Child Maintenance

ClubMan said:
Not denigrating the other parent is important (and can often be written into judicial separation or divorce agreements) but I wouldn't extend that to hypocrisy which is no good for anybody and a poor example for children - e.g. telling the kids that the other parent is a great person if they're patently not. I'm speaking from my own experience here.
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No I mean things like 'be good for your Mammy and tidy up after yourself for her etc' that kinda stuff.
Nice and light.
 
Op I'm sure this is very stressful and you are under a lot of pressure to keep your family going. Everyone has given great advice. Do you have someone close to you like a friend or family member who can help you to navigate what needs to be done ? It might seem quite daunting but if you have someone to help it might lighten the load. Even your local citizens advice might be able to get you started. And definitely contact yiur local community welfare officer for necessities. They are there for that purpose. I hope things improve for you and well done on starting the fight for your children.
 
zoe1234 said:
i was speaking to him and he said if he had to go to court he would give up his job and go onto the dole rather than pay more for his kids

he just said to me ul get 200 per month that's reasonable that was it and said if anyone tried to get him to pay anymore he would go on the dole

he told me if it were to go to court he would quit his job and go on the dole so I'm wondering is there any point in going to court. he is very selfish to leave his kids struggle while he drinks and enjoys no responsibility
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This threat to go on the dole should be told to the judge from the start. That way, if the judge orders him to pay a reasonable amount of maintenance for his children, it can come with a warning that he should not simply quit his job to avoid paying for his responsibilities. If he then quit his job, there would be all sorts of remedies available. A judge could view it as contempt of court.
 
Just want to say you have got good advice here. Shameful behaviour from him.
 
Sarah Ryan said:
When a union like this breaks down, factual non emotional evidence is key to progressing matters.
Here are my tips (based on dealing with a high conflict birth mother - my husband's ex wife)

Use the grey rock method - all communication needs to be about the care and welfare of your children only - nothing else needs to come into this

Set up an email account for access communication - everything to go through the email regarding the children

Always uphold the other parent infront of the children - he may be whatever, a mother may be whatever, but you smile as if they are the best thing since slice bread when you speak about them to your children or they speak to you about them.
My stepdaughter asked me one day, why I spoke so nice about her Mam when she was always horrible about me - I genuinely was stumped and just smiled and said if you have nothing nice to say then you say nothing at all. That goes for children and ADULTS.

You need to start a proper book of evidence, create a spreadsheet or a notebook to keep proper notes.
Make sure any funds paid to you are done via your bank account no cash payments
Any requests for school stuff etc to be accompanied by the evidence of why it's needed so it's clear what he is saying no too
You need to get this listed in court but you want to have your statements and evidence water tight before you go to have the best outcome

Why is there no access in his mothers home, is there room for them? I would suggest getting some form of overnight access in place to give yourself a break more than anything.

My husband does the following

€150 per week - €50 per child (now down to €100 as eldest is 20 and working he left college)
Free GP via his job
Free travel via his job
Private VHI cover for middle and youngest - the eldest was cut off at 18
Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon every 2 week
Taxi's to and from their house to the train station (they live 4 counties away)
School fees and books all paid for by father - anything else school related split 50/50 (mother gets full BTSA)
Dental work split 50/50
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HI there,
I agree with so much of what you said here. Keep records of everything. For some people, ethics and fair morals just don't exist. Just out of interest, why was the eldest's VHI cut off at 18? I have an 18 year old and intend to cover their medical insurance for quite a few years. Even when they start working.
 
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Spooners said:
HI there,
I agree with so much of what you said here. Keep records of everything. For some people, ethics and fair morals just don't exist. Just out of interest, why was the eldest's VHI cut off at 18? I have an 18 year old and intend to cover their medical insurance for quite a few years. Even when they start working.
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Cost!! Can't afford it, he is 18, needs to learn about the big bad world, myself and my husband both worked and took out our own health insurance at 18 when we had jobs.

We have big credit union loans from buying a second hand house 3 years ago and doing it up.
I had 1 bed apt, kids on the floor on blow up beds not sustainable, we did it for 4 years while we saved like mad for deposit alongside the equity I built up with selling the apt (second time buyers due to me being a homeowner, had to come up with €65k)

So that means a luxury like paying health insurance for an earning adult has to go.
 
[QUOTE="Sarah Ryan, post: 1919884, member: 122504

So that means a luxury like paying health insurance for an earning adult has to go.
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Who do you think will have to pay for medical costs if they arise and the 18 year old is still in education?
 
Premos said:
[QUOTE="Sarah Ryan, post: 1919884, member: 122504

So that means a luxury like paying health insurance for an earning adult has to go.
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Who do you think will have to pay for medical costs if they arise and the 18 year old is still in education?
[/QUOTE]

His father and mother will, they split medical and dental bills 50/50, assuming of course he was still within the educational system.

The vhi though is something that he has always paid himself, Mam has never wanted to contribute to it, that's her choice. I mean she could always add him onto her own policy if she really wanted to......

But now that the son is 20 and still in full-time employment with no desire to return to education if he wants private medical insurance he's going to have to sort that out himself.

And if he has any massive medical or dental bill he's also going to have to make a contribution towards it to help his parents.
 
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