak adult to adult to the childminder to sort out the issue and bear in mind your children might be telling you one thing and the childminder might have been overstretched with their behaviour.
 
ooops, my apologies to hardworking mothers, I do know they work bloody hard. I meant that I didn't expect anyone - family or ex husband or government - to support me instead or supporting myself and my children.

And yes, some COUPLES have the luxury to choose for one person to stay at home and raise their children but for the vast majority of families now - either one parent or two parent - that is not the case. I take offense at having the finger pointed at those who must go out to work as being bad or neglectful or selfish parents.
 


As sometimes kids arent planned, and sometimes kids are planned but circumstances change, I wouldnt have said what sparkee did about having them at all if you couldnt look after them.

However, the opinion still exists that if a parent can stay at home, the parent should and the OP specifically says that she could, so its not a necessity that she leaves the children with a childminder.
 

Smug and out of date comment particularly in the context of the times were find ourselves in, where people cannot afford not to work. Re OP, I am usually fairly black and white about most issues, if there is a doubt or a breakdown of trust then they must go, you will always be wondering if she is losing her temper with the kids and quite frankly given that she has monthly problems she will lose her temper again. If it were me, I would get rid, have enough of my own problems to deal with without taking on babysitter issues.
 
I don't mean to make little of this issue, but there is a bit of storm in teacup about it.

Admittedly I don't use the word 'brat' (I never liked that word) and I would be more of a finger-wagger than a fist-shaker. But I have lost count of the number of times that I have raised my voice to one or other of my kids and warned them that I don't want to hear another word out of them. Am I going mad or is this pretty normal? It doesn't seem to me like the minder has crossed some line that puts her beyond the Pale.
 
television said:
Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.
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I agree with sparkee, why have children if your not going to raise them yourself? Also, Sparkee is voicing his/her own opinion, so there's nothing wrong with that.

In fact I find your post very patronising. Maybe if this woman was to stay at home and raise her own kids she'll find how difficult it actually is. It is the hardest job in The World but one of the most rewarding.
 
my apologies i understand,i think i was just blessed with a good set of circumstances as a child,i realise maybe everyone cant have such an idyllic childhood.i think you are coping well with juggling work and the children.
 
holly said:
Lucky you sparkeee... did your father die young? did he beat your mother? did our parents split up?There seems to be some serious issues in your past experiences would you like to talk about them,i'm a good listener.
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sparkeee said:
i work harder now because of it so as i may provide enough for my wife to do the same for my children.
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Sparkee
I think it is fantastic that you appreciate so much what your mum did for you.
However, I knew from your first post that you were not a parent yet.
Life is not a bed of roses.
I hope your wife will enjoy staying at home...it's not for everyone.
I hope she agrees with your expectation that she should abandon her career not all women are willing to give up what they worked so hard for.
I hope you can earn enough to support you all through thick and thin.
Maybe perhaps if your wife earns more than you, you could stay at home?

I have been lucky to be a stay at home mom since my kids were born.
But I'm going back to my career soon...a full 4 grades down from where I left( some call it mommy-tracked), because my husband has lost his job. I'm lucky to be able to earn a living to help support my family.

Elaine is a single mum....not a bed of rose for sure.

Elaine I have shouted and waved a fist at my kids in the car and I love them dearly. WHat you had here was a combo of a sick carer and 2 sick kids...I take it she's not superwoman.

I would bring it up in an understanding way, but explain to her that the kids are fearful now. No harm in marking her card. understandable that you have trust issues, given your recent experiences.
 
UptheDeise said:
It is the hardest job in The World but one of the most rewarding.
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Well, that might be pushing it a bit. I accept that it can be stressful but working as an eye surgeon in the third world would also be very rewarding (perhaps more rewarding?) and project managing a space mission might be harder, maybe?

I find minding the kids much easier than working (outside the home; nearly left that bit out) and as for the cleaning/ washing & ironing/ cooking, well I do most of that anyway.
I’m not trying to say that staying at home to mind your kids is not important or rewarding or even difficult at times but it’s much, much easier than working full time and doing all the other stuff as well.
Lets not lose the run of ourselves here.
 
Your a single parent you need to get someone to mind them.Kids are not easy and if a women minding them did this to them she has no patience which you have to have with kids, if it is true give her the boot.Confront her on the matter asap.



 
i actually have five children and i work like a dog,always have,i luv the thought of providing the best i can for the chisslers.I can understand people,especially single parents being in a dilemma not of their choosing.It just saddens me to see chisslers missing out on the prescious bonding years,i know it cant be helped but i am still of the opinion a parent is the best person to raise a child.
 
sparkeee said:
the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,giving them to others to raise while we are out all day working is not a good example in my mind.Who knows what ethics or opinions are being formed in a childs mind.
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Is this not kids as an ego trip? I think my son benefits greatly from the influence of other kind,considerate adults who have qualities/traits I lack. I think it's a bit daft to think you should be the only one who moulds your child.

Having said that, I would not be happy with my son be referred to as a brat. It's not a nice term and I'd want a genuine apology from the child minder.
 
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