Ok so OP who needed help didn't like the replies and deleted his posts which is a pity. If you need help it's better to be truthful and get meaningful help including the realities of bad decisions one may have made, this is after all an anonomous website. Buring one's head in the sand is pointless.
In any case one generally learns more from one's bad decisions than anything else in my life experiences.
In any case one generally learns more from one's bad decisions than anything else in my life experiences.