Are there couples who decided not to have kids?

To all those who do not ask, thank you!

Personally, I dont want to have kids for I need to be more responsible, more stable [financially/emotionally], my career, and for many other reasons! I'm happy the way I'm.

This question "When are you planning to have kids" by someone who is not that well known to me is like putting me on the spot. I dont want to give them a long story, I still need to figure out why I need to have firstly , this is not something I can answer while waiting for a bus or in a party/get-together.

At the same time I dont want to answer also, but I want to be polite by not answering. What do you advise is the best to do? - avoid them or reason it out? or just say "that its a personal choice and lets leave it there" ....
 
ci1 said:
Totally agree.
its a totally personal thing between 2 people and god knows what obstacles they are coming up against trying to conceive etc.
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I agree. Something like one in 6 couples have fertility problems. Its more common than you think.
 
As someone who went through IVF (or Mrs Purple did) and spent three years trying to have kids I still don’t understand why people take such offence at this question being asked.
When people asked me I said we are trying.
If we didn’t want kids then that would have been my answer.
What’s the big deal? It’s not as if offence is meant.
 
Purple said:
If we didn’t want kids then that would have been my answer.
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I would be great if that was the end of it - but it often isn't - next question is often "why not?" or at the very least a totally incredulous look (even from people who didn't intend to have kids themselves and "fell" pregnant)
 
hi there,
We are married this year 10 years - we are constantly being asked "When are we having kids" - from family - one SIL in particular..
We went to a dinner party one night and a woman who I had never ment in my life asked me 3 times "When are we having kids" - and "Why dont I have children" . It sometimes really upsets me as we (Mr Bear and I) enjoy a good life - have always been best of friends and have never really felt it was something we really want to have...
This year because my SIL's are relatively close to Mr bear they keep saying as I am getting older (mid 30's) that if we decide to have a family later in life the likely hood of us having a baby with various disorders is SOOOOOOOOOOO much higher - effectively scare mongering him - so I am left with "we should start thinking about it this year" when the reality is I dont want to!!!!!!
 
So when do you think you will want to?
 
I find the whole thing totally offensive. We have not been blessed with children and regularly people ask me why, what I am doing about it, will I adopt etc etc. I politely steer the questions to something else because it isnt something I want to get into. I don't know the right answers to these questions to the nosy people that ask them. I just wish they wouldn't pry.
 
I'm not even married yet (getting married next year) and I have been asked a few times when I plan to have kids. One work colleague asked me out straight at lunch one day and I was morto, didn't know what to be saying! I'm only in my mid twenties so in some ways i still feel like a child myself!

I have often wondered about some couples I know who have not yet had kids, but I would never dare ask...
 
Caveat said:
. . the attitude of some people is unspeakably rude and really makes my blood boil.
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It's just an Irish thing, hardly a big deal.
pinkyBear said:
. . they keep saying as I am getting older (mid 30's) that if we decide to have a family later in life the likely hood of us having a baby with various disorders is SOOOOOOOOOOO much higher - effectively scare mongering him
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Well it's true.
pinkyBear said:
. . the reality is I dont want to!!!!!!
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Well then you shouldn't.
 
I just checked and our finite planet isn't going to run out of people anytime soon - latest estimate 6,649,117,969 and counting.
 
You'll find alot of people ask these types of questions.
When you are going out with somebody the question will be - When are you moving in together. When you move in the question will be- When are you getting engaged- When you get engaged the question will be - When are you getting married or have you set a date and when you get married the question will be - when are you going to have kids- when you have a kid the question is - Are you going to make a little brother or sister for them to play with.

I wouldn't read too much into it.
 
michaelm said:
It's just an Irish thing, hardly a big deal.
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Its not just an Irish thing, I have come across it a lot from americans, italians, swiss and english as well.

What I find is its mostly men that seem to ask, maybe thats just my experience and a coincidence. I think though most women are quite sensitive to the fact that they themselves wouldn't like to be asked the same question.
 
cnu said:
What do you advise is the best to do? - avoid them or reason it out? or just say "that its a personal choice and lets leave it there" ....
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Just say something like, "if there is any news in that department, you will be informed in due course". Thats what I said to a work colleague a few years ago when i was asked, and it was never mentioned again!
 
I wasn't married when I was pregnant with my first daughter and you would not believe that number of people I hardly knew who asked me...

'was it an accident?'
 
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