Child Maintenance

I'm sorry to hear your situation GreenQueen. It is a very difficult position to be in.
On your points, i take them on board but do wonder if by that logic, maintenance is only a child care allowence and one parent should have to pay the balance alone?
In a marriage situation, i wouldn't like to think thats the case, so why should i have to. If it was the other way around, and he was minding her most of the time and paying for all costs, i am sure that he would expect fair maintenance from me.
I am concerned however that you think the courts may not grant anymore, i suppose it is a possibility but i do see her expenses remaining the same in Sept as she is starting a paid pre-school and combined with after school care, it works out the same.
Why should any parent be thankful for just getting half child care paid for if it's still not a fair amount toward the cost of the child?
 
You say her Dad has her twice a week?, so he's already covering the costs for those periods say 2/7th of her costs, so its not really half of the costs that you will be looking for, The periods during which he's in her care, (especially as her well they seem pretty fixed) will be taken into consideration.
 
Hi, he does have her 2 nights a week but that does not equate to 2/7ths of her cost at all, it equated to about 10euros worth of food and that's it. Her primary residence is at my home and my problem is that he does not pay for her actual cost (clothes etc...) during those 2 days. It should be fair and buying her food during access is not maintenance.
Also, is maintence linked to access or not?
 
i kept silently reading this thread and have to write down my view on it. i am a single mother, too. however due to unfortunate circumstances the father of my child is not around which means im not getting a penny (or a cent ;)) of him. i still have to pay for child care during the day when im in work, i still have to pay mortgage, bills, buy food, clothes and the whole lot. i am not on a big wage so its not easy to get through the months. i depend on the child benefit and childcare supplement the government is paying me.
now OP is in a much better position. apart from the state benefits and not just is the father still around - he also pays 92€ a week. from a perfect world p.o.v. i agree that everything should be split 50/50 BUT we dont live in a perfect world and we, as mothers, made the choice to have a child in the 1st place. so it is our duty to look after them and provide for them regardless if the father cougs up or not. full stop. OP should be happy that her daughter's father has an active interest in her little girl and should not make court/ money orders her priority. if you get through dont ask for more unless you, yourself can give it. that's my opinion and yes, im aware that not everyone agrees with me. that's fine,too. :)
 
Maintenance is not linked to access.

Nor should it be as it could be used as a threat by one parent over another.

Green Queen already posted this at Reply no. 8 in this thread.
 
maintenance is not linked with access, especially when trying to withhold one becuase the other isn't being adhered to

however reasonable costs which are being met by a parent when the child is in their care/excercising access can be taken into account when accessing any maintenance due
 
Ann84 said:
It seems that the only way forward at this point is through court even though i don't really want it to be this way but i have tried to be reasonable and it has gotten me nowhere. I want my daughter to be happy, i want her to have food, clothes, toys, activities but i can't afford to give her these things myself and why should i have to anyway. It's not about father's rights or mother's rights, it's simply about being fair in my view so what choice do i have?
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Of course you have choices but it appears to me that you have set you mind on trying to get more from him via the courts as you feel he is not contributing enough financially to support your child. From previous experience you will gain very little if anything at all financially by bringing him to court especially on his salary, you are more than likely only to end up with another bill to pay for a solicitor for the day. You are actually doing very well to be receiving €92 per week, if you ex was to loose his job in the morning the onus would be on you to provide most of the cost relating to your daughters childcare etc and the choice would be taken away from you and no amount of court dates would change the outcome, he can't give you what he doesn't have.

Providing financially is not the only support your child needs, she needs to continue the relationship she has with her father already and I for one would not put a price on something so precious. Think long and hard before you go down the court route, it is the point of no return for alot of couples who choose it over common sense.

You say yourself you want your daughter to be happy, is she happy now as things are? if so why would you want to take a chance on changing that for her, just my personal opinion but I would not play a game of poker with her happiness with the hope of having the winning hand only to end up worse off than when you started. Good luck with whatever you decide I hope you get the result your looking for.
 
Ann I've previously answered your question in relation to the links between maintenance and access.

I still think that your childcare costs could be reduced and you could therefore free up some extra money to spend on your dd without having to take your ex-partner back to court. You need to also bear in mind that if your ex-partner is contributing half the costs of the childcare he should be entitled to have a say in your choices. Don't be surprised if he comes up with an alternate, cheaper option such as the child being minded by a relation as opposed to a formal childminding relationship.
 
Hi all,
I have to admit that i feel a bit frustrated. I completely agree that my daughter's relationship with her father is very important, she's mad about him but i don't agree that their relationship is related to maintenance either, if he didn't see her at all i would still expect him to pay maintence. It is very unfair to suggest that i would intentionally try to damage their relationship but why should i be held to ransom by that. Is the onus not as much on him to maintain his relationship with her both in person AND financially.
You are possibly right but his lack of support is going to limit her oppertunities and is that not also detrementle and irresponsible as a parent?
All i know is that i am the parent on the lesser income and yet i am supporting her to the greater extent and i don't want this to continue throughout her childhood.
He bought an apartment for 340,000 last year, and i rent a tiny house with no central heating because it is all i can afford, i want to move to better accomodation but without him taking some of her costs, it won't happen and it is not a level playing field in my view.
 
Ann84
In your own comment "I appreciate that 92 seems like alot, but when it is spent on childcare alone, it doesn't exist as i match that amount also every week." is your answer I'm afraid, the father can't or won't see the other actual costs unless written down.
If you really feel you deserve more you need to draw up hard facts and figures, i.e. feeding the child costs, clothing the child costs etc and present these to the father and say here is how much extra I'm paying but remember you're (repeating myself) already getting additional monies which need to be added in first and then the difference divided by 2.
Taking these additional monies first you're already getting @50-60 a week from the state so how much more would you consider fair bearing in mind if you expect him to you say €50 extra then that assumes you're also contributing an extra €50, personally @100 a week would be most you'd be spending on a child so if you're lucky you may get an additional €20 a week at most.
As for previous posts stating the father may get more say, this is a right he has already!!!!
 
truthseeker said:
OP - are you actually getting money from the state as well as money from your ex?
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Do you mean on top of children's allowance which I think Jabber is referring to?

All children under 5 in the state receive €57.54 per week and children over 5 receive €38.31 per week.

Jabber in my experience non-custodial parents tend not to rock the boat wrt childcare arrangements/schools etc unless they feel they are not being considered in the arrangements that are made. I would think that the OP's ex would take a far greater interest in the childcare situation (and other choices) if they were being required to contribute more money. ;(

ETA:
Ann if your ex has the child 2 days out of every 7 would you consider asking him to bear the cost of food and all other items including clothing in his house? Would that lessen the burden more? Perhaps ask him to enroll the child in an activity of his choosing on his time and get him to pay for it directly. I'm aware of a number of separated parents that work this way.
 
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What is your total income as so far we have

You
27K
Maintenance of 92 X 52 = 4784
Child allowance of 57.54 X 52 = 2992
Free childcare for 48 hours weekly and more if needed

Ex

36K
Less 4784 taxed income on maintenance
Cost of keeping a child on minimum 48 hours weekly


If you said he was on 50 K I could maybe see your point. How do you think a court is going to look at this?
Your main problem is that you seem to be jealous that he has bought an apartment. You want him to feel the pain of your poverty. I could be wrong but that's the impression I'm getting. If I'm incorrect I apologise. But he seems like a great dad why jeopardise that.
However there is one thing I really take issue with and that is you even asking if maintenance is linked to access.
 
Child allowance of 57.54 X 52 = 2992
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if you mean child benefit and supplement it makes a total of 3020€ p.a. (160€ per month child benefit and 91€ per month childcare supplement - these are the current rates)

was a location mentioned here as well? if outside dublin, it would reduce costs such as rent by a bit additional.
 
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Hi Ann84

Have you looked into a community creche which would have reduced fees, based on your circumstance? Find out are there any nearby.

HTH
folly
 
Hi,

I live in Cork and rent and childcare is still quite expensive (not on a par with Dublin city) but still city living.
I had been on an 8 month waiting list for a community creche before i went back to work so i had to put her in private childcare out of neccessity at that stage. Unfortunately she has had to move creche more than once out if circumstance and i would be hesitant to move her between now and Sept to be honest.
I have an advice meeting with a solicitor in a week and if i am told that i am not entitled to anything more and should count my blessings then i will have to look at alternative ways to spread the cost.
i just feel that there is something wrong witht the situation and i want to clarify that is definately not with any maliceous intent that i am asking these questions and has nothing to do witht the fact that he bought an apartment other than the difference between our standard of living!
 
Ann84,
Im not sure I see where the difference in standard of living is coming from?
Is it that he has more disposable income available than you?

Just from a financial viewpoint you get maintenance from him, you get the state benefit and you have a job yourself.

I just cant see how his standard of living is such that you feel its unfair - based on the figures presented.

What costs do you mean he should take on more of in relation to your child?
 
Hi,

Thanks for all the feedback, in earlier posts i was told to fill in the solo.ie excel for an idea, which i did accurately and based on that i will pursue maintenance through the courts.
From the responses i have been getting, i am not sure what i will achieve at this point.
All i know is that i buy clothes, feed her and pay for any and all incurred costs and half of childcare. Granted i get the state benefit but what i spend on her a week is more than matching it (excluding childcare as we both pay it). Also granted that i am lucky that he is iinvolved with her and does pay something but i will not accept that i should allow him to get away with paying less than half her expenses.
If i am not entitled to anything, i am 100% sure the solicitor will tell me that.
I have tried to explain my situation but i don't think i can. I do know that if i bought a house and was paying the amount that he does on a mortgage, i would not be able to support my daughter, but i would never put myself in that position.
I don't understand why i should have to suffer the financial burdon, isn't it supposed to be equal because it is not at the moment?
I will look at the figures again but something does not add up here. I dont think that court is a good idea and i am in two minds about pursuing it if i am told that he should pay more but i do need to know. From what i can gather, maintenance is not just a childcare payment.
 
Ann84,
Just trying to get a picture of things here - think Im a bit clearer after a reread of the thread.

So he pays half childcare and you pay the other half - so childcare costs are shared.
You buy all clothes, most food, costs (such as medical, treats, toys etc...).
The state monies covers some of clothes/costs etc....
But then the remainder falls to you to pay for.

Here is a practical suggestion:
Ask him to take her shopping for clothes now and again.
Ask him if you could agree to split large expenses (like medical for instance, doctors bill plus prescriptions, or school uniform when the time comes).

Write down the costs that you incur in an average week (leave childcare out), subtract the state benefit and show him the remainder and point out that he is not contributing to any of it and see what he says?
 
Ann84 - Equality doesn't come into it.

If you have your child for the majority of the time then you will be responsible for the majority of the expense. A previous poster suggested that you give him more access so that he would be responsible for more time and therefore more expense in raising the child. If you really wanted equality then you would agree to this split.

Someone has to take the hit in any parenting relationship. I know of no relationship where both parents spend an equal amount of anything, be it time or money with their child.

However, take a look at this article, A Fair Share? in The Guardian if you really want to try 50/50 parenting.
 
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