my husband walked out on me and our 5 children last year. he lives with his mother now and pays her 400 per month. he gets approx 2400-2600 per month in his wages and give 200 maintenance per month here. that would not even cover our electric for 2 weeks. he doesn't have the children they are with me 24/7 and he sees them in my house once a month. does 200 sound very low for 4 children he only pays for 4 because one of them turned 18. I've had to give up work because I had noone to help with the children 1 of which has ASD. he thinks 200 is fair per month which on months that have 5 weeks it works out at 10 euro per child per month
Child Maintenance
- Thread starter zoe1234
- Start date
How was the maintenance figure of €200 arrived at? I presume that it wasn't decided by a court? It certainly seems very low for 4 children. He also probably still has an obligation to maintain the eldest until they turn 23.
Did you ever get legal advice/assistance? Maybe have a look into that perhaps via one of the following...
www.legalaidboard.ie
Have you checked out what welfare payments or other supports you might be entitled to? E.g.:
www.citizensinformation.ie
Did you ever get legal advice/assistance? Maybe have a look into that perhaps via one of the following...
Stakeholder Engagement
www.legalaidboard.ie
Have you checked out what welfare payments or other supports you might be entitled to? E.g.:
Parenting alone
Flybytheseat
Registered User
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In my experience a good rule of thumb would be child maintenance up to 25-30% of his net monthly salary so €625 to €750 per month. Note that child maintenance is payable up to the age of 18 or longer (up to 23) if the young adult remains in full time education. Suggest that if he doesn't increase his contribution you obtain a court ordered maintenance order. You can apply for this without a solicitor.
https://www.citizensinformation.ie/...nd-divorce/maintenance-orders-and-agreements/
https://www.citizensinformation.ie/...nd-divorce/maintenance-orders-and-agreements/
no he pays nothing else the rest goes on his fags drink etc. he has no car etc I pay rent 200 per week myself I'm on lone parents he literally only pays 200 per month and I've to pay all school fees their football activities everything. I would tell him often how we have no food here and he would tell me he is going to his friends drinking like he doesn't care his kids going without
He's a feckless individual, court and attachment of earnings (as previous poster recommended) are the only way to bring him to heel and guarantee the money is provided to you.
It's a dreadfully sad state of affairs that he's behaving like this, he's setting no example to his kids, thankfully they have a strong mother to rely on.
It's a dreadfully sad state of affairs that he's behaving like this, he's setting no example to his kids, thankfully they have a strong mother to rely on.
Divorce is only an option after living apart for 2 out of the previous 3 years. In this case it only seems like 1 year apart? Unless they were effectively living apart before that while still living in the same house (sounds contradictory but it's explained in the link below). But I guess that they could get the ball rolling or go for a judicial separation first if necessary?
Getting a divorce in Ireland
A divorce decree allows both parties to a marriage to remarry. However, special conditions must be met before a court can grant a divorce.
i was speaking to him and he said if he had to go to court he would give up his job and go onto the dole rather than pay more for his kids
he just said to me ul get 200 per month that's reasonable that was it and said if anyone tried to get him to pay anymore he would go on the dole
he told me if it were to go to court he would quit his job and go on the dole so I'm wondering is there any point in going to court. he is very selfish to leave his kids struggle while he drinks and enjoys no responsibility
Sarah Ryan
Registered User
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- 164
When a union like this breaks down, factual non emotional evidence is key to progressing matters.
Here are my tips (based on dealing with a high conflict birth mother - my husband's ex wife)
Use the grey rock method - all communication needs to be about the care and welfare of your children only - nothing else needs to come into this
Set up an email account for access communication - everything to go through the email regarding the children
Always uphold the other parent infront of the children - he may be whatever, a mother may be whatever, but you smile as if they are the best thing since slice bread when you speak about them to your children or they speak to you about them.
My stepdaughter asked me one day, why I spoke so nice about her Mam when she was always horrible about me - I genuinely was stumped and just smiled and said if you have nothing nice to say then you say nothing at all. That goes for children and ADULTS.
You need to start a proper book of evidence, create a spreadsheet or a notebook to keep proper notes.
Make sure any funds paid to you are done via your bank account no cash payments
Any requests for school stuff etc to be accompanied by the evidence of why it's needed so it's clear what he is saying no too
You need to get this listed in court but you want to have your statements and evidence water tight before you go to have the best outcome
Why is there no access in his mothers home, is there room for them? I would suggest getting some form of overnight access in place to give yourself a break more than anything.
My husband does the following
€150 per week - €50 per child (now down to €100 as eldest is 20 and working he left college)
Free GP via his job
Free travel via his job
Private VHI cover for middle and youngest - the eldest was cut off at 18
Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon every 2 week
Taxi's to and from their house to the train station (they live 4 counties away)
School fees and books all paid for by father - anything else school related split 50/50 (mother gets full BTSA)
Dental work split 50/50
Here are my tips (based on dealing with a high conflict birth mother - my husband's ex wife)
Use the grey rock method - all communication needs to be about the care and welfare of your children only - nothing else needs to come into this
Set up an email account for access communication - everything to go through the email regarding the children
Always uphold the other parent infront of the children - he may be whatever, a mother may be whatever, but you smile as if they are the best thing since slice bread when you speak about them to your children or they speak to you about them.
My stepdaughter asked me one day, why I spoke so nice about her Mam when she was always horrible about me - I genuinely was stumped and just smiled and said if you have nothing nice to say then you say nothing at all. That goes for children and ADULTS.
You need to start a proper book of evidence, create a spreadsheet or a notebook to keep proper notes.
Make sure any funds paid to you are done via your bank account no cash payments
Any requests for school stuff etc to be accompanied by the evidence of why it's needed so it's clear what he is saying no too
You need to get this listed in court but you want to have your statements and evidence water tight before you go to have the best outcome
Why is there no access in his mothers home, is there room for them? I would suggest getting some form of overnight access in place to give yourself a break more than anything.
My husband does the following
€150 per week - €50 per child (now down to €100 as eldest is 20 and working he left college)
Free GP via his job
Free travel via his job
Private VHI cover for middle and youngest - the eldest was cut off at 18
Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon every 2 week
Taxi's to and from their house to the train station (they live 4 counties away)
School fees and books all paid for by father - anything else school related split 50/50 (mother gets full BTSA)
Dental work split 50/50
A judge/court would be quick to "encourage" him to face up to his responsibilities. Not to mention that the Department of Social Protection would be eager to encourage him to get off the dole (Jobseeker's Benefit or Assistance) and back into employment. At €200 per month at the moment you may not have much to lose by going the legal route.
Flybytheseat
Registered User
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- 374
Well in your situation I'd call his bluff and drag him before the courts for a maintenance order. The order will be granted even if he doesn't show up. You can go back to court again after a couple of months for an attachment order to his salary or dole payments if he refuses to pay up. Doesn't cost you anything. See the link I posted above for how to apply for these court orders.
Sarah Ryan
Registered User
- Messages
- 164
He can easily explain all these things to the Judge, they would be delighted to discuss it with him.
Let him come back with all these replies, they mean nothing. If he wants to act like that let him.
But the courts will end up judging his fate.
Men like this just are vile, they make it so difficult for the honest decent men out there trying to keep the show on the road for them and their kids.
Not denigrating the other parent is important (and can often be written into judicial separation or divorce agreements) but I wouldn't extend that to hypocrisy which is no good for anybody and a poor example for children - e.g. telling the kids that the other parent is a great person if they're patently not. I'm speaking from my own experience here.
It's not only men who can cause chaos in relationships. Again, my own experience...
You mean the One Parent Family Payment?
One-Parent Family Payment
One-Parent Family Payment is a payment for people who are bringing children up without the support of a partner.
Sarah Ryan
Registered User
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- 164
Oh I hear ya xIt's not only men who can cause chaos in relationships. Again, my own experience...