Child Maintenance

ClubMan said:

Not denigrating the other parent is important (and can often be written into judicial separation or divorce agreements) but I wouldn't extend that to hypocrisy which is no good for anybody and a poor example for children - e.g. telling the kids that the other parent is a great person if they're patently not. I'm speaking from my own experience here.

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zoe1234 said:

he had to go to court he would give up his job a

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zoe1234 said:

i was speaking to him and he said if he had to go to court he would give up his job and go onto the dole rather than pay more for his kids

he just said to me ul get 200 per month that's reasonable that was it and said if anyone tried to get him to pay anymore he would go on the dole

he told me if it were to go to court he would quit his job and go on the dole so I'm wondering is there any point in going to court. he is very selfish to leave his kids struggle while he drinks and enjoys no responsibility

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Sarah Ryan said:

When a union like this breaks down, factual non emotional evidence is key to progressing matters.
Here are my tips (based on dealing with a high conflict birth mother - my husband's ex wife)

Use the grey rock method - all communication needs to be about the care and welfare of your children only - nothing else needs to come into this

Set up an email account for access communication - everything to go through the email regarding the children

Always uphold the other parent infront of the children - he may be whatever, a mother may be whatever, but you smile as if they are the best thing since slice bread when you speak about them to your children or they speak to you about them.
My stepdaughter asked me one day, why I spoke so nice about her Mam when she was always horrible about me - I genuinely was stumped and just smiled and said if you have nothing nice to say then you say nothing at all. That goes for children and ADULTS.

You need to start a proper book of evidence, create a spreadsheet or a notebook to keep proper notes.
Make sure any funds paid to you are done via your bank account no cash payments
Any requests for school stuff etc to be accompanied by the evidence of why it's needed so it's clear what he is saying no too
You need to get this listed in court but you want to have your statements and evidence water tight before you go to have the best outcome

Why is there no access in his mothers home, is there room for them? I would suggest getting some form of overnight access in place to give yourself a break more than anything.

My husband does the following

€150 per week - €50 per child (now down to €100 as eldest is 20 and working he left college)
Free GP via his job
Free travel via his job
Private VHI cover for middle and youngest - the eldest was cut off at 18
Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon every 2 week
Taxi's to and from their house to the train station (they live 4 counties away)
School fees and books all paid for by father - anything else school related split 50/50 (mother gets full BTSA)
Dental work split 50/50

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Spooners said:

HI there,
I agree with so much of what you said here. Keep records of everything. For some people, ethics and fair morals just don't exist. Just out of interest, why was the eldest's VHI cut off at 18? I have an 18 year old and intend to cover their medical insurance for quite a few years. Even when they start working.

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Premos said:

[QUOTE="Sarah Ryan, post: 1919884, member: 122504

So that means a luxury like paying health insurance for an earning adult has to go.

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