A sticky situation: rent a room lodger slow to move out

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Quite the contrary — I was making the point that your 'friend' seems to be trying to make you feel worse!

I think you've admitted yourself that you've been 'soft' on her, and it seems to me that you're being repaid with some none-too-subtle emotional blackmail.
 
Sometimes I feel like the worst thing is that she doesn't seem to think that she is an any way taking advantage of me. I am now counting down the days until she goes. I have had to tell a white lie and say a friend is moving in ...as if I was to just ask her to leave without giving a concrete reason such as that she would just drag out the day of her departure .......
 
Noor77 said:
she doesn't seem to think that she is an any way taking advantage of me...
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Of course she doesn't let it appear that way to you. But surely she can't be blind to what she sees others around her paying for a comparable set-up?

If a white lie is the easiest way out of it, then so be it.
 
I am starting to fantasise about going home and giving her one months notice!
 
I should, but I can't.

Another thing that gets me is that since the drop in rent she has managed to get an annual subscription to the Economist and a swanky new computer!!!
 
She's clearly taking advantage - if you're worried about her reaction, get a close friend or relative to be with you when you give her the notice and put it in writing.
 
Noor77 said:
I should, but I can't.

Another thing that gets me is that since the drop in rent she has managed to get an annual subscription to the Economist and a swanky new computer!!!
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You have heard what people here have to say. She is more than capable to pay the market price if she is after buying a new computer, getting a subscription to the Economist, etc etc....SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, get rid of her, as someone say before get someone close, a real friend or a family member to be there when you tell her to leave in a month (if not sooner), and don't be soft, no matter what she says, she has to be out of your house, you will be loosing a "friend", but I am sure you will win much more (money wise, you will be able to rent the room for the real market price). DO NOT GIVE IN WITH BROADBAND, she has take enough advantage of you, but you don't seem to see it as clearly because you seem to be to good ( I wish I had a landlady like you when I was studying and working full time to be able to afford to live). Let us know what you decide to do, and the outcome.
 
give her 2 weeks notice in wrighting asap.
tell her that some one else is moving in the following monday. and walk away.
 
I think you should have a relative appear who suddenly needs the room as soon as her exams are finished. Friends maybe but family comes first and this cousin/second uncle twice removed/long lost brother needs her room. Sorry and all that. Offer to help her pack if necessary.......

Sarah
 
Of course she's not quick to move on, she's running rings around you!!
She's making a mug out of you and she's not acting like a friend. Tell her you can't be subsidising her anymore, that she's gotten a good deal up to now and you feel its time you were able to breath again financially.
You sound like my boyfriend, he is one of those nice people that got involved with a SPONGER, (not me )check it out http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=23010
 
It seems to be unanimous opinion with everybody here to get this lodger out ASAP ,so take smart advise and just do it. All the talking in the world wont change anything and the longer it goes on the more money/patience you lose.You know you have been taken advantage of as does everybody here and she knows she is getting a cushy deal so now is the time to stop being soft on her.So you lose a lodger...no big loss when you consider that your not getting what you wanted/needed out of this deal.Your certinatly not losing a true friend...anyone who does what she is doing and expecting this much out of someone else regardless of her suitation e.g Exams, is not a nice preson and not to be trusted never mind calling them a "friend"! Its your house/money/life at the end of the day and as hard as it might seem or as bad as you might feel now, in the end it makes sence and might give you the confidance and knowledge if you where ever faced with a similar suitation.Let us know how you get on.
P.S
Never put off what you can do today, untill tomorrow!
 
In situations like this, the best thing you can do is to be totally honest and up front with her. Print this thread...tell her you have support from totally anonymous people on the net!

Seriously though, it would be a very positive experience for you if you are able to be honest with her. You say yourself you have been soft and that probably irritates you too! Conversations/confrontations that one dreads can actually turn out to be worthwhile and liberating imho!
 
If I try and change the date for her to go from June to say April or something she will just whine and make me feel like the worst person in the world!

Thanks for all the advice
 
Do you want her out or not? If you do, bite the bullet and either tell the truth (that you feel/know she is not contributing enough) or else lie (relative coming to stay, house being renovated, you're considering selling up, anything really).
From what I can see, bottom line is the longer she stays, the more money she is costing you. And you supposed to be sticking to a budget !

Stand up for yourself, otherwise you will continue allowing her to walk all over you like a doormat. She must be laughing all the way to the bank.
 
If I try and change the date for her to go from June to say April or something she will just whine and make me feel like the worst person in the world!
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Oh FFS Noor! Just be an adult and get rid of her - she doesn't particularly care about you, so why the hell should you care about her?!

Get rid of her, or you'll have a bunch of irate AAMers around at your place wanting to do it for you!!
 
Sherman said:
Get rid of her, or you'll have a bunch of irate AAMers around at your place wanting to do it for you!!
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What about us poor moderators who'll have to fend off LaDestituta's outraged flame attacks, when you throw her into the street...?
 
Maybe if LaDestituta's reads AAM then she'll have her bags packed when you go home Noor - how good would that be? Maybe you should print this thread out and leave it lying around - like stuck to her bedroom door
Subtlety will get you nowhere in this situation I'm afraid - best of luck.
 
I think you are being used and i think the longer the let her stay the more she is going to perhaps try and guilt trip you. Just be aware of it and don't fall into her trap. Have you got a two or a three-bed room house? If she wants to pay a lower rent then at least give her the smallest room untill she moves out. Perhaps say that you could rent out the ensuite at a higher price. I would put your foot down. Perhaps talk to a friend or family memeber about it so you've got that emotional backup and support and to reassure you that your not being a bitch - sounds like its difficult for you to confront her about these things. I know - i'm the anything for a quite life sort.
 
Would you think of telling her that you are about to make an appointment with someone (real or otherwise) to show the room to with a view to taking in a replacement lodger. Ask her nicely, as you seem to be perfectly capable of, when would be a suitable time and ask her to have the room presentable if needs be and also ask her does she mind you showing the room when she's not there. Whether you do show to a person is none of her business but I think she would be getting a clear message. To be honest, I wouldn't like to call someone like that a friend. I have other less polite terms and the world is a very big place - she can't be the only friend you have - I hope.
 
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